I said something yesterday about how I couldn’t bring myself to buy Emergen-C packets – and then said something about how things have fundamentally changed for me lately re: weight loss, in general – and then I went and sat with a group of 10-12 people who each had a Mtn Dew bottle sitting in front of them. Seriously. Well, except for one. One person had a Dr Pepper.
This is going to sound eye-rollingly snotty – I KNOW – and I swear I never thought I’d become a person who shudders at the thought of drinking something like that. But I am. I felt actual disgust at the thought of putting neon yellow or BLACK sugar water in my body.
Then I felt something. It wasn’t the time or (my) place – and I don’t know why – but I felt sad for them. I felt bad that they appeared to be living my old destructive lifestyle.
I have this core belief that people should be free to live a life of their creation without judgment. I really do. I UNDERSTAND the lifestyle that drives people to drink that stuff and smoke and eat processed shit at every meal. I’ve done those things. I’ve walked in their shoes. I walked in their shoes for a LONG time.
I’m starting to feel like maybe I want to do more to openly acknowledge that there’s a “better” way to live, though. Whatever that means.
I don’t want to condemn food or other related lifestyle choices – or start preaching about how my way is the best way to live – that’s not what I’m talking about and not what I believe. I’m talking about maybe I’m thinking about mixing my professional and personal lives in some way and taking a path that might someday lead to focusing on health, nutrition, exercise and eating disorders.
I’m starting to feel ok. Ok enough that I feel like I’m ready to help other people figure out whatever it is they need to figure out re: this stuff, too.
I don’t know. Things just feel different for me now. I used to feel incapable of doing this sort of work because I felt like I – myself- was on shaky ground with it all.
I don’t feel that way anymore.
They had a breakfast thing welcoming me (and some others) at work this morning. I passed up all the store/restaurant donuts and muffins and zeroed in on the homemade scones.
There was a time when I wouldn’t have done this after already having had a smoothie & egg for breakfast – and a loss on the scale – but dang. So good.
Looks like I’m steadily going down. I seriously can’t believe I’m so close to the 160’s. I honestly can’t recall ever being at such a low weight.
I don’t know what happened – but I’m apparently off the plateau.
One hunch? We’ve stuck to the restaurant restriction resolution and have been eating out just once a week. It sucked – A LOT – but as with everything, it’s not such a big deal now that it’s an established thing.