Ok, this jogging situation SUCKS.

Reason #1) I have never run IN MY LIFE. People don’t run when they’re 100 pounds overweight. No surprise, huh? The trainer would make me jog but never for whole MINUTES at a time, over and over. I’ve tried the C25K thing before, too, but I’ve never kept it up this long. Now I remember why.

Reason #2) I can do most cardioish things – including the godawful stair thing – with relative ease and without feeling like I’m DYING. I thought I was having a heart attack Monday night. And last night? No better.

Reason #3) I hate running on the indoor track at my gym. I’m having to go at night and it has been ridiculously packed each time. Having to watch out for people and go around people and just generally deal with people when I’m feeling like I’m dying is NOT enjoyable. I will be jogging up and down my driveway if the sidewalks in my neighborhood aren’t free of snow by tomorrow night.

Reason #4) I hate being bad at things/not being able to do things. This is requiring some motivation and effort I didn’t realize it would require. The problem is, I’m pissed it’s taking such motivation and effort to jog for 9 fucking minutes – not even consecutively!

I’m not going to let this beat me. At this point, stopping would just be quitting because it’s hard/uncomfortable. It would be failure.

I KNOW it will get better. I just get discouraged when I watch these people – including JON, who has the nerve to be all smiley and sweet even when I’m telling him to shut the hell up already about 30 MORE SECONDS – run around the track with ease.

I have no patience – that’s the real problem. I feel like I should just be able to do this … and I can’t.

Well, that’s not really fair. I CAN do it. It’s just hard. And I want it to be easy.

I’m thinking that’s not going to happen anytime soon.