Jon has been traveling for the past two weeks – home just on the weekends – and I just finished up a large project I’ve been working on since last August and have been VERY stressed about … SO …. we woke up on Saturday morning and spontaneously decided to throw our crap in the car and do something fun for the weekend.

We were on the road to Chattanooga – one of my absolute favorite places – by noon on Saturday (and had no groceries at home) … so we stopped and picked up lunch on the way.

I know a lot of people don’t agree with me about this, but the fried chicken + the bleu cheese dressing I added + croutons make this salad definite junk food, in my opinion.

I haven’t been to a drive-thru in a long time. A very long time.

We made it pretty quickly since we’re less than 100 miles away … and dropped the dog off at the hotel before taking our bikes to the riverwalk.

The park areas were packed. There were lots of people riding bikes. And flying kites. And rollerblading. And jogging. It was a BEAUTIFUL day.

I don’t have a way to track it, but I estimate we rode about 10 miles. The hills + people/crowds made me nervous, but it was a LOT of fun.

(I am SO a numbers person and will be buying some way to track the miles from now on. Yes, I’m doing this for fun – but seriously – I’m a numbers/stats person all. the. way.)

(Also? I am totally going to buy a basket and figure out a way to harness the dog in. He would LOVE to be out with us on the bikes. I’ve looked up child helmets, but I think that might be pushing it.)
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We got married in Chattanooga almost 4 years ago. Us + immediate family + some guy I found on the internet who could marry us. Right at this spot. So we stopped.

I am still so thankful I’m married to my best friend.

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We took our bikes back to the hotel after a few hours and then walked to the bus that dropped us off in the vicinity of a bunch of restaurants … so we had dinner.

We split some nachos.

Hung out.

I ordered hazelnut crusted chicken + mashed potatoes + green beans.

Jon ordered shrimp & grits. (After much debate about whether we should split something like we usually do or just go WILD and get our own entreés.)

It got a little cold.

So … we got a dessert sampler thing to go. It got a little jostled on the bus ride back to the hotel, but it was worth it to be able to eat in bed watching stupid movies on tv.

The coffee could have been stupid – but it didn’t keep me awake at all. The sun + bike ride + HUGE meal + sugar knocked me out pretty quickly.

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We went to a diner up the road from our hotel for breakfast this morning. I ordered pecan pancakes and got this:

I very seriously had a “moment.”

One day of junk is ok when FUN is the purpose. A breakfast of junk might’ve been fun – as I had planned/anticipated since we were at a diner and all – had it not been this BS.

I at least want my junk to be SOMEWHAT edible and of highish quality.

I ate it only because I didn’t want to be a complete bitch. And because I was starving.
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We were hoping to ride again – or to at least hang out more – but it rained on us … so we loaded up the car and came home.

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The rest of the day has been minor grocery shopping + DVR watching (finally watched Jamie Oliver’s Food Rev – speechless, but also? I’ve been the person with the freezer full of pizzas … not sure how I feel about it yet. Dramatic, yes – but interesting.).

Jon made chicken chili for late lunch/early dinner.

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I’ve probably gained 5 (temporary) pounds, but I’m fine with that. We both needed a weekend of fun with no worries about how many calories we’ve consumed or about whether we’ve exercised/gone to the gym.

We just needed a complete break. Balance is SO important – for sure – but so is LIVING.
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I’m hoping to make it through the night without puking – my stomach just can’t take the multiple/back-to-back heavy + junk(ish) meals I’ve inflicted on it this weekend and has officially rebelled. Will be resetting my eating in the morning, but damn. Fun weekend.

So, what happens when two people have been cooped up all winter dying to be outside doing something active (other than godforsaken yard work)?

They flip out on the first warm/sunny weekend day of the year and make a big purchase (somewhat) on a whim.
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We’ve had two bikes in the garage that we’ve been talking about “fixing” forever – a “performance” (I have no idea what that means) bike that Jon’s had for 15-20 years that he hasn’t ridden in ages, and a bike that Jon’s mom gave to me (temporarily) a few years ago that I’ve never ridden. We finally took them to a local bike shop yesterday to have them evaluated/tuned up/aired up because it was a gorgeous day and it just seemed like the thing to do.

