I hate losing weight.

You’d think gaining it would be fun – all the ice cream! – but it’s really not. I hate the out of control feeling that accompanies it for me – and I hate how hard it is to regain control. It’s an emotional struggle for me once I’ve spun out of control.

Unfortunately, I think this latest bout is, by far, the worst it has ever been. I don’t think I’ve ever solidly gained anything near 10 pounds since I started this whole shebang (not counting fluctuations because of vacations or whatever), so this return to old thinking/ways has been pretty eye opening.

I know HOW to lose weight – the mechanics of it are simple enough. Getting my head to cooperate? Not so easy.

I’m doing ok. A body in motion stays in motion or something like that, right? I just have to remain steadfast in my plans to stop behaviors like eating whole boxes of girl scout cookies when I’m not even physically hungry.

Anyway, I just hate this whole thing. I worked pretty hard to have some peace about all of it throughout the past few years and I think I actually had it – overall – and didn’t know it. I was really pretty happy at about 160ish pounds and was easily maintaining and was just … ok.

I didn’t know I was ok, though.

I think I’ve mentioned here before that I haven’t known what “done” might be regarding weight loss because I don’t know any other mode. Gaining or losing is all I’ve ever known. Fortunately, I think this weight gain has helped me figure some things out, for sure.

I’m hoping to get to 160 again soon and then I’m just going to be done. I was maintaining, but I was still operating in weight loss mode – or was at least always still concerned about losing more – but that was stupid. It was a happy, comfortable, healthy weight.

I just need to do the work to wrap my head around there being this place in life where/when I’m not thinking about gaining or losing weight (or actively doing either).

It’s crazy to me that this has consumed so much energy. I know it will be an ongoing battle, but I’m ready to be done with it. (Yeah, I know I’ve said that before.)
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We finished out the week with the meals from my trainer and subsequently ordered more for the upcoming week. I’m really happy with how it all worked out.

Wednesday night we jogged to a nearby beer place (what do you call a hipster type place that’s really not a bar – more like a hangout place with food trucks and outdoor seating and all that – but is a bar?) and did a 3M run through my neighborhood that they host. We wound up doing 4M total since we walked/jogged there and back. It was nice to come home and have a decent dinner waiting. Also kept us from eating from the food truck, which was super tempting since other people sitting with us (after the run) were eating.

I had lime coriander chicken, roasted sweet potatoes and steamed broccoli.

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Jon had the same chicken with kale salad and cinnamon steel cut oats.

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Thursday was “baby day,” so we loaded him up and took him to the greenway for a long walk when Jon got home.

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We’ve had to alter the running plan a little to make that our rest day since we don’t have a jogging stroller and aren’t really inclined to buy one right now – but it works. Just means we have to run on Friday nights.

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(Baby day is one of my favorite days. I know it’s probably not ideal that I always let him sleep on me vs. taking proper naps, but he’s so gd sweet and cute that I can’t help it.)

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Anyway, I had chicken again with quinoa and zucchini.

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Jon had pulled pork, roasted potatoes and zucchini.

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We had to run Friday night, so we did that (3M) as soon as Jon got home. We talked about going out to dinner, but having the meal waiting in the refrigerator deterred us. I really wanted to follow through with eating them every night to see how they’d go.

I didn’t take a picture and don’t remember what Jon had, but I had chicken (again!) with brown rice and asparagus.

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Overall – I’m really happy with how the week went. I’d been concerned about what the quality of the food might be by the time we reached the end of the week, but it was all fine. Very fine. Not a problem at all. I couldn’t tell that it had been sitting in the refrigerator all week.

I started to regret that I’d chosen chicken for all meals (but one) pretty quickly. She has enough to choose from that I was able to create meals that I’m pretty excited about for the upcoming week, though.

Anyway – it’s keeping me on track. It’s saving time and making our nights easier. I’m happy with it.
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Jon and I went to the gym for a little while Saturday morning, but then finally had our much beloved treat meal.

(hummus & black beans)
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It practically put me in a coma after a week of pretty clean eating. I think my blood sugar was low and then spiked. Whatever it was, I felt awful and just wanted to sleeeeeeep.

Yesterday (Sunday) was gorgeous – so I was super excited about the 4M long run I needed to do.

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Molly has been hanging in there really well. She loves it. Jon has been a trooper, too, and has been hanging out with me on my walk/jog thing even though he could very easily run 4M much more quickly despite no recent exercise. His body just … does it. It’s much more natural or something for him. His feet are still bothering him (plantar fasciitis), but he is also concerned about a recent weight gain – so he’s back at it despite that.

Anyway. Pretty good week re: the eating and the moving my body. Now to keep it in motion for another.

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