I’ve been so busy lately that I feel like I’m walking around in a fog.
My diet has mostly gone to shit and I haven’t done one minute of anything I’d consider “real” exercise in several weeks.
So. I’m tired and miserable just about every second of every day.
Jon + 3 kids were here – then left and I was alone for about a week – then I spontaneously decided to fly down to Knoxville for the holiday weekend because I was miserable being alone – but not before sitting through an all-day class I cared very little about (but ultimately found interesting despite my anxiety about getting the hell out of town) + I had to finish papers + deal with etc. craziness, of course.
I arrived to some stressful stuff to help Jon deal with on Friday, but it was a good weekend. I’m glad I went.
I spent almost all day Saturday working in the yard and working on the house. I wound up filthy + CrossFit sore (which is its own special kind of sore/hell, IMO).
I think I’m in for a seriously rude awakening when I get back and start training/exercising for real.
It was nice to be outside and to be active, though.
And to be home with Jon.
He BBQ’d stuff for us on Sunday.
I saw a commercial for hot dogs at some point that morning and requested them because I used to LOVE hot dogs (burned/crispy/grilled). I was pretty grossed out by the one I had at a coney island place a few months ago but thought a fancier one (if such a thing exists?) might not be so bad.
I have no fucking idea how I used to eat them. SO salty. I lifted the bread ban – and regretted that, too.
We sent all of the leftover food/buns/etc. home with Jon’s kids. (I often feel guilty about sending our junk with them since it doesn’t send a fantastic message – but do it anyway.)
We stopped for ice cream sometime Sunday.
I was grumpy about this, too. I wanted HOMEMADE peach ice cream – like I had LAST 4th of July when we went to ATL and Jon’s mom made the real thing – so this totally didn’t compare.
(Last year. I was exhausted. Happy, though.)
(Last year. Fireworks. This year? Asleep.)
(Last year. Much healthier meal.)
Here’s the deal: I am tired of eating junk, but I keep doing it … and I’m unhappy with myself every. single. time.
I’m unhappy, in general, though. I’m ready to be home.
Also – I think I’m crazier than the average person who attempts intuitive eating and am still somewhat unable to “honor” my body and cravings.
I rarely have the capacity to think too much about what I shove in my mouth these days.
We drove back to MI yesterday.
(I obv downloaded instagram.)
I counted calories today just to have a little accountability. I’m so disconnected from that line of thinking lately that I have no idea what amount I should even be eating.
I’m questioning why I’m struggling with eating and with suddenly wanting to count things, etc. and I’m quite sure it’s stress.
I’m going with this flawed coping for now, though, because I just do NOT feel like thinking about this too much.
4 weeks of grad school to go.
Breakfast this morning (at work) = 1 cup of yogurt + 1/3 cup granola + frozen blueberries. This is actually way more yogurt than I generally pack so I ate 1/2 and ate the other 1/2 for lunch.
Lunch was an Amy’s frozen beans & rice burrito (and the other half of the yogurt).
Jon made dinner: baked chicken breast + 1/2 a sweet potato + asparagus.
We just got in from a walk – about 3 and a half miles. The Nike+ thing is screwed up. It isn’t registering distance for some reason.