We were told Jon’s bike is definitely worth repairing/tuning up, but I was told that mine doesn’t fit me.

We left both to be tuned up, but looked at the shop’s new/used ones, too … and they were pretty and I know you get what you pay for and all that … BUT … $1000 for two bikes that might end up in the garage after I’ve broken an arm and/or decided I hate riding, in general, after I’ve tried it? Not happening.

I grew up riding bikes. I rode my bike to school, all over my neighborhood, everywhere. I have not, however, ridden a bike in over 10 years. There is just no way in hell I can justify that kind of cash for something I’m not sure will be worthwhile – and I am a MASTER at justification.

I would’ve happily bought a bike from the shop if they’d had a used one even close to my price range … but we ended up at Target, where we both bought bikes that A) we could afford and B) I can tear up as I learn how to ride – because seriously, I don’t even know how to change gears.

I like mine.

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It was dark by the time we got home with the bikes yesterday, so we had to wait until this morning to ride them. Jon spent a couple hours messing around with them and fixing stuff – then we had to buy the helmets – then I FINALLY practiced in the neighborhood and in a nearby grocery store parking lot.

I was feeling nervous about the cars – and feeling like I might need training wheels – so we loaded them up and went to the greenway.

(So we’re up to helmets + rack + tire pump so far for this new hobby.)

Had to wait for the rain to stop. Yes, we were THAT excited.

We ended up riding just under 5 (very wobbly, for me) miles on the greenway. I was scared – and I rode the brake going down almost all hills – and I just about died when a squirrel ran out in front of us – but it was good practice.
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I have pretty vivid memories of riding my bike to my elementary school – all anxious each day because what if the rack was full and there was nowhere to lock it up and OMG I’d have to go back home and MISS SCHOOL. I remember that the bike riders wore a path in a cotton field that we cut through (and I wonder now if I’ll eventually develop some dreadful disease from all the crop dusting I was exposed to as a result of living/playing right in the middle of two cotton fields). I remember that I had a lock with pink plastic over it for most of my elementary school years. I also remember that I never wore a helmet. Nobody did – as far as I can recall.

I value my brain a little bit more now, but I had no idea what to buy, where to buy it, how it’s supposed to fit, etc., so I googled and bought one and am hoping for the best.

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I’m really glad we decided to do this. Kinda sucked that it was rainy and cold today, but it was SO MUCH FUN – in a terrifying (to me) sort of way.

I’m hoping that this will be really fun way for us to be active together this summer – and hoping that I don’t kill myself.

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I did the jogging thing in the neighborhood yesterday and will admit that it was harder than the treadmill – Jon might not be totally crazy – but I will also admit that I am SO going back to the treadmill this week when I’m doing it alone.

I had a (mostly) free day today, so I spent it cleaning and organizing stuff – some of my favorite things to do.

My house is never so clean as when I have a deadline/due date looming. It’s almost better for stress relief than exercise.
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We recently decided to get rid of a bunch of our books – and to keep only what will fit on 2 bookcases (a very hard/UNPLEASANT thing to do), so I went through some of the stuff today and found a cookbook that I believe Jon’s mom gave to us at some point (maybe to get rid of it?).

It is so totally adorable.

But yeah – published in 1959.

Wonder what cookery for men might be?

I can’t decide which of these best represents my impression of the 1950′s. The recipe good for “meeting” days …

Or the “fried devil dogs.”

It’s definitely a keeper for the desserts (seriously, I LOVE homemade pies/crust – not that I’VE ever made one before – but you never know) … and because it reminds me of my grandmother and all the meals that got me into the weight mess I’m in, but that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

I miss big meals with my family and I miss my grandmother’s food and I miss the time it took to prepare everything and the time it took to put it all away and the TIME, in general, that allowed lots of conversation and connecting. I might eat “better” now, but I eat mostly alone – or in front of the tv/computer, mostly in a hurry and mostly to sustain life. It’s not really the same.

