I have been irrationally and freakishly intensely craving sugar today.

I didn’t eat much for breakfast – a hard boiled egg and a slice of swiss cheese – but I ate a decent lunch (BBQ). Unfortunately, I walked in the door to the BBQ place and saw a picture of a hot fudge cake.

That was all it took.

I swear I thought about that damn hot fudge cake the whole time I ate lunch. Toward the end of the meal, I casually joked to Jon that maybe we should get one. He shot it down immediately, of course, and I (quite irrationally) had the thought that I could just get one to go after he left and take it home to eat it all by myself.

The good news? I didn’t do it. Also? The thought lasted about .03 seconds before I recognized that I’m having problems today.

The hot fudge cake is NOT the issue. I eat that kind of stuff if I really want it. I don’t do deprivation.

The problem? I didn’t just want it – I was obsessing about it. I was mad when Jon didn’t want it. I didn’t want it just to want it as a casual treat. I was having crazy thoughts and I knew it.

I’d like to say that the crazy thoughts went away, but they didn’t. I’ve had to actively work on talking myself out of eating junk all day. We don’t keep much in our house, but I’ve had to talk myself out of drinking a coke (purchased for kids – which I mostly disagree with, but it’s not my call), out of eating an entire chocolate candy bar I’ve had hanging around for about a week, and out of eating some crap candy we bought for Halloween.

Not so successful on that last part.

I think I horrified myself out of wanting any more sugar after I got a slight (well, 3 small boxes) fix. I also realized, as I cried my way through the Biggest Loser, that I must be having hormone issues.

We bought this shit specifically because I knew buying any sort of chocolate would be a mistake. I had NO idea I’d ever actually consider eating it and almost didn’t even buy it to give to trick-or-treating kids because … uhh … it’s just disgusting. I didn’t throw away the leftovers because I NEVER dreamed I’d eat it.

It’s just effin’ ridiculous that I have to work so hard to talk myself out of damaging behaviors because of PMS. Seriously RIDICULOUS. My thoughts just change. I go from rational to irrational scarily quickly.

Jon put some sort of meat in the crock pot this morning and let it cook all day. We put lettuce, some pepperjack cheese, homemade guacamole, some homemade yogurt and salsa on top.

No exercise today, but I had an extremely busy day catching up on life stuff – took the car to have the oil changed, went to a dentist appointment, got my hair cut, cleaned the house, paid bills.

I’m exhausted tonight.

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