Well, the whole take more pictures for accountability + Beck book thing has been a spectacular failure. So far.

I was doing ok (and was planning to catch up here) until I flew to Phoenix last Wednesday for a conference (a conference that had nothing to do with blogging/socializing and everything to do with my chosen career interest/path). I had good intentions – even installed an app that would allow me to post via my phone. Not sure what I was thinking, though.

Something I submitted was selected for presentation at this conference, so … several days at a large conference + dinners out every night + people to catch up with + presentation I was very nervous about + 3 hour time difference that jacked up my sleep routine = lots of stress and zero time to care about whether I’ve chosen a “diet” and whether I’ve read my Advantages Response Card three times daily (as outlined in the book). Unfortunate – but reality.

I came home to an empty apartment (since Jon took the dog with him to TN) and promptly spent Sunday doing my best to disconnect and regroup before starting this new/full week.

Essentially – I’ve been BUSY. The life consuming/not sleeping well/might be sick from stress kind of busy. That’s my excuse. I’m not making my health/body a priority because I’m not sure where to fit it in. That’s my other excuse.

Good news: I still weigh just about the same thing every single day (either 181 or 182) and somehow seem to be losing a little bit very gradually – even on the day I returned from Phoenix. (I have nothing but an inability to eat due to nervousness/stomach issues to thank for that one.)

I’m pretty happy that I’m able to maintain a steady weight despite the recent stress since I have NEVER been able to do this. Seriously. This is a first for me. Historically, I run with any excuse imaginable to eat – and eat – and eat. I feel like that’s not an option anymore, though – just not what I do now. I might be eating (what I consider to be) crap 40% of the time – and I might go out to late dinners and eat ice cream more than I should (though that’s questionable) – but I’m not out of control. I’m just eating. Not eating to cope, but to live. It’s weird.

I miss my old life and my grocery shopping/cooking/eating/picture taking routine … and habits and easy existence – but life is good here, too. Just different and much busier. I’ll eventually get it all figured out and will be able to focus more on my health/exercise/food. I’m doing my best to convince myself of that, anyway.

I’m not giving up. Not an option. Right now, though? OVERWHELMED with school and all of the accompanying responsibilities. Hopefully I’ll be able to fit in the book/CBT stuff now that the conference is over and mid-term stress is over (which just blows my mind because didn’t I just move here?!?) and now that I’m somewhat on the downswing.

I know it’s sometimes necessary, but I don’t want the health/exercise/food part of my life to take the backseat 100% of the time. I’m cognizant of the need to continue trying – even if I’m not always successful.

I’m still surviving on scrambled eggs and cereal just about every day since Jon is so rarely here and I’m so incredibly lazy. Not the healthiest of choices, but a little perspective goes a long way, I guess – at least it’s not energy drinks and taco bell.

I bought some broccoli and asparagus yesterday because I was feeling guilty about the lack of green stuff, but I haven’t gotten around to actually steaming any of it. I DID figure out how to make biscuits, though. This was my lunch today:

Solely for this:

Immediate goal: Something green for dinner.