Well, Boston was fun, but I seriously effed myself up. That day of fried stuff, ice cream and pizza? It ended very badly. With puking. And a loss of sleep. And a fear that I wouldn’t stop puking and would have to change my flight the next day.

I’m not sure what I was thinking. I think I was thinking that it would be ok, that it was just a weekend, what’s the harm?

I made it on the early flight, but I felt really sick the entire day – and groggy. We got home around 1:30 or so on Sunday and I was asleep by 5:30. I slept all night and didn’t wake up until 6:30 Monday morning.

I’m fine now, but damn. That weekend of eating junk put me over the edge. I just can’t do it anymore.

I am having to seriously think about what I’m doing right now. My focus is gone. I’m floating along and maintaining really well, but my priorities have shifted fairly significantly. I expected this to happen once the semester started, but I was really hoping it wouldn’t happen quite so radically.

I’m giving myself one week after this semester ends to get my shit together. After that – if I haven’t – I’m going to have to do some serious evaluation to determine what’s going on. I’m SO close to the end. I’m within 30 pounds of being DONE having to focus on weight loss. Might seem like a lot, but I’ve already lost 80. 30 more seems completely manageable.

I think I’m sabotaging myself.

Yes, I’m busy and crazy and can barely remember to take a shower on time most days because I’m so focused on other things – but that’s really not an excuse. I’ve been in school throughout the entire weight loss process. I’ve been busy. I’ve been able to prioritize, though, and make food or exercise – at least one – a major priority. Right now? Neither’s working out so well – for reasons I can’t concretely define.

I waffle back and forth each day with feeling like I’m at the right place for this point in my life and feeling like I’m failing myself because I’m so close, yet not following through.

I have NEVER been more ready for a semester to end. It’s been good, but I need some time to breathe.

My (very loose) goal is to get through November and to then make myself (and weight loss) my goal for the entire month of December. I think that’s fair.

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