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I ran for TEN straight minutes today. I’m pretty happy about that considering it wasn’t so long ago that 90 seconds of jogging left me feeling like I might puke. Definitely making progress.

I started out planning to repeat the first day of week 5 of the C25K thing (5 min jog, 3 min walk – repeat x 3), but I also started out feeling like interspersing the walking is messing me up. I felt ok at 5 minutes – so I skipped the first 3 min walk and went straight through. I wish I had skipped the second one, too, because I felt like I lost my rhythm or something – and it was SO hard to start again after slowing down.

I think I’m going to try to jog 15 minutes on Saturday without stopping to walk and see how it goes.

(Yes, I know I said I was going to repeat the weeks, then said I wasn’t, and now just did – I really am as wishy-washy about this – and most things related to food and exercise – as I sound. I like to think of it as flexible and open-minded. Sounds nicer, anyway.)

I have no plan to ever run longer than 30 minutes, but I’m liking the challenge of getting there. I’m liking that this is so hard for me. It sucks – but it’s been worth it so far.
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I did the strength stuff, too, after the jogging (which I did on a treadmill – and which I’ve decided Jon has lost his everloving mind about – seems the same to me but I guess we’ll see on Saturday when I’m back to the neighborhood).

I increased the seated rows to 70lbs and the dumbbell step ups to 20lbs each – but I’m still not really feeling challenged enough. I have felt NOTHING after doing this stuff, either. I’m used to some sort of soreness – maybe I should just keep increasing the weight? I don’t know.
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I’m curious to find out what my “official” weight will be tomorrow. I weighed last weekend and had somehow lost 1.5 pounds almost overnight – so we’ll see. I hope I at least maintained THAT.

I haven’t read the entire book yet – mostly because I can’t justify reading “for fun” right now – but I did the first workout from the New Rules of Lifting book today – at the YMCA since we joined yesterday (yay!)

I did barbell squats (35 lbs), push-ups (but did them with my legs/feet on a stability ball), seated rows (60 lbs), step ups (15 lb dumbbells), and I made it through one set of the prone jackknife before quitting (because I was frustrated with my lack of stability/balance – something that’s usually not a problem) and just doing push-ups on the ball. (I don’t think I’m supposed to, but I’m going to practice that jackknife at home each day until I get it right because COME ON. So frustrating.)

Overall – I liked it and am definitely going to continue. I’m used to a much longer/more intense workout, so I was surprised at how quickly it went. Good thing – I’m just used to hour long sessions. I think I need to increase my weight on everything – it wasn’t challenging – but that’s my fault, for sure.

I definitely like that I’m taking control and learning this stuff vs. zoning out as I did with the trainer.
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I’m finally up to week 5 of the C25K thing. I’ve done each week twice now, I think, but I’m hoping to move on doing each just once.

Still sucks.

Apparently I’m supposed to jog 20 straight minutes (2 miles) this week. I don’t know how in the hell I’ll pull it off, but I’m going to give it a shot.
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Today was fairly uneventful outside of the gym.

Breakfast was eggs and bacon.

Lunch was an Amy’s bean burrito and some celery with peanut butter.

Jon made corned beef, cabbage and red potatoes for dinner (which I LOVE – I swear I would eat this every single day).

Tomorrow I’m planning to jog and work and freak out over a due date that’s looming and look for cheap apartments in MI and continue to try not to eat a pint of ice cream. Should be fun.

I know I’ve mentioned a few times that we’ve had some life decisions to make.

They’re made.

Everyone has been told about our plans, so I finally feel fairly safe in bitching about the stress. And ohhhh … am I READY.
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I’ve been accepted into a program at the Univ of Michigan, so I’m moving to Ann Arbor in a few months.

I’ve known (and have been obsessed with this) since January, but there have been a lot of things to work out – Jon’s kids, Jon’s job, money, our house, our LIFE. It’s all (mostly) worked out, though.

I’m going, Jon is mostly going, life will continue here in Knoxville without me until I return.

I feel like I might throw up every time I think about it, but I think it’s going to work.
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So. What does an emotional/stress eater do in times like these?

