It’s sort of ridiculous that I can’t pinpoint having done anything of value throughout the weekend – but I can’t. I thought and talked a lot about fatism and fatist behavior (and DAMN I hate both of those terms for no good reason other than I just do), we grocery shopped, I took care of some stuff related to school … and … I don’t know. Nothing. I was in some sort of shitty mood, so I just went with it.

Jon’s been brewing his own beer lately – and made a new batch/pot/whatever – so that occupied a lot of his time/the house. And stank. Seriously.

I negotiated a little kitchen time from him yesterday and actually baked something. Surprising, right?

Flour-less PB cookies – found here.

The recipe passed through my filter because there are just 3 ingredients – egg, cup of sugar, cup of PB. And because I LOVE doughy/moist PB cookies. And because the whole make/bake/eat process promised to take 15 minutes, at most.

I broke it all down and determined that my batch = approximately 95 calories each (5 fat, 6 carb, 2 protein).

Unfortunately, they’re small enough to be dangerously mouth poppable … SO … I ate 3 and sent the rest of the batch home with the kid to get them out of the house.

I know my limits.

The verdict: Good, but not worth 95 calories – to me – since they don’t have much else going for them. They satisfied an immediate sweet craving – that’s all I hoped for.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning and found that it was raining + my stomach was hurting + I was feeling depressed/anxious about unknown/random things + I was dreading the day ahead + I REALLY didn’t want to exercise. But I went.

It was hard, and I had to pace myself so I wouldn’t puke, but I swear I felt like a totally different person by the time I was done. I actually felt excited and hopeful and capable and just happy – and it was barely 7am.

Same thing happened last Monday, which further confirms what I already know – just 2 days of no exercise/activity has the potential to send me straight to crazy-town.

It’s almost scary how fast it happens.

I didn’t really care AT ALL about my time for today’s MetCon – despite it being timed – because my personal goal was to just finish it by the 30 minute cut-off.

I did 25 reps of each, Jon did 40 (Rx = 50):

Box Jumps (I think mine was 12″)
Jumping Pull-Ups
KB Swings
Knees-2-Elbows (hanging from the bar trying to get knees 2 elbows – this was the most frustrating for me because I could do just 3-5 before dropping from the bar and having to climb back up again)
Push Presses
Back Extensions
Wall Balls (squat, up, throw a big/heavy ball up against the wall, catch, repeat)
Burpees (hate)
Double-Unders (I did regular jump rope but doubled amount to 50)

I recalculated my caloric need yesterday and found this (when indicating moderate exercise):
To maintain 185, I should eat 2849/day.
To lose 1lb/wk, I should eat 2349/day.
To lose 2lb/wk, I should eat 1849/day.

This seems really high to me. 2849 per day to maintain? I KNOW I don’t eat this – yet I faithfully maintain each and every week.

I don’t think I eat this, anyway.

I’ve been feeling somewhat motivated to count calories for the past few days, so I’m going to give it a shot for the next week to see what I’m actually eating. I must be eating more than I realize? Or not enough. Or something.

This was yesterday’s breakfast, but I had the same today minus the bacon. Meaning: eggs (fried in butter), as usual.

I said I was going to stop the snack-time, but now (today, anyway) I think I’m just going to focus primarily on calories since maybe I’m not eating enough – so I had the snack-time. In addition to having the snack-time, in general, I fairly significantly increased the amount of yogurt. This is 1/2 cup + blueberries + strawberries. I generally eat just 4-5 spoonfuls of yogurt and about half the fruit.

I had a babybel around lunchtime (another recycled picture).

And some ham – which was a MISTAKE. Way too salty to be eaten alone.

At this point, I was up to approximately 500 calories. Way too low, I know. I had a small can of green beans with me at work, but I just didn’t feel like eating anything else.

Dinner was a baked 8oz chicken breast (with jerk seasoning stuff on it) and steamed (plain, as always) vegetables.

My snack a little later – prunes.

I split a bag of walnuts to freeze – and ate a few as I did that – so I counted a whole serving and I’m STILL at just 1,561 calories.

I have NEVER IN MY LIFE had a problem with not eating enough, but maybe this is it.