I can’t even remember the last time I properly exercised. Last Wednesday or Thursday, I think. It’s so hard after just a couple days of inactivity. Can’t imagine how I’m going to feel after this break.

I miss it. I woke up this morning from a dream that I was doing dips (with my mother-in-law … who I was actively competing with. my competitive drive is apparently strong even in dreams.). I was sleeping on my messed up shoulder, so the pain made it a pretty realistic dream.

We’re in NYC and we’re having a lot of fun, of course. I’m sure I will have gained at least half a ton by the time I get home, but I’m not dwelling on it. I’m making decent choices and I’m not overdoing it. Just enjoying everything.

I just looked back through some of the blog entries that I wrote earlier in the year (J is at Dr. with a child – thank God for walk-in clinics at pharmacies) and I can see how crazy the weight loss process has made me. I waffle back and forth … one day I’m declaring Christmas is ONE day, the next I’m saying that I’m giving up sugar … then I eat for a month and continue with the sugar. I see addict tendencies. I see strong resolve and then weak failure. Overall, it’s been effin’ HARD.

I still can’t believe I’ve lost so much weight this year. The rest seems manageable. Easy. I know how to do it. Just have to actually do it.

2 good things: (1) My increased fitness level means walking around NYC is much easier and more fun this year. (2) J’s #2 child went and ran last night when we got back to the hotel (while I laid in bed and felt semi-guilty for not joining). He tried running with J a few months ago but had to walk back to our house because he couldn’t keep up. Now? He’s completely able to keep up, asks J to run with him and has lost 35 pounds since the summer. So happy for him.