Well, I’m feeling pretty calm today. The pendulum swung and I might actually be feeling some genuine excitement that isn’t laced with fear.

I’m ready to get this show on the road.

Today was a pretty typical day.

Eggs were scarfed down as I quickly packed my lunch and headed out the door for work.

I ate my standard mid-morning snack around 11.

Lunch was quick because I didn’t have time to deal with much this morning.

I ate a few almonds here and there, too, as I felt hunger. I try to limit nuts because I can very easily do some serious caloric damage with them and I’m well aware of that. I probably shouldn’t have even taken them to work but my lunch wasn’t sufficient and I knew it when I packed it.

Dinner was quick because I was feeling sore and tired and didn’t feel like dealing with it. My sandwich = some (toasted) bread that we bought for the kids a while back + turkey + provolone + 1/2 an avocado + a little bit of mayo + lettuce + onion.

I feel like the entire day has been rushed and that food has subsequently been a complete afterthought.

I was watching Jillian’s show last night – the one about a woman who lost weight (via gastric bypass) and then apparently gained it back. They didn’t really provide details – it was very vague – but it prompted me to think about my own current, past, and potential future behavior – and to worry a little, as usual.

I have very vivid (and relatively recent) memories of stopping at McDonald’s each and every night (that Jon was out of town, which was very often) to pick up a big mac + large fries + large coke. Standard routine – sometimes 5 nights a week – with some variation, of course.

Right now, I’m generally appalled that I was ok to live that way. Right now, I can’t remember why I thought it was convenient. Right now, I honestly can’t think of a less appealing dinner. Right now, I think about the grease and the stomachache and the general lack of nutrition and think that I’m justified in feeling appalled. Two years from now? I don’t know what I’ll feel, think, or do. I strongly doubt I’ll be sitting at a drive-thru weighing 272 pounds – BUT – I’ve been there … so … I guess anything’s possible?

SCARY thought. Seriously.

(I kind of feel shitty for thinking/saying that because I was perfectly happy – it’s not like it was some awful thing – and I do NOT intend to be judgmental about this – but I want my current active/healthier life. Forever, please. More and more, I’m finding that I’m happier being in control of my eating/coping/life.)

I’m a never-say-never person, but I very seriously hope I never wind up back where I was. Won’t be the end of the world, I’m sure, but I can’t imagine losing what I’ve worked so hard to gain.