I have been feeling incredibly negative lately. VERY negative. Like – hate the world negative – except I don’t. Sit around and bitch all day negative – except I don’t do that, either (well, not much).

I am NOT handling stress well right now. I don’t like myself when I’m this way – it has to stop. I’m not a negative person. I’m cynical and (some might say) arrogant and opinionated, but that strengths perspective thing? I am SO there.

I’ve tried to figure out what’s going on with me lately and even made a list of the things that are bothering me/stressing me out … and started crossing off things I can’t control.

Turns out I can’t control much of it – but I CAN control one part: my eating and exercise. Seems stupid that I’d add that to the list, but this is a fairly large stressor given how strongly I want to make my weight loss for the goal for the year. And given the fact that I see/feel myself slipping. And have been known to eat my weight in ice cream during times of high stress.

I’m definitely seeing a pattern of craziness start to creep back in with the eating. I’m feeling stress about something (unrelated to food) … so …. I gravitate toward junk. If I don’t eat it, I sit there feeling the known stress and wanting to alleviate it with food. If I eat it, I may or may not alleviate the known stress, but I always circle right back on around to stress about the weight, anyway. I can’t win either way and I KNOW THAT.

Recognizing it has helped, but that doesn’t completely change the situation. The pattern is there. Just waiting. Food has been my coping method – always, I guess.

I’m aware and in control – most of the time. I know I need to be in control always. I know I can. It just requires some work.

I had a session with the trainer at 6AM that tremendously improved my mood. Went to pilates tonight, too.

My eating has been random throughout the day.

I ate eggs when I got home from working out.

I KNOW it’s going to be a good day when I make a huge (but not surprising, of course) mess that doesn’t result in tears.

TWO.

I was cooking some eggs at the time. Dog obedience = worth every moment spent working on it. His little tongue was sticking out and he was whining like crazy, but he wouldn’t go near it without permission.

I threw a bunch of random stuff in my bag for lunch since I spent my salad making time cleaning up eggs.

Walnuts:

An apple and some strawberries:

And cheese:

I ate a mini snickers on my way home (given to me – in a car, but I wasn’t moving):

I ate a couple more eggs when I got home – prior to pilates:

Dinner = ribs picked up from a BBQ place on the way home from pilates and some steamed asparagus:

Not the best food day, but I feel like I have a lot of energy – and it carried me through 2 (non-consecutive) hours of working out …. I’m ok.

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