I’ve known … forever … that allowing myself to weigh 272 pounds had more to do with some jacked up thinking than simply eating too much junk and not exercising. Life’s just not that simple. It took a while, though, for me to realize that what I’ve done over the past year is somewhat retrain myself – my way of thinking.

I knew when I left work today that I didn’t have anything decent to eat at home – I knew I was tired – I knew I didn’t feel like dealing with cooking and cleaning and all that. I briefly thought about stopping at Panera for a salad, but felt that might be a cop out. I drove down the restaurant row near my house and smelled really good stuff, but had zero desire to stop. I made it to the grocery store and walked past the (conveniently placed) bakery stuff … feeling kind of fine about passing it all up. THEN, I stood in that store feeling hungry, tired and cranky and read all the damn labels on the yogurt and cheese I bought. THEN, I came home and cooked and was happy about it.

It dawned on me as I was eating that I had some pretty healthy thoughts throughout the whole process. NEVER did I think: “I’m tired, I deserve (whatever).” or “I’m too hungry to cook.” or “Wendy’s is cheaper.” or “GOD, it’s ONE meal.” or “I’m sick of this.” or “I’ll just drink a lot of water tomorrow/eat fewer calories/etc.”

I think I went and trained myself and didn’t even realize it.

I just did a very small amount of research on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) use re: weight loss and found that I’m not the first genius to think it could be applicable. There are whole weight loss books and programs and institutes to go to that utilize CBT … apparently I’m WAY behind. Story of my life.

Had to work today and had zero time this morning for eggs, so I grabbed some natural PB to get at least a little protein. Not sure why I’m gravitating toward PB so much lately, but I’ve been eating it straight from the spoon.

Lunch was sort of plain again. Salad w/salsa, cheese and watermelon. Brought the apple sauce back home with me.

Dinner was going to be chicken, but ended up being a salad w/about 8 ounces of ground turkey (cooked with a red onion, green & red peppers and cayenne pepper), 1/2 of a fabulous avocado, tomatoes, sour cream (because I’m out of Jon’s yogurt) and some pepperjack cheese. This is definitely comfort-type food for me – SO good.

Calories = 1,670, Fat = 96g, Carbs = 131g, Protein = 93g. Still not an optimal day, but not too bad. The carbs are going to be high until the watermelon is gone (and I cry).

I’m sore and tired tonight and can’t believe I’m up at almost 11PM. Going to be cranky tomorrow.

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