I weighed this morning – 6 days after returning home – and found that I’m back down to my “normal” (longstanding, anyway) weight range. 181.5.

So I’ve lost 6 pounds in 6 days.

I’m not overly surprised by that – always happens when the gain was a result of eating out too much/traveling/short-term situations.

Also – my body (mind?) just really likes this weight range for some reason.

Still keeping on with the WW situation, though, because it’s the behavior that concerns me – not the weight of my body.

I hate counting points, for the record. HATE. I am having to fight a seriously rebellious tendency – but I’m doing it.

I was listening to a presentation the other day that had nothing to do with weight and body image – but it was somehow mentioned for reasons I can’t recall (so it was obviously quite riveting, right?). The presenter said something about how women shouldn’t worry about what or how they eat and shouldn’t be concerned with body image and weight … just all matter of fact … just encouraged us to focus on “important” things vs. the (implied) frivolity of body image and weight loss … and I just tuned out.

I really dislike generalizations.

And I’m just a little touchy right now.

I just had a death in my family (a shocking one that I witnessed), I had classes (and accompanying responsibilities) left at that point, work to go to, large papers to write, an exam to take, a presentation of my own to finalize and give, bills to pay, a husband that was out of town, an apartment that needed to be cleaned, a dog to walk in the snow, a 20 day multi-region trip to pack for, a mom to move across the country on CHRISTMAS EVE … and my weight was – and still is, despite many of these things still actively occurring – a concern that I have chosen to spend some time focusing on.

I CHOOSE to do the work required to change my behavior – even though I’m completely overwhelmed with other things – because it’s not healthy behavior and because I have the resources and ability to do something about it. I choose to worry about my weight because not worrying will lead to a decline in my health and level of functioning.

Tell me (even though the presenter wasn’t actually talking to ME, but see above re: touchy and keep in mind the notion that everything is about ME) that I should focus on “important” things? Fuck you.

I feel better now.

This has been the most humbling/challenging/worst semester of my life, but I received probably the best (academic) compliment of my life the day of that irritating presentation. It pulled me right back from the I-can’t-do-this-anymore depression I was stumbling into.

Then I came home and started working and looked down and saw this:

For some strange reason, he provoked the realization that THIS is what life is about for me. Education, work, a sweet dog that just wants to hang out near me despite the fact that I’m sitting around in sweats with no bra on, happiness, love.

I have never in my life received a compliment about my appearance that made me feel as the one I received (about my academic abilities/performance) that day made me feel.

My concern about my weight isn’t frivolous and it isn’t JUST about body image and it IS important to me. My concern about weight is concern about behavior.

I care about my weight because I care about living. I want to live the best life possible.

I don’t know why that presenter got me so riled up, but I imagine it probably has something to do with the fact that I am having to pass up HUGE amounts of holiday-type food everywhere I go. Easier to get pissed and defensive, I guess?