This whole weighing the same thing every day situation is starting to become comical. For the past week, I haven’t even fluctuated. It’s EXACTLY the same (185.5) every single day.

I’m very accustomed to fairly dramatic daily fluctuations – even throughout this whole plateau (or whatever the hell is going on) – so I don’t know what to think. It just makes no sense to me that I am not losing a damn thing despite a caloric deficit and 5 days a week of pretty intense exercise.

Part of me wants to go hardcore and plan out every meal for the next month so that I can guarantee low calorie/0 carb/higher protein + fat – and can completely eliminate sugar.

Part of me feels like that’s unrealistic.

Part of me wants to stop worrying about the weight.

Part of me realizes that I will worry about the weight until I can comfortably be one of those “throw away the scale” people who say that from the safety of a healthy weight.

Part of me is REALLY tired of spending so much energy thinking about food.

Part of me really enjoys this hobby and is appreciative of the increased knowledge I have about food + health, in general.

Part of me thinks I should just have a tummy tuck and some lipo and get it over with.

Part of me thinks I am sometimes a little unstable.

Part of me feels extremely discouraged when I read success stories and learn about people who’ve made it to their goal weight in really short amounts of time.

Part of me feels better (in a really petty/unfair way, no doubt) when I read that they’ve never exercised beyond the occasional yoga class.

Part of me wants to do whatever it takes to make this weight loss situation change.

Part of me knows that I’m just not doing whatever it takes.

Part of me thinks I should cut myself some slack since I’m in the midst of moving to a new state to start a new school and new job and should appreciate the fact that I’m easily maintaining a decent weight (and 86 pound weight loss).

Part of me thinks that line of thinking is a slippery slope.

This is hard. I swear it was WAY easier to lose 86 pounds than these last 30.

I don’t know why I can’t find the motivation within to finish what I’ve started.

Then I think – WTF. Seriously! – I am up and exercising every day by 6am. My food choices are very reasonable at least 85% – 90% percent of the time. IT MAKES NO SENSE that I don’t see SOME – even slight – change. Right?