So. 2012.

Not going so well.

I have a fear that this is becoming (or became – a long time ago) my place to bitch/whine/dump my BS – but so be it.

Here goes.
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My (paternal and only) grandmother died yesterday after becoming ill just before Christmas and spending almost 2 weeks in a medically induced coma.

I last saw her when we were in Memphis a few weeks ago and noticed that she didn’t look well, but had no idea she’d so rapidly decline. (Entered the hospital with pneumonia, a blood sugar spike to 540 – the primary concern, and uncontrollable seizures that never stopped.)

I’ve always had a very close relationship with my grandmother. She was a part of every major event of my life – and most of the minutia, too. I spent huge amounts of time at her house growing up. As an adult, I spent countless nights sitting at her kitchen table eating her unquestionably huge southern meals – and then sticking around to drink coffee into the night with my 24/7 coffee drinking insomniac grandfather.

She never really got past the grief associated with my grandfather’s death 6 years ago – something she mentioned almost every single week when I’d call. I sympathized. If I was closer to anyone else in my extended family – it was definitely him.

The family I knew as a child has been forever changed by their deaths, of course. Seems weird and a little unbelievable.

For various reasons, I chose not to be in town/at the hospital when she died – something that was planned since she had been artificially supported since just after entering the hospital.

I have a lifetime of great memories.

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The gastric emptying scan I had showed that my stomach empties too rapidly. At two hours, I had 19% of the food left in my stomach. “Normal” people generally have 30-60% left.

This situation (aka dumping syndrome – meaning food is being very quickly dumped to my small intestine without full digestion) is weird, because it’s mostly associated with gastric bypass surgery or other stomach surgeries – something I haven’t had. The doctor and I both anticipated that the opposite would be my problem – that we’d find my stomach emptying too slowly.

Also – he diagnosed Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

I don’t know.

I don’t have the classic symptoms – but I had already sort of google-diagnosed myself with the same.

Here’s the thing: I’ve had stomach issues my entire life. Stress, nervousness, etc.? Sick. Always.

Lately, though, I haven’t been able to eat just about at all. That 177 weight I posted last week? The beginning of a pretty rapid decline in ability to eat anything but pepto-bismol.

Today?

This is the first time – in my life – that it’s gotten so bad that I’ve actually stopped eating and have lost weight. In case I haven’t driven home this point: I like to eat. I can easily eat to and throughout stomach discomfort.

The doctor asked if I’ve been under new/more stress lately.

HA. HAHAHAHA. Uh, yeah.

He prescribed Elavil – an old-school anti-depressant that is often used for IBS that should also slow down my stomach and help with the rapid emptying.

I called and cried and asked them to work me in to discuss the scan earlier than planned after a particularly painful day, so he’s probably going to think I’m completely nuts – but I’ve decided not to take it. For now.

I want to try to manage the stress better + figure out an eating plan before I resort to a pill that’s just going to mask the pain.

I know this latest flare-up will get better in time. They always do. The emotional swings from the whole genetic testing + grandmother dying + brand new job circumstance I have going on right now won’t last forever.

The upside to all of this is that I’m just over 2 pounds away from officially losing 100 pounds. Yay, I guess – though NOT EATING is not exactly how I wanted to achieve this.

Also, I’ve become pretty accustomed to drinking unsweetened smoothies (nothing beyond fruit, anyway) since liquids have been easier to tolerate – and am finding that I actually really like them.

This morning = carrot juice, blueberries, baby food pears, spinach, a small cucumber and a yellow squash.

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The first week of 2012 went pretty well re: the good health goals despite the stomach BS.

We’re prepared for another week.

And I’m determined to get my shit under control to stop the stomach revolt.