Week 2 of the MBSR class went better than expected. My cynicism might be chipping away.

I still can’t make it through the 47 minute body scan at home without falling asleep … and I still dread reserving the time to do it … but it’s getting better.

We did the body scan at the beginning of the class and I think I made it about 10 minutes before falling asleep – then startled awake when I realized the instructor had finished the scan and was reading a poem. She was about halfway through, but she read it a second time and I had a very physical – stomach flipping/breath catching – reaction.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

(Mary Oliver)

I know I said I don’t like poetry. This doesn’t count.
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Honestly, I was ready to drop out/skip the class last week because I felt like the process of attending was creating more stress than it was worth. I’d had a crazy day and had been a million places where a million people pulled me in different directions and then had to rush home to change to make it on time. No time for dinner. No transition from work mode to home. I distinctly remember telling Jon – on our way out the door – that we’d made a mistake committing to something so time consuming that sucks up almost an entire week night.

We went, though, and I cheered up and see above. It worked out well. It has continued to go well at home since that night (and – realistically – was generally going well before, too).

I KNOW I need to be there – and need to continue the practice/homework.

Just that morning I had been to the dentist and had impressions done for a mouth guard thing that I’m hoping will help alleviate nearly constant TMJ pain – which is totally exacerbated by stress.

Also? The same day?

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Our 60 year old water pipe(s) had to be dug up and replaced.

Stress.

I’m not sure what the final cost will be – but I’m hoping I’ll be able to utilize whatever skills I’m learning to respond well. We’ll see.
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The TV thing is going well. I’ve watched one show since last Sunday – Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (perfect choice) – and the news each morning while getting ready for work (as planned). It’s been a little weird having a silent house this weekend since Jon has been out of town – but I’ve caught up on all kinds of reading.

The walking/jogging thing is progressing. I’m at least DOING IT. I think I made it outside to walk and/or jog 4 times since I made the proclamation last Sunday.

Not much improvement is happening, but I haven’t quit – so there’s that. I made it 2.21 miles in 30 minutes last Sunday – 2.30 today. My avg pace said 13:35 last week, 13:05 today. I don’t really fully know what that means – but it’s going down – so I’ll take it.

The best way for me to track improvement? I jogged around the little track non-stop TWICE this time vs. almost dying from a heart attack after doing it once last Sunday.

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The Knox Walks walk program continues to go well, too. It almost got rained out last week, but we had one person show up who seemed motivated to do it despite the weather – so we forged ahead and ended up walking a couple of miles.

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We wound up drenched – but I’m glad we didn’t cancel on him.

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Not much else going on. I have no food pictures because I’m cereal or eggs for just about every meal. Looking forward to my chef returning.

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