I absolutely know that I shouldn’t weigh myself every morning. It’s a bad habit and I’m familiar with all of the reasons why it’s a bad habit, but it’s a habit I’ve been reluctant to break. The weight affects my day and my outlook, but not in a hugely detrimental way. It more or less keeps me on track. A gain typically motivates me and a loss typically motivates me even more. Seems like a win-win situation, right?

I weighed myself yesterday (Monday) morning and was the exact weight I’d been for the past couple of days. I was fairly upset because I expected to see a minimal loss given my exercise throughout the weekend. Prior to weighing I had been in bed thinking up numerous excuses for coming home after class vs. heading straight to the gym, but the weight changed my mind and boosted my motivation. Weighing myself worked to my advantage even though the scale didn’t reflect what I wanted it to.

I weighed this morning, again expecting a minimal loss, only to find that I am up 0.4. I was pissed. This gain did NOT motivate me. I swore that this is it. No more working out. No more counting calories. I calculate everything that goes into my mouth, I work out when I don’t want to, I try hard! I spent the morning having one hell of a pity party and wondering if any of it is worth the effort. I felt bad about myself and doubted my efforts. I started to wonder if my obsession with weighing myself might actually be unhealthy.

I didn’t go straight to the gym after class as I usually do, but I’m now planning to go tonight. I’m over it. I don’t understand what’s going on and will never understand, but I do know that persistence pays off. I spent 10 weeks fluctuating within a 10 pound range only to have those 10 pounds disappear seemingly overnight. Persistence and consistency made it happen, so I’m having to chant that to myself today.

I haven’t decided whether I should break the weighing habit permanently or not, but I have decided to give it a break for a week. The thought terrifies me, which just confirms this is something that I really need to do.

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