I have been all over the place today. I woke up feeling pretty happy and motivated, but was cranky by noon and sad by 3. Sometimes I wish I could turn off my internal mood reader and just exist instead of feeling and analyzing every little swing.

Classes started yesterday (for me). In classic first-day fashion, I freaked right out about how much work is coming, how many books I need to buy, who I’d wind up in groups with, etc. My stomach hurt most of the day.

The stress I’m feeling today stems from the complete inability I seem to have to decide whether to drop a class. I want to take the class for a variety of reasons: I like the professor a lot, I like the content, I think it will help improve my writing skills, I think it will be beneficial to have on my transcript. I don’t want to take it for one distinct reason: I am lazy.

I have no real need to take the class. It’s above the 12 hours I’m taking that DO count for something, so it’s essentially for fun and the possibility that it MIGHT matter someday. I feel a TREMENDOUS amount of stress about this for some reason. I don’t like to commit to things and then quit. I know going to one class is not really committing, but I feel like it is since I discussed taking the class with the professor months ago. I also feel as if I’m letting her down in some jacked up way. I know she doesn’t care at all – but again – I feel like I committed.

I know I will like it. I know I will benefit from it. I know I will feel spread too thin and will turn into a heinous bitch. I know I will struggle to find the time to do the work and to keep up with everything.

GOD. What to do.

Oh, yeah. Health and fitness. I lost 3.6 pounds this week. That is not all true weight loss and is really just the loss of some bloating from all the crap we ate in NYC, but it’s a loss nonetheless. I’m happy.

I’m cooking dinner for the first time in ages tonight instead of going out since I’m trying to eliminate as many meals out as possible. I made a pot of chili and have the cornbread cooking right now. I couldn’t bring myself to use 1/4 cup of oil or whatever it was that the cornbread recipe said, so I used a tablespoon of melted brummel & brown. I hope it’s edible.

Rested/no exercise on Wednesday since I was so incredibly sore. Pilates last night. It almost killed me, but I felt fabulous during and after the class. Excellent stress relief. Hour of cardio at the gym at the crack of dawn today. I also did a few sets of arm stuff on the machines, but I bailed pretty quickly. I have a definite love/hate relationship with the machines and am finding more and more that I prefer free weights. We’re planning to get the Wii Fit out after dinner. I don’t necessarily consider it exercise and mostly do it for fun, but I think it slightly counts since it’s better than just sitting.

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