I apparently recorded a personal best for one of the miles today.

A woman – Paula Radcliffe (had to google because I had never heard of her)- announced this to me once I ended my workout. Scared me to death. It was a little unnerving to suddenly and unexpectedly hear a voice talking out of nowhere.

I am in survival mode, so I don’t really care TOO MUCH – but I’m sort of happy about it. The whole thing sucks so much and is so hard that I’d probably give up without the little boost of knowing that something is improving – even if it’s just the fact that I’m now jogging 90 second intervals vs. 60.

I see progress in other ways, too, though. I came in and laid on the floor and couldn’t move for a while the first couple of times I did this. This week? I’m jogging more – overall – and I am ok when I’m done. I’m recovering VERY quickly, in general, including on the walk portions.

I quit with a minute and a half of the cool down remaining because I was at my door and didn’t want to walk around in circles.

Mostly, I hadn’t had coffee and knew it was waiting inside.

Spring, supposedly.

I was reading a blog the other day – can’t remember who/what – and the person said something about being the very last to cross the line at some race. It had seriously never occurred to me that there’s a good chance I could be LAST at this 5K I registered to do.

I am pretty competitive/aggressive about some things, but have never really been so re: any sort of athletic endeavor – mostly because I don’t DO athletic endeavors. CrossFit was one exception – but I never got on board with the competitive nature because I was so behind everyone else that it would’ve been ridiculous to put that kind of pressure on myself.

I can’t be LAST, though.

So now I’m freaking out.

My goal has gone from not bailing/showing up to jogging the whole thing to NOT BEING LAST. I have 9 weeks – hopefully that’s enough time to prepare.

I am still trying to avoid internal drama re: food. I’m just eating.

Honestly, it’s the most freeing thing I’ve ever done.

I’m starting to notice that I just naturally gravitate toward a diet of whole foods, some fruit, some dairy – with treats here and there on the weekends.

I’ve been laying off the dairy because it makes my stomach hurt. I still don’t eat fast food (or have any desire to). I don’t drink anything but water, black coffee and plain tea (beer sips are sporadic and rare). Etc.

I’m essentially peacefully eating in a way that I once stressed about because it was enforced restriction.

The mindset shift that happened when I gave myself permission to eat cupcakes for lunch if that’s what I really wanted – no guilt, no drama – has been astounding (and was really hard). Turns out I really don’t want cupcakes for lunch all that often. I can’t even remember the last time I bought ice cream.

I’m going to weigh myself tomorrow morning to see how everything’s going.

Jon’s out of town, so I’m struggling with wanting to eat eggs or cereal for every meal – but I’m trying to make an effort. Last night = kale chips and a baked potato w/Fage and butter.


I might eventually get around to using a regular camera again (vs. my phone), but I might not. My semester is ending in just over 2 weeks and I have so much to do before then that I have no business taking the time to do any of this – but I need to keep SOME focus on myself.