I have two things to whine about and one thing to bitch about.
Whine #1 – I’m experiencing pure hell right now. Well … I alternate between thinking my life is fabulous and thinking it’s gone straight to hell on any given day – check back tomorrow and I might feel differently. The problem? I have so many different things pulling me in so many different directions – it’s ridiculously overwhelming. I have so many things to do, in fact, that I have ZERO business taking the time to complain about it.
Whine #2 – I’ve been weighing myself every day and I weigh the SAME THING each and every day. 192.0. Every day. I started this crap because Jon suggested that I average my weight instead of getting pissed once a week. Now? I’m pissed EVERY DAY.
I’ve already forgotten what I was going to bitch about – Did I mention my life is going to straight to hell because I have too many things to do/think about?
This new eating behavior I’ve practiced and reinforced and implemented over the past year or so is apparently serious business. I had a couple days this week with nothing decent to eat or pack (lack of time to grocery shop) and I thought I was going to have a breakdown. I am 100% unwilling to cave – unless it’s planned and appropriate (defined by me) like the weekend stuff – so I didn’t. I know I’m a crazy creature of habit, but I honestly felt surprised at how extremely antsy I was over a lack of fruit and eggs. I’ve spent so much time learning to be prepared food-wise that I was a little freaked when I wasn’t.
I went to the grocery store and fixed it, so today was ok. Breakfast was yogurt/fruit/walnuts – had no time for anything else. Took it with me in the car.
I packed my lunch at some crazy early time – have I mentioned that I HATE that it’s dark all the damn time now? If not, I HATE IT. I packed a salad that = spinach, feta, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots. I didn’t use a dressing/oil of any kind since the feta is so strong.
And I cut up an apple.
And I took the sausage/pepper leftovers from last night.
I came home from work, rushed around – unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, did some laundry, swept the kitchen and cooked dinner at the same time – all so I could rush to a writing workshop. A writing workshop where I’m sure I’d get SCREAMED AT for my …. all the …. time … and my USE of capitalization and weirdness and otherwise blatant disregard for proper grammar. (I am usually a freak about writing rules – except here, obviously. Have to have somewhere to rebel, I guess?)
I rushed to get there, got there, walked about 2 minutes from my car and promptly decided to f it and went back home. The problem? It was POURING. My jeans were soaked up to my knees, everything in my backpack was getting soaked – and I had an umbrella. It just wasn’t worth it. I was tired, tired of feeling rushed, not motivated and just generally feeling like I couldn’t take one more second of bullshit. Spending two hours sitting around in wet clothes and shoes discussing some writing guidelines? Not happening.
Anyway. Dinner was easy – a salad w/turkey (cooked with cayenne, red pepper flakes, peppers and red onion), some pepperjack cheese, 1/2 an avocado and tomatoes.
I’m hungry again (3 hours later), but I’m not eating a damn thing. I’ve had enough today. I am DETERMINED to end this plateau BS. I worked out with the trainer yesterday and will again Friday – will have pilates tomorrow night. It’s the food. And the lack of cardio. Something has to change/happen – SOON.