I had a hard time at CrossFit this morning. Some days are really good, some are ok, but today? Sucked.

I was tired – this was day #5 in a row – and I don’t know … my mind wasn’t in the right place. I started feeling defeated when I struggled, which led to feeling pissed off (at myself) … then I felt like I might cry (anger/frustration does that to me) … then I felt like I might puke … then I felt like I could NOT lift or squat or otherwise move one more time.

I didn’t do any of those things because crying/puking in public does NOT happen … and quitting isn’t an option for me, either – I just finished the goddamn work despite REALLY wanting to bail. I was a good 5 or 6 minutes behind Jon (and everyone else), but I got it done. And I did the Rx weight for the first time. I don’t feel good about it, though, because – mentally – I was in a very negative place.

BUT – I went to have a TB test just a few hours after CrossFit and was quite surprised when the NP said, “OH! You have a fever.”

So maybe it wasn’t all mental?

This probably explains a lot – most especially why I’ve been so tired and unmotivated/unfocused this week – like to the point that the kitchen is a mess and I don’t care because I’d rather be asleep on the couch after dinner … and to the point that I’ve spent chunks of time at work forcing myself to stop staring into space.

The NP asked what’s going on, but I had/still have no idea. I thought the increase in exercise + stress of moving was making me feel run down. Apparently something else is going on.

Eggs for breakfast.

I met Jon for lunch near his office since I was out and available.

I freakin’ LOVE bread. I ate the two rolls and Jon ate the cornbread (he loves it, but I’m super picky and will refuse it if it has even one speck of sugar in it because that’s just not right).

We were going to split the salad, but I ended up eating just 3 or 4 bites. The dressing = basil vinaigrette. I generally like croutons, but we picked these off.

Jon had BBQ + green beans + collard greens. I had grilled chicken + green beans + grilled broccoli. The sauce they gave me was some sort of incredibly sweet raspberry glaze – or something. Too sweet. I brought half of my meal home which is something I think I’ve done maybe one other time in my entire life – something’s definitely up today.

Just one of those nights. I’m counting the fact that I got off the couch long enough to ride with Jon to pick this up as a success. Because – you know – in my world, a fever = IMPENDING DEATH.

Seriously, though, how the hell does a lifelong hypochondriac go on about life NOT KNOWING about a FEVER?