Long day.

I spent about 8 hours writing a bunch of what now (upon a new reading) appears to be total shit. My vision is blurry and my brain is tired and I’m over it.

I thought about going to the gym early this morning, but I had what seemed to be a brilliant idea right at the deciding moment. Sat down and didn’t get up again for four hours – so – no gym.

Jon made the chili he was planning to make last night when he got up at 4:30 this morning (swear to god I have the best husband ever). Seemed a little strange to wake up to the house smelling like chili – it was a good thing, though. Excellent breakfast, too.

It was dark since it was early, of course, so the picture looks horrible. I tried to lighten it – just not my thing. I keep meaning to take a photoshop class at school while they’re free, but I never have time. Someday. Maybe. I do this just for fun, for sure, but it would be nice if most of the pictures didn’t look completely disgusting.

I ate chili again for lunch so I didn’t bother taking a picture. Exciting day – can’t you tell?

So … dinner …

Jon’s got some stressful stuff going on at work and has a hurting back and didn’t feel like cooking and I DEFINITELY didn’t feel like cooking anything … so we went out. AGAIN.

I’m still working on trying to eat at restaurants and not blow my whole week to hell – think I did ok tonight. We went to a Chinese place and I ordered mongolian chicken. I know the sauce on the chicken is likely full of sugar, but I didn’t eat much rice – maybe a spoonful or two. And egg drop soup. Not too bad overall.

I haven’t been weighing much, but I recorded an “official” weight this morning. I’m back up to 192. I made it down to 189 VERY briefly but it went right back up and has been there consistently. My body is just REALLY liking that fucking weight for some reason.

I’d like to say I don’t know what to do to get off this plateau and reset my body so it doesn’t think this is where it should stay eternally – but I know. I’m just not doing it. I’m just not eating clean enough and I’ve dropped cardio to almost nothing. I eat well – but I don’t measure anything. I eat ok when we eat out – but not perfectly. I am maintaining with zero thought – just maintaining a weight I DON’T WANT TO BE.

The zone block thing? I’m getting around to it.

I’m becoming pissed at myself, for sure. I say I want to do something and get it over with and JUST DO IT for chrissakes … and then I just don’t. Or it takes me a while to get around to it. Or I don’t devote much time to it.

Irritating.

I need a reset button.

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