Freak the fuck out.

Figuring out a way to cope with the stress of a new city where I don’t know a soul, a new school/program, finding a new place to live, etc. should be fun.

This will be the third time in my adult life that I’ve picked up and moved to a new city, but the first time since I decided to stop eating like a maniac and since I stopped smoking – my previously preferred coping mechanisms.

It’s also the first time since I got married, bought a house and established a life somewhere, but hey. Who doesn’t enjoy a challenge?

For now, I’m resorting to mumbling – predominantly: “it will be worth it” – over and over in an effort to keep myself sane.

I fully recognize how lucky I am to have this opportunity, how lucky I am to have such a supportive partner, and how lucky I am, in general, that THIS is what I have to stress about, but I’m not going to lie – I’m scared.
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In other news, I am officially effin’ PISSED that I am still at 189.0. I briefly looked through my archives and found that I hit 189 for the first time back in SEPTEMBER.

I weigh just once a week and am almost never affected by the weight, but I was affected yesterday. It makes absolutely NO sense. Maybe I lowered my calories too harshly? Maybe I’ve made a mistake going back to higher levels of carbs? Maybe my body is just incapable of weighing anything lower? I DON’T KNOW. It’s highly frustrating because I just can’t figure it out. 1500 calories a day + daily exercise should have resulted in something – unless I freaked my body out by eating too little. I knew it was a possibility. It’s my only guess.

NOTHING IS WORKING.
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Jon fed me today.

3 eggs prior to jogging.

He picked up some chopped pork, green beans and turnip greens from a nearby BBQ place for lunch.

Dinner was a chicken cacciatoreish thing. He didn’t use a recipe, but it was chicken, peppers, onions, celery, carrots, mushrooms, garlic, crushed & diced tomatoes, black olives, bacon, red wine, olive oil and some seasonings – over asparagus.

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I fell asleep reading and slept most of the afternoon, so I’ll likely be up all night. Big mistake.

I was invited to a strength class at a gym yesterday – I jumped on that, of course.

Oh. My. GOD.

I have definitely lost some ability throughout the past 2 months of decreased (ok, almost nonexistent) training. I thought my freakin’ legs were going to explode during some lunges, which is pretty rare for me.

I went to my gym with Jon an hour or so after I got home from the class, but felt like I’d lost the ability to properly move my arms and legs … so I just did the bike and read a book – something I can do only if I’m exerting no real effort.

Today I struggled to stand from my chair to walk to the bathroom after about noon AND it was a jogging day.

That was a special kind of hell.
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I picked up The New Rules of Lifting for Women yesterday (after Tess mentioned it), so I started that on the bike last night. I haven’t read much yet, but I like it so far. I definitely agree with the premise that women should be lifting like men, but I haven’t decided yet if I’ll read the nutrition stuff.

I swear I am just OVER reading about nutrition/food. I feel like I don’t want to read one more damn word about what I should be doing. I flipped through the recipes and found that most fall in line with the way we eat, so I don’t know.

I know one thing – I hate recipes. Well, two things. I hate to cook, too. Anything with more than 3 ingredients gets immediate dismissal from me, so I doubt I’ll actually utilize anything I saw. Jon might, but he generally just quickly makes stuff up.

Dinner last night – frozen beef, onions, a container of spinach and garlic thrown together and consumed within 10 – 20 minutes after we got home from the gym.

Dinner tonight – he threw together some sort of stir-fry – chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, a sweet potato, coconut oil, a little soy & fish sauces, some vinegar, curry and red pepper flakes. (YUM! He worries that his dinners will be gross since he just makes them up as he goes, but they never are.)

We (I, mostly) generally just don’t have the time/patience for lengthy recipes or drawn out meals.

Anyway – I’m hopeful the book will lead me in the direction of a regular strength routine but doubtful I will care about the food stuff.
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Have I mentioned that I almost boycotted The Biggest Loser a couple weeks ago or so after one of the men made some offhand remark about having an opportunity to take the lead in the group (since he’s the only man – implying that he’d be the leader SINCE HE’S THE ONLY MAN) … and the show decided to run with that? Yeah. I am not so rational about those kinds of things. I can overlook crazy practices, ridiculous product promotions and high levels of drama, but that comment/implication? Not so much.

