I think we might’ve lost our minds a little over the food thing. We did our grocery shopping for the upcoming week yesterday and went to FOUR different stores. Meat from one, fruit from another, veggies from another, and a few misc things at the last. It took just about all day. It was fun, for sure – just a tad ridiculous. Also? EXPENSIVE. (Which is only partially our fault for taking the lazy way and buying pre-cut pineapple & watermelon. Ok – maybe even partially more our fault for missing the farmers market.)

We missed the farmers despite both being up by 6AM because we spent the morning doing things I can’t quite even remember. I know I cleaned the house and paid bills and did laundry and I know Jon went running and cooked, but otherwise … yesterday morning is a blur now.

(I really, really want to be able to run with him. Damn foot. Soon.)

Breakfast was scrambled eggs with onions, green peppers and cheese – a little too much like a frittata, but I was able to eat it:

We ate lunch at Earth Fare – a salad w/sprouts, olives, tomatoes, broccoli, 2 squares of potato salad, about an ounce of chicken, very little vinegar & oil, a few walnuts, and carrots:

Dinner was a grilled pork chop and steamed asparagus (for scale, the red plates are small salad type plates):

My snack last night was a couple slices of pineapple, which I LOVE:

My dad & wife stopped by last night on their way through my town as they were heading home from a recent trip and happened to mention that they celebrated their 9 year anniversary a few days ago. After they left, I remembered I still have the dress I wore to their wedding. I’ve hung on to it all this time because I wanted to be able to wear it again (though not publicly … who knows what I was thinking when I bought it). I’ve used it as sort of a goal item, maybe? So … I put it on … and it’s way too big. Last time I tried it on I couldn’t get it past my stomach. Now? Very baggy. I’m not sure why I’m so shocked by things like this, but I am – every time. I don’t feel differently. I look at myself and see lots of weight I still need to lose, not a body that is smaller and smaller each week. I definitely don’t see or recognize a body that should be able to fit into that dress. I wonder when/if that will change?

For some reason, I’ve had it in my head throughout the past 9 years that this dress is some tiny thing that I’d love to be able to fit into again, but I doubted it would ever happen. I checked the label last night – 18. Seriously. A size 18 has been my goal.

The dress being too big isn’t really as big a deal to me as I thought it would (should?) be. Clothes and sizes and vanity used to play a slightly larger role – now, though, I just don’t care. Yes, I like how easy shopping has become, but … whatever. My body changing has everything to do with how fit I am and very little to do with sizes. I am a little surprised to find that the dress actually represents hopelessness to me now – years of feeling like I’d be overweight forever – out of control – unhealthy. I just can’t believe I gave in to the hopelessness and expected to indefinitely live an unhealthy life … and I still have no idea how I found my way out.

(Yes, I look hideous. It was late, I was tired and I typically don’t give a shit too much – so my hair is a mess. Of important note is the fact that I’m holding the dress out away from my chest. This = pretty significant loss of boobs as I once filled the top part of that dress out VERY well. Oh, well.)

A marginally better progress picture Jon took yesterday:

Advertisements