So, I weighed yesterday and was NOT happy with the results. How I managed to gain a couple of ounces and lose NOTHING is a mystery. I thought I did everything (mostly) the right way.

Here’s the breakdown from the 13th to the 19th:

An average of 1822 calories, but 143g of carbs and 90g of protein. I know I need to lower the carbs and up the protein, for sure, but GD … the carbs are coming primarily from fruit. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my mind around HOW THAT CAN RESULT IN WEIGHT GAIN. The calories needed = 2931, so I had an adequate deficit. I did cardio @ the gym on Sunday, training on Monday, pilates on Tuesday, took a break Wednesday and did pilates again Thursday. Who knows? I guess it’s really not all about calories in/calories out. (I think I’m still having a hard time embracing that.)

I was pretty pissed yesterday – so much so that I threw a pretty stupid fit and let it ruin my morning. The good thing – I didn’t let it take over and control me/push me directly towards sabotage (later last night is a slightly different story since I did have some ice cream). I’m not sure why I let it affect me so much. I am usually pretty calm about this stuff (lately). I set a goal, though, to be as close to 170 as possible by the time classes start again (and I become a stressed freak) and I saw the gain/maintain and just flipped out over a “lost week.” I’ll get over it. It’s just hard to keep my desire for things to be perfect/accomplished/finished from creeping into my weight loss … I let it this time. I know better.

I’m really starting to believe the scale is a huge problem, anyway. I would stop weighing, but I’m not going to kid myself and think I can do that. I’m noticing changes. I need to stop dwelling and worrying about numbers and planning and thinking so much.

I waited until around 2 to eat today and had a salad at Panera. I got the chicken cobb salad and Jon got the fuji apple chicken salad (something like that?), so we shared both since I was too hungry to share just one.

Snack earlier tonight:

And another one (that shouldn’t have been brought into this house AT ALL, but kid plus my family are here – had a couple servings):

Dinner (turkey burger for me & homemade sweet potato fries):

I’m not having the best weekend food-wise, but I’m ok with that. I’ve thought about it and I don’t think I’m sabotaging or losing resolve because I’m angry about the weight, but I DO think I needed a slight break from thinking too much about food. The flipping out about the weight kinda opened my eyes to some obsessing.