I think this probably ties in nicely with my belief that women should be lifting like men – and might mean that my opinion is less bio based and more uhhh … opinionated.
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I’m losing (free) access to my gym in May, so I’m stressing.

We’re working on the work out room in our house, but I’m still not sure how that’s going to turn out – primarily because everything is so effin’ expensive, but also because I question my motivation and my ability to push myself at home … where it’s much more fun to watch tv or read blogs or clean the bathroom or do whatever other excuse I might create.

I waffle between wanting to move toward not needing access to a gym AT ALL and feeling weird/nervous about having nowhere to go.

I am not willing to sign a contract to join a gym, so the YMCA is likely the best solution for us. The nearest location is the downtown location … which doesn’t meet my standards because the parking is a pain in the ass. (My standards are low – just has to be easy to get to/park at/enter.)

We checked out a different location back when I was having a hissyfit of some nature a few months ago, but it sucked. Today, though, I discovered a location that I’d overlooked before (on the website – oh, yes, I am a skimmer), so we toured it tonight after we did the jogging thing – and found that it’s actually very nice/convenient.

I was pretty excited about this gym – so much so that I had to stop and question my sanity – so I think it’s probably the route we’ll go.

So. This morning Jon and I had a little “conversation” about how we’re going to move forward food-wise.

He is not happy that I’m not on board with the primal stuff anymore – and I’m just not willing to go back (right now).

I am in full agreement that it’s a great way to do things, but I can’t see myself sustaining it over the long-haul.

Restriction doesn’t work for me. I quit drinking coke because I started to feel grossed out drinking something so unnatural. I haven’t eaten junky fast food in ages because I recognize that it’s just ridiculous. I quit eating most processed foods because I understand they’re not optimal.

They’re choices based on a changed mindset – NOT restrictions.

I am 100% ok with beans and fruit and corn and sweet potatoes and limited amounts of grains, and I don’t see that changing. I don’t think it’s reasonable to give up all – or even most – carbs/grains forever.

Jon’s issue is my concern with calories and my continued belief in the whole “calories in/calories out” concept. The thing is – that’s WHAT WORKS FOR ME.

(What really works is weight watchers, which is – like calorie counting – admittedly restriction of some sort. Maybe it’s a mind thing since I don’t feel restricted?)

I don’t know how we’re going to resolve this issue. He doesn’t want to count calories or be restricted (re: calories/fat) in any way when he cooks. I don’t want to eat 5,000 calories worth of butter in a given meal.

We started this whole thing together and have approached it all as sort of a team effort. Now? We’re going down different paths and trying to figure out how to make it work – at least until I reach my goal and can back off on weight loss.
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I lost just half a pound last week. I have been tracking my calories and had a week identical to the previous one … just didn’t do as much cardioish exercise.

I’ve been eating approx 1750 calories per day, which was apparently fine if some sort of cardio happened each(ish) day. A busy week with less exercise = 1.5 pound weight loss difference, though.

So … I’m tweaking the calories and dropping it to around 1500 – 1550 regardless of exercise. The actual calculation (for me to lose 2 pounds per week) based on “light” activity is 1495, so I’m thinking this will work. I’ll evaluate again if I’m just starving every day.

I’m not willing to cut it below 1500 because I would become homicidal.
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I’m doing week 4 of the C25K again (and am thinking I’m likely going to do each week twice since I feel no rush to progress rapidly). Still hate it. The only positive it’s got going for it right now is it’s fabulous outside. It was 67 degrees when we jogged around the neighborhood earlier.

I’m going to freakin’ DIE if I don’t start some kind of regular/consistent weight training again ASAP, though. Like, for REAL.
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My breakfast today was typical. Took these yesterday, but I ate the same thing this morning. I’m not a big fan of breakfast variation.

Lunch was a salad with 1 T of some oil/vinegar dressing, a small can of tuna plopped on top, a babybel and an apple.

