This is my problem and I’m sticking to it.

So maybe it’s not my only problem, but it seems like a convenient excuse at the moment. It seems much easier to convince myself of this than allowing recognition that my response to stress is to eat everything in sight.

I swear I feel what I imagine a drug addict would feel. I’m stressed, I’m an emotional mess and I’m having trouble controlling myself. I think about it when I’m eating cheetos at midnight and it seems like a nonissue. I think about it now and I feel absolutely ridiculous. Why can’t I control myself? What is wrong with me that makes me want to constantly eat? Why do I use food to make myself feel better? Of all the things available to me, why would I choose the worst (cheetos)?

I thought I’d be able to be strong throughout the past week with my family, but I failed miserably. I came home sick and had to eat antacids to make it through the night. I didn’t necessarily eat a lot of junk, I just ate larger quantities than I’m used to and ordered things at restaurants that I’d typically avoid. I also ate something dessert-ish every single day.

I’ve been home to sleep overnight twice in nine days (and am out of town again tonight) and it’s wearing on me. I’m making bad choices and I’m almost reluctant to think about what it will take to get myself into a better mental place. I wish I knew the secret to staying on track when my routine goes out the window and stress creeps in, but I don’t.

My effort to find something positive about the week: I had the foresight to schedule an appointment with my trainer at 2 on Friday, which meant I’d have to leave my mom’s house by 5am to make it home in time. I was completely exhausted and emotionally drained, but am very glad that I did it.

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