So, this is freaking me out a little.

Jon asked me the other day if I’m losing weight because I’m sick – like, sick sick, I guess. If anybody’s capable of freaking out over weight loss, it’s ME. So. I’m sure you’re all aware that unexplainable weight loss is a symptom of EVERYTHING.

I think it’s because we aren’t eating in restaurants … and because I have gravitated to grazing throughout the day since the stomach revolt.

Like this:

This smoothie (which was more like juice since it was leftover from the morning – I generally make 2 at once) = spinach, pineapple, mango, strawberries, blueberries, a carrot, carrot juice. The rest of that stuff = an orange, ham, strawberries, an apple & a handful of walnuts. Breakfast was an identical smoothie + a boiled egg. Took all day to eat this stuff.

Or this:

A boiled egg, an orange, celery, almond butter, an apple (that I had already mostly eaten), a handful of walnuts & green tea. Breakfast was a smoothie + boiled egg.

And I do things like this for breakfast on days when I don’t feel like dealing with a smoothie (i.e., Saturday mornings):

We’ve also stuck to our goal to grocery shop each weekend with a plan for the week ahead.

(We might need a bigger bowl.)

And I don’t know if I mentioned this – but I’ve just about completely given up yogurt. I’ve had it a couple of times lately, but it’s a rare thing. Cheese is just about gone, too. It’s a special occasion thing that I think I’ve had once or twice in the past couple of weeks since I cut it out during the stomach revolt. So, dairy? Very rare these days.

Unless you count butter. I eat that every day on a baked potato – a recent dinner staple.

The restaurant thing? I’m shocked – and I CAN’T BELIEVE I’d ever type this – but I have little desire lately. We haven’t been to a Mexican restaurant – someplace we went AT LEAST twice a week – since before Christmas. I’ve noticed we’ve been talking ourselves out of going out quite a bit even though we didn’t completely ban it – just limited it.

I’m tired of overeating stuff I’d never eat at home and then feeling like shit all night (which always happens) + I am becoming the most insufferable food snob I’ve ever met (besides JON). So – it’s just not worth it.

This is why I don’t preach, though:

I had forgotten how much junk is consumed in the workplace. It’s ridiculous.

I think this whole thing is weird to us largely because weight loss has always taken effort. I’ve always had to count something or obsess about something or try really fucking hard.

This weight loss that’s happening? Just happening.

I’m tired of feeling badly – and I want to do whatever I can to prevent things like stomach revolts and cancer, so I’m taking care of myself. I’m eating for health – not emotion. I’m exercising when I want to – and doing what I enjoy. I refuse to “diet” or restrict my eating in any way that doesn’t feel right to me, so I’m not counting anything or doing anything but eating what I want in whatever portion feels right – while being mindful of the overall desire to lose weight (hence the b-day cake at work, but the skipping of the pizza).

I’m just in a good place.

I hope it lasts. Took an awfully long time to get here.

(Or it’s because I have some dreadful disease. Either way.)

A comment to Jon today that I’d like to lose 20ish more pounds was met with open shock and discouragement.

We talked about it – and I’m not sure that I really understand where’s he coming from since I just don’t feel done – and I’m not sure that he really understands where he’s coming from, either – but it sounds like he’s afraid I will lose too much and look “sick” (i.e., too thin).

I’ve been hearing this from various people for the past 50 pounds. It’s interesting.

Jon wouldn’t IN ANY WAY actively sabotage my efforts – and I think maybe he sees me differently than I see myself – and he said he thought I was done at the 100 pound mark – but I do sometimes wonder about the motivation behind the comments (from all sorts of people, not just him) that seem oriented toward encouraging me to be heavier.

I have no idea if 20ish more pounds is a realistic goal. I never created a plan for finishing up the weight loss because I never thought I’d get here. I never imagined I’d ever weigh 167 pounds – and I certainly had no idea what 167 pounds would look like.

I feel very confident I’ll know when I’m done. I’m not there yet.

We’ve spent the weekend at home. I left the house once – to grocery shop. That’s it. It’s been nice.