I ate a snack when I got home from work – about an hour and a half prior to jogging. I usually can’t eat/drink at all before any kind of exercise, but I was starving, so I risked it.

I’m going to give up the Boca/soy. I went back to it because it’s easy – but I’ve paused every time I’ve gotten the box out because of the ingredient list. It’s just not worth it. Also? This snack looks a little too brown, I know.

Jon made dinner tonight – shrimp curry stuff. We had another “conversation” when I discovered that the can of coconut milk alone is 651 (!!!) calories. I drained all the liquid from mine and kept the calories reasonable. It’s shrimp, peppers, onions, mushrooms, etc.

2 months ago I likely would’ve eaten half of the coconut milk (and loved every bit, for sure) … but I just can’t. I’m NOT ready to maintain yet.

I’m at 1405 calories for the day and I’m ok.
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I checked my blood pressure yesterday – 115/76, I think. My resting (sitting in a chair working) HR was 57, though, which I’m happy about. I think it’s very safe to say that’s a pretty radical improvement.

Well, I’m on week 3 or 4 or something of stopping the primal situation and I think I’ve pretty thoroughly let go of any carb/grain hangups that were lingering. Jon has been out of town a lot lately, so I’ve just sort of let myself gravitate back to whatever seems right … and I’ve been happy with that. Given freedom to choose whatever – looks like I choose something completely unlike the path I was forcing myself down. I haven’t added a lot of processed stuff (and won’t) … I’ve just gone back to beans/lentils and eggs as my primary protein sources.

I feel like shit most days, but I’m chalking that up – right now – to stress and to the fact that I haven’t seen the sun in what seems FOREVER. I’ll evaluate the situation again in a few weeks.

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I still haven’t figured out a regular weight/strength training situation – and it’s bothering me. I miss it. I’ve been doing the C25K thing, and I’ve been going to the gym and doing other cardio stuff on machines, but I haven’t been doing any decent weight/strength stuff outside of pilates.

My solution? I moved my desk and all of our office crap into our bedroom and I’m thinking about turning the office into a work out room. I haven’t priced everything yet, so I don’t know how it’s going to work out (meaning it might be a very long term/ongoing thing) … but that’s the plan for now. I’m not going to do the weight stuff at the gym – it’s just not happening. Jon’s on board, but he still refuses to be ok with a treadmill (I am relentless). I believe his statement as we were IMing earlier was “fuck the treadmill.” (Yes, family, I have corrupted him. His language is as bad as mine.) He claims I’ll never be able to keep up with him on the road if I buy a treadmill. I say it’s better than NOTHING.

Anyway.

The nothing part comes in because I don’t like doing this jogging thing alone. I was supposed to do it today – and was going to – but I opted for the stair thing and the bike at the last minute instead. He travels all the dang time … and some weeks I’m ok to do it alone. Others? I need motivation via another person.

Anybody in the Knoxville area reading this? Want to jog slowly/walk quickly with me? I’ll start over with week 1. I promise not to cry/whine. Much.
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I haven’t been so good with the food pictures lately. I have my camera with me a lot – just lazy. I had it with me on the way to the gym today.

It was raining, which sucked.

I found parking. In the highly coveted parking lot near the place. And it was after 5 so I could park in a staff spot.

It’s the little things.

I looked like an idiot with two watches since I was planning to run when I went. I’m too cheap to buy an expensive HR monitor/run tracking/watch combo thing, so this is my solution. A watch to keep up with my time, and a separate HR monitor because I like to monitor that kind of thing as a (mostly pointless, but interesting to me) measure of progress/ability. The HR monitor might keep up with time as it’s telling me my HR – I don’t know. They have different times because I didn’t bother with the daylight savings time change for the HR monitor whenever it last happened.

The stuff I generally take – ipod, water (that I never drink) and wallet (not a purse person). And the camera case.

Jon’s pants and hoodie and a t-shirt I’ve been working out in forever.

Thrilling, huh?

I would say I’m bored, but that’s a lie. This is procrastination at its best.