I am really dragging my feet on the resolution thing this year.  I think I needed some time to think about what might be realistic – and what is actually important.  I could say weight loss and managing stress and all of the typical stuff I lean toward – but I’m just … tired of that?

I’ve been working on pulling my head out of the sand, prioritizing my time/energy/physical presence, and freeing up emotional space – and it’s been pretty liberating.  I think that’s what I want to continue.  I want to change things.  So … I guess it’s as simple (ha!) as that.

My pants are too tight?  Either lose weight or buy some new clothes.  Those are the choices.

I’m not going to wallow in stress/angst about things I can change.

I’m tired of my own bitching.

Brené Brown posted some questions on Facebook the other day that I like:

1. What do I want more of in my life?

2. How do I let go of what’s no longer serving me?

3. What will make me feel more alive? Braver?

4. At the end of every day and at the end of every year, I need to know that I contributed more than I criticized. How have I contributed and what will that look like moving forward?

I know what I want more of out of life: the feeling I had when I took control of the rental house situation and changed something that had been bothering me, the feeling I had when I realized I’d taken control of my health and lost 100 pounds, the feeling I ALWAYS  have when I just do what I know needs to be done.

So I guess I’ll be working on strengthening what I started in 2016.

I  hate feeling powerless – especially when it’s self-inflicted.

How do I let go of this stuff?  I don’t know.  Resolve.

What will make me feel more alive? Braver?  Trusting myself.

Regarding #4 – that applies to the powerlessness situation, but in ways I can’t really articulate. The contributed vs. criticized thing is something that really resonates, though.  I think I’ve gotten bogged down in some negativity lately and have tried too hard to work with that (and people who lean that way) vs. being someone who contributes more than criticizes.

I feel the the exact feeling of powerlessness (i.e., the rental house situation) when I allow myself to be swayed by other people and their negativity in conversations/actions.

So, anyway.  More being true to myself this year.
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Jon and I have gotten ourselves into a weight loss challenge with 3 other couples.  We’re going for highest percentage of weight loss at the end of 6 months – $100 on the line.  We’ve got a color-coded spreadsheet and a group text going, etc.

This is JUST the boost in motivation I needed.  The $300 for the winning couple isn’t even the motivation – I just like to win.  And this is something I can win.

We started on the 1st, of course, along with every other resolutioner.  I’m down 6.2 pounds today, which is REALLY indicative of the shit I’ve been eating.  Together, Jon and I are down 13.2 pounds, which is -3.1%.  We’re tied with another couple for the lead.

Should be interesting to see what happens over the course of 6 months.  We set that goal specifically to encourage everyone to stick with it over the long haul vs. just losing some weight in January.  That would have been too easy.

We’re doing a Whole 30 to detox, so I’m on day 8.  I feel ok.  Everyone else is doing it for the first time, so I’ve actually had fun helping them learn how to read labels and cook new things.

We’ve been sending pics of meals here and there, so I have a little bit of a record of what I’ve been eating (at least for the first couple of days). Looks like I relied pretty heavily on potatoes at the beginning of the week.

(Jon made a beef thing in the crockpot one day.)

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(He also made some homemade sausage, so I had that for breakfast nearly every day with leftovers.)

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(I ate quite a few turkey burgers for lunch.)

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We had carnitas salads from Chipotle 3 nights in a row because … it’s easy? It’s right down the street and we can order online and we were busy after work, etc. Also – it felt like a “treat” by the 4th or 5th day, so it was easy to do it again the next couple of days.

Some in the group are having to stop sodas and fast food and SMOKING and really completely overhaul things, so I have no room to complain about the minor headache I had for a couple of days.

I’m glad we’re doing it, though, primarily because it has opened my eyes to how many “treats” I had come to expect.  Eating at home hasn’t changed much, but it’s CRAZY how many times I have wanted a “treat” when we’ve gone out somewhere.

We went to see a movie one night and my mind just immediately started thinking about all of the restaurants nearby and I wanted ice cream or hot chocolate or dessert after the movie, etc.  It was crazy how I just immediately went to food when the goal was simply to go see a movie after work.

Sugar has been the hardest part, of course.  I start craving it around 3PM and I’ve been battling it every night.  Hopefully that will start to recede soon.  In the meantime, I’m relying on pineapples and oranges and apples.

We haven’t started exercising yet, but Jon re-joined the running group and has already signed up for a race. His oldest child (son) is participating with him, so that will be fun for them.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do.  I’m re-evaluating and thinking about how I want to move forward.  I feel like I’ve tried everything and the only things I’ve really stuck with and enjoyed over the long haul have been strength training (with a trainer) and running (alone).  I am NOT competitive when it comes to this stuff – and really prefer the isolation of running alone (but with a training group) and having a private trainer.  I have never stuck with group classes.  I really dislike yoga.  Etc.  So, I don’t know yet.  I need to do something soon, though, because I feel stiff and creaky.

I’ve contemplated downloading an app or otherwise trying to do something at home – but I’ve never enjoyed that or been successful at it, so I don’t know.
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We got a little bit of snow yesterday, so that was fun.  Molly LOVES it, of course.

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Yesterday was bedding washing day, but they wanted a nap in the big bed, anyway – for THREE HOURS. It was a nice lazy day.

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I’m working on uploading my 2016 backlog of pics. I would be very upset if I lost them – but it’s also crazy to erase the year from memory just because I wasn’t in a good place.

(The wood stove was BY FAR the best purchase of 2016. I think I left that off the survey last post.)

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There are actually a lot of fun things I want to remember.  Like, how it’s probably not a good idea to give a 2yo some ice cream for the ride home.

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