So, today was good. I woke up and recognized that I felt “normal” as soon as my eyes opened. My first thought was “huh, I feel good” as opposed to “huh, I hate everyone today.” Good thing considering I had a session with the trainer at 6AM, classes all day, and pilates tonight.

I was listening to the news this morning and happened to catch a segment on the Today show about a woman living with vitiligo. She mentioned her struggles living in her own skin … and said something about how hard it is to struggle with something that’s so visual.

She made me think about my own issues and lack of patience for people who complain about not being treated adequately because of their weight (another very visual struggle) … and I started questioning why I react, in general, so strongly – and not always favorably – to stories and struggles portrayed by people who have body size/shape/image issues – especially since I have nothing but extreme compassion for people living with other issues/problems.

I recognize how hard it is to be different. I recognize that people struggle. I recognize that being overweight is very visual – it can’t be hidden. I recognize that it just plain sucks to have to live in a body – or with a situation – that isn’t generally accepted. I recognize that the fat acceptance movement has provided a community and support and validation for people who likely very much need it. I also recognize, though, that body image issues can be overcome in a healthy and productive way. I recognize that begging industries to accept people for who they are doesn’t fix the root of the problem – people not accepting themselves for who they are. I recognize that I’m too close to the struggle to be able to rationally think about it.

Anyway. I’m tired tonight. I’m a fairly early riser, but I NEVER get up at 5AM. That’s the plan for the rest of the semester – at least a couple days a week – though. Have to fit in the workouts when I can … looks like that’s the best it’s going to get with the trainer. I’ve made a commitment to fit in a quick workout (cardio) during a break in classes a couple days a week, too, so I guess I’ll see how that goes. And pilates – I LOVE pilates – will be keeping that up at least once a week. The semester is going to be crazy, but I have to do whatever it takes to keep my priorities properly aligned – working out before most sane people are out of bed isn’t going to kill me (hopefully).

Breakfast this morning – same as always:

I completely forgot to take a picture of my lunch because I was on the phone with my mom and was distracted as I was preparing it all. I took the same salad w/turkey that I had for dinner yesterday – and some celery sticks with almond butter.

I’m still loving the new bag.

I had a small snack (and a small nap and some aspirin) when I got home from school – just prior to pilates.

STUPID mistake, of course. Just that little bit of food made my stomach hurt just 10 minutes in to the class. Consequently, no dinner when I got home. I ate about half a serving of green beans (from a can, which I’ve decided I’m not a fan of), but that’s it for tonight.

I haven’t been dealing with fitday because I’ve been cranky and unwilling to add that extra layer of frustration to my life. Maybe tomorrow.

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