So – about that whole comforted by invisibility thing I mentioned in the comments.
There appears to be – for my brain – a difference between “you’ve lost weight!” and “you’ve got quite a shape!”
The first implies a fact. One that I apparently don’t care about too much. Comments about weight loss do not equal compliments nor are they something I feel flattered to hear. It is what it is.
The latter – a real compliment about my body? I wound up feeling completely uncomfortable and inclined to wear my bulkiest/biggest clothes each day afterward.
As I mentioned, my first gut/emotional reaction to that comment was “oh shit, I’m too thin.”
I don’t think that’s “normal.”
There’s a chance I’m comforted by the invisibility that comes with being overweight. Now I’m thinking there’s a chance this is why I still have 30 pounds to lose despite knowing full and GD well how to do it and having plenty of motivation floating around somewhere just ready to go.
OR – maybe I have such a chip on my shoulder about being accepted as I am – overweight – that I’m stalling in an attempt to continue to prove something (that you don’t have to be thin to have a fabulous life, that I’m not shallow, etc.)? Not sure.
I think it’s deeper than that, though.
The Dexter/Ann Arbor Run is next Sunday. We’ll be walking the 5K, for sure, since I quit the C25K thing again. I always have such great intentions – then fail.
I’m sure I’ll eventually finish it. Or not. Who knows?
I’ve never participated in an organized event of this nature, so I’m excited. I’m more excited about Taste of Ann Arbor happening afterward, though, which shouldn’t be surprising.
I’ve decided to do a Nerd 5K I recently read about, too, and to try to run – since I’m nothing if not consistent w/r/t torturing myself.
I’m going to try to document my food regularly again.
I’m busy – but I’m not THAT busy. It’s not like it takes a ton of effort.
I am feeling ready to make a stronger commitment to losing the 30 pounds I’ve been harping about for over a year. We have a lot of life stuff going on right now, but it’s not like I was sitting around twiddling my thumbs when I lost the other 90 pounds. I’m just not making an effort.
I read something in a book I’m currently reading (Holy Hunger: A Memoir of Desire – Margaret Bullitt-Jonas – not sure how I feel about it yet but that’s largely because there’s a spiritual/religious slant that I don’t relate to + I’m only halfway through) that insinuates that what we do (re: food addiction) is more important than what we feel or know. She believes action gives birth to insight.
While I’m not sure that I necessarily agree – I do know that all the insight/talk in the world isn’t going to do a damn thing about the 30 pounds if I’m not following it through with some consistent change/action.
So. Anyway. Interesting book. I might temporarily go back to my old ways of documenting everything I eat every day. Boring as it might be.
Jon’s comment about Saturday’s breakfast: “That looks kinda gross.”
I have some frozen onion bagels so I toasted one and added a little bit of cream cheese + onion/garlic/jalapeno salsa. I liked it – but I would like anything covered with that salsa (that I eat by the spoonful).
(I should probably at least check the background before I take pictures, I know. This one makes me laugh.)
We decided to eat lunch out somewhere before giving up restaurants for the upcoming week, so we chose Jolly Pumpkin – in Ann Arbor.
We split some truffled french fries (fried crisp, with truffle salt and fresh rosemary – according to the menu).
I ordered “Not Just a BLT” and a salad.
(bacon + arugula + tomatoes + mozzarella + salsa verde)
AND we split a pumpkin whoopie pie.
Totally indulgent lunch. It was fun.
We had watermelon for dinner since lunch was huge. We learned that it might be stupid to buy a watermelon when you have little space and almost zero appropriate cutting/storing stuff on hand.
Jon made chocolate chip + walnut cookies at my request (Friday night), so I ate a couple of those for dinner, too. They are FABULOUS. He used coarse sea salt which totally makes a difference and adds A LOT to the fabulousness.
(The rest of the batch has since been frozen to reduce the likelihood of grazing. Except it just occurred to me that it also increases the need to heat them up – which leads to warm cookies – which is dangerous.)
(This is the mid-day cookie + coffee on the way to Detroit to the Eastern Market, not the dinner cookie. Maybe I should just throw them away.)
Have I ever mentioned that I have the sweetest/cutest husband EVER? I do.
Today (Sunday) started with a walk since we anticipated rain for the rest of the day.
We got lost pretty quickly and wound up needing directions to find our way home.
Jon made breakfast when we made it back: egg thing with spinach + garlic.
I had yogurt + fruit, too, as always.
I made my own lunch since Jon had sardines. Slices of a tiny baguette + hummus + salsa.
Plus a pickle.
We spent the afternoon sitting around watching tv/movies and drinking $1 white zinfandel. Jon did talk to me about refraction after a comment I made about the reflection of my feet in the pictures I took – so I guess the day isn’t a total loss. (Though I think this qualifies HIM for the Nerd 5K – not me – right?)
Tornado sirens started going off around 5:15, so there was that.
Dinner was something Jon “improvised after reading about garam masala on wikipedia.”
It’s chicken (NOT breaded) fried in coconut oil + a sauce of unmeasured onion, garlic, ginger, cumin, tumeric, coriander, cayenne, fennel seeds, cilantro, tomato paste, yogurt, salt & garam masala sprinkled on top.
It was – without a doubt – FANTASTIC.