Turns out putting off almost everything you have to do until after a trip might be …. uhhh … STUPID.

We hit the ground running when we got home and didn’t have much down time to do things like plan meals and buy groceries and pay bills and scrub the bathroom because we were too busy with the exhaustion/sleeping. Plus work. Plus school. Plus the stress of having to make some big life decisions very soon.

So … last week was bad. We ate out just about every night, I think – and when I say ate out, I mean ate whatever the hell we wanted. I took Pepto Bismol every night. Until today, I can think of just a handful of meals at home since we’ve been home – NINE days.

And Valentine’s Day happened, of course. And I have the sweetest husband who knows ice cream + cake = MY FAVORITE THING EVER. I usually keep it under control.

This year? I ate half of it by myself from Saturday morning (when he gave it to me) to last night. The rest went in the trash today. Honestly, nothing but some strong guilt, determination and active self-control kept me from eating the whole thing – I wanted to.

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Today was a work holiday for me, so I had a free day to really get back on track – and I have. It’s crazy that a couple weeks away threw us off so badly – but it happened – not the end of the world. I am feeling much calmer … and MUCH happier to have my life/house back to normal, though.

I made it to the gym this afternoon and did 40 minutes of cardio on the stair thing and bike. I swear I was in tears as I looked for a parking place and struggled finding one. I HAD to work out today. It was reaching crisis level.

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This is actually yesterday’s breakfast – but they’re all about the same. Cereal+milk does nothing for me and leaves me hungry 15 minutes later. Adding it to yogurt+ fruit seems to be fine.

Lunch was quick because I was home briefly between errands. I love these. I’ve missed them.

I’m on my own this week, so I made some sort of chili for dinner tonight. I say “some sort” because I’ve never made chili before. I’ve assembled it based on Jon’s instructions, but I didn’t have those instructions and I didn’t feel like dealing with a recipe, so I just dumped some stuff together that seemed like what he uses and hoped for the best.

The goal was to get several easy-to-pack lunches out of this. I think I succeeded. I counted the calories for the pot and divided by 6 – 315 calories per serving.

My body has been surviving on copious amounts of sugar lately, so I ate a little when the OHMYGODINEEDSUGAR craving hit a little after dinner.

It’s half of a small fage (2%) container, some plum jam (that I stirred all in) and a few ginger snaps.

SO GOOD. I love ginger … and I really love ginger + cinnamon (which is in the plum jam) … so this was almost better than ice cream cake.

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I haven’t been in the best place – emotionally, regarding food/eating – lately. One shitty meal after another – and day after day of no exercise – wore on me until I felt like I was going to lose my mind yesterday. Why didn’t I just STOP eating the shit? Why didn’t I just go to the gym? I don’t know.

I know it was only a week (the 2 recent trips don’t play a role because I actually ate decently and exercised – I’ve gone crazy at home), but I woke up today feeling like a choice had to be made.

I chose to live my new life today – not the old out-of-control one – and I feel great tonight, physically AND emotionally.

I did some thinking, too, about what I’d tell someone who might be struggling with the horrible emotional eating cycle … and I reminded myself that change, for me, comes from awareness and recognition.

So … I bought a little notebook so I can write down what’s going on when I feel sick and tired and out-of-control and have no desire to eat crap again … but yet find myself eating large amounts of greasy Chinese food anyway … just to feel like shit, emotionally and physically, for hours.

It’s tiny – no pressure – but I think some awareness and processing of what’s going on will help.

I am going to beat this.

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