I honestly had no idea how stressed I’ve been until it ended. I feel amazing … and happy … and free! Turns out high levels of stress = a decrease in exercise, but low levels = some sort of energetic burst that has me at the gym 2 hours a day. It should be the other way around, but it is what it is. Regardless, I am incredibly happy to be back at it with such intensity. 2 or 3 times a week kept me from gaining and allowed me to lose a few pounds, but 2 or 3 hours a day enables me to lose pretty quickly and to realize significant increases in ability.

There is definitely a fine balance between too much and too little activity for me. Either end of the spectrum causes stress, so I’m hoping to stay right in the middle for at least a week. I’m on day 2 of freedom and I’m already bored, so it’s not looking good. This is the first summer I’ve not been working full time or going to classes (or both), so I’m in new territory. I start a new field placement next week, though, and I seriously can’t wait.

I’m still fiddling with my diet and have been trying to reduce carbs as much as possible. I decided to wing it, though, and haven’t been counting anything at all. No points, no calories, etc. I think I need to learn how to do this without rigid boundaries, so I’m giving it a try. I’m ok if that means I won’t lose weight as quickly. I need to do it. I kind of look at it as a removal of training wheels … scary, but necessary.

I’m not sure that I’m going to keep updating the stats and logs pages. I like having the record, but I think I became a little too fixated on numbers and plans. Taking it all day by day was my intention when I began and I think that’s what helped keep me going. I don’t look at the log calendar and see a record/history, though. Seeing an empty calendar sparks my perfectionist drive and causes me to make plans and goals, etc. that I feel like a failure if I don’t or can’t keep. I like the laid back approach I took when I started the weight loss process, so I might continue it. I’m thinking that I don’t really care what exercise I did on what day, anyway. We’ll see.

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