In an effort to manage this plateau I’m on (otherwise known as Good Excuse For I Eat Too Damn Much Junk), I got out all of my WW stuff and took a trip down memory lane.

I’ve been doing this weight loss thing for a long time.

I have no idea how many times I’ve actually joined, but the first record I have is from 2001. I was a resolutioner! I am pretty sure this isn’t the first time I joined.

I very vividly remember the first time I joined. It was during the summer – likely 1999 or 2000. I was told by my gyn that I needed to lose weight – and that WW was the best place to start. I’m not sure I even knew what WW was, but I know that I cried the whole way home – not because I needed to lose weight, I knew that – because I had no idea HOW.

That resolution joining I did in January 01 at 223 that lasted all of one week? Turned into 242 by September 01. 20 pounds in 8 months.

I stayed in the 240’s for a while – at least several years. Not sure when this joining happened since the year is smudged, but my guess is 2003ish.

I made it down to 216, which I’m pretty confident is the lowest I’ve been until now.

And then …. 263 in 2005.

By 2008 I was at 272 -and likely higher at times in between.

The food journals tell the story.

I was 21, living on my own, working full time, still in school (somewhat) and POOR. This is what I ate – and I lost weight doing it.

My trainer told me – the first time I met with her in 2008 – that she wanted me to stop WW thinking and transition to healthier eating/basic tracking of eating. I was pretty shocked since I’d been doing WW off and on for so long and had had success (not lasting success, but what I considered success at the time, anyway), but THIS IS WHY. I lost weight eating this way for YEARS … and would then regain it when my portions started creeping back up. And would then rejoin. And would then lose weight eating this way. Etc.

I think it goes without saying that I’ve spent most of my 20’s abusing the shit out of my body. Not only was I eating crap, not exercising in any way, and yo-yoing all over the place – despite having the tools and knowledge (WW) to stop – but I was smoking at least a pack a day. (Don’t know how I afforded it, but I think any smoker will attest to the fact that you just MAKE IT WORK. I quit in 2004ish and am now all crazy about it/can smell it a mile away/makes me sick.)

I don’t think I ever wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be thin. BIG difference.

I found this amongst all the books and points finders:

I can’t believe even my 21 year old self accepted this kind of bullshit. I WANTED to be thin. I didn’t have the willpower to do it the right way.

I’m going to be 30 this year. I want this decade to be better. I’m not stupid – I have proof that failing is a definite possibility. I have a little bit more willpower, though. Maybe it’s a combination that will work?

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I’m feeling a little cranky today – and ready to guzzle a bag of sugar, but whatever. I did this to myself.

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SO …. the 30 Day Shred. I was somewhat unfairly flippant about it the other day.

My issue with it = I’m spoiled by having had a trainer for so long. I am used to quite a bit of variation and the constant addition of new things to my sessions, etc. Also? I’m used to hour long sessions, so 20 minutes feels like cheating to me – but that’s a mind thing.

I am planning to utilize the 30 Day Shred – did it again yesterday, in fact – but I’m definitely planning to create more variation somehow.

Honestly – I would continue with the trainer forever if I won the lottery or somehow otherwise had a pile of money. A dvd just isn’t the same. That’s my problem. I’m sure I’ll get over it.

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I’m trucking along with the C25K thing. This week: jog 90 seconds, walk 90 seconds, jog 3 minutes, walk 3 minutes, repeat. Looks like I’ll be doing it at the gym again tonight. The sidewalks are marginally better since I took this picture yesterday afternoon, but I’m not expecting much improvement unless the temp rises above freezing today.

This is just ridiculous. I’m sure I’ve mentioned I HATE THIS.

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