I am having a hard time making myself go to the gym. So hard, in fact, that I’m just not going.

Crazy, right?

I think I’m going through a phase. It’s warm(ish) (sometimes) and nice outside … and I rarely feel like closing myself up in a crowded, noisy, chaotic feeling building before or after spending my (work) days closed up in a busy and sometimes chaotic feeling building.

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I’ve been doing a lot of walking. I don’t kill myself to speed walk. Just walk. I love it.

This past week, I did the walking program thing with the group.

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Met a friend after work on Friday to catch up.

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And then walked around downtown after breakfast with Jon on Saturday morning.

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I met with the trainer one night, as usual, and went to a Pilates class the same night. I did not, however, do week 2 of the C25K thing. I’ll probably get around to it this week.

So – 4 days out of 7 I did something – with little real effort or planning or stressing.

Would’ve made an effort today, but it’s COLD and dreary.

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I’m ok with what I’m doing.

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Killing myself to make it to the gym to plod away – by myself – on a machine – just doesn’t feel worth it to me right now.

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Food-wise, things are the same.

We’re still planning ahead and preparing for the week. (When Jon’s in town, anyway. I mostly still eat scrambled eggs when he’s gone.)

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The bags of basil pictured above mean it’s time for my favorite breakfast/lunch/dinner. (The macadamia nuts on top are for some sort of homemade pesto, I think. TBA.)

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Jon made a shrimp curry thing last night. No recipe. It’s broccoli, green beans, a pepper, onion, shrimp, carrots, sweet potato, mushrooms, coconut milk, green curry paste, fish sauce, coconut aminos, little bit of brown sugar. We’re obv eating brown rice now, too.

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Don’t remember eating this, but I found it on the camera. It’s a bi-weekly thing, at least.

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Also found and remembered – my mom came into town last weekend to celebrate her birthday.

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It’s unlikely I’ll ever pass up an opportunity to buy a box of cupcakes and have a tasting party. Cake seems so boring now that I’ve given myself permission to take a bite of each flavor.

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(Same gift bag I gave Cody 2 weeks earlier. I recycle.)

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I think I’ve officially crossed into “adult” territory.

I have worms in my refrigerator.

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That I feed to the birds that I sit around and watch.

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It’s fun.

The garden has started growing – a little. Still mostly dirt.

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Overall, life is good.

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I’m very lucky.

I still have weird moments that I’m sure will always pop up to remind me that what’s in my head isn’t necessarily what’s in other heads – but I think I’m in a very good place re: food/exercise/weight issues.

Here’s something funny few people in my life right now would understand:

A client was talking about emotional eating and how hard she/he struggles with losing weight despite crazy amounts of exercise – and she/he actually said to me: “I’m not naturally thin like YOU.”

Guess how HARD IT IS to sit in silence and not refute something like that? Or laugh at the “thin” part?
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I’ve had passing thoughts here and there lately about plastic surgery – primarily a tummy tuck – but I’m not sure I want to mutilate my stomach just to get rid of a little loose skin. I might go to a consultation. Just to see. Out of curiosity.
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Jon’s oncology appointment is coming up this week. He had the blood draw + lung scan last week.

Coincidentally – or not – I’ve been bolting up from deep sleep lately with a racing heart + inability to (feel like I can) breathe + nausea + sweating.

I never had this problem when I could eat a cake for dinner.

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