Fit Together

Well … I got over myself and put on a bunch of (unnecessary) clothes and walked/jogged around my neighborhood with Jon and the dog last night. Turns out it’s a lot harder to dwell on the fact that a dog might kill me when my hips feel like they might snap off.

I did day 1 – AGAIN, for the millionth time – of the C25K plan. So … I jogged for 60 seconds, walked for 90 seconds, repeat. It was actually very easy considering I felt like I was risking my life, it was dark, about 30 degrees, my neighborhood has sidewalks that are uneven, broken in places, with trees and bushes (rudely) covering sections, AND considering I had to walk/jog right down a row of restaurants that smelled like doughnuts.

Physically – it was fine (minus the hip thing, but it was pretty marginal). I have been very careful re: my foot since I injured it, but it’s been better lately. I iced it last night before bed, just in case, but it really felt fine – and still feels fine this morning. Honestly, I’m a little surprised. Even just the tiny bit of jogging I did last night would’ve meant a day of almost immobility 6 months ago.

I’m very tempted to repeat last night again tonight (vs. every other day) or to skip ahead to week 2 or 3 since it was so easy – but I know I need to take the whole thing slowly so I don’t wind up in pain again. Jon is doing the C25K thing with me – and dragging the dog along – because he is sweet, but he runs about 10 miles when he’s alone. I really want to be able to run with him – to keep up. I am SO sick of being restricted to a GD gym. This will be a good thing if I can keep it up.

It completely wore the dog out. He crawled into his bed as soon as we got home and stayed there until it was time to go to our bed for the night. Good thing, too – he drove me CRAZY all day yesterday with his hyperactivity.

I was invited to go to a gym (as a guest) with a friend yesterday, too, so I took advantage of it. We did a pilates class, which I very much needed. It was different than my typical pilates class in that it was sort of dark and soft music was playing and there was a lot of stretching and relaxing. My regular class (taught by my trainer outside of a gym) = louder, fast music and intense, fast sets of things that seem designed to kill me. I leave my regular pilates class sweating and feeling worn out – I left yesterday’s class feeling relaxed and stretched. Different, but really, really good – and what I needed after several days of inactivity.

Eating was typical.

Breakfast was (scrambled in butter) eggs and a little bit of yogurt + strawberries.

(Lunch was subway after the gym/pilates class.)

Dinner was red sauce w/hot italian sauage and an onion – over asparagus.

Today? I’m planning to do one of my trainer’s pilates dvd’s and am also planning to (really fast) walk the route we took last night. I’m still sitting in my pajamas at 11:30am, but it will happen eventually.

I am SO over food right now.

The party #2 went well on Wednesday. We drove home Thursday. We spent Christmas sitting around in our pajamas before going to Chinese + Avatar. Fabulous day/week, for sure.

We brought home tons of leftover food in a cooler even though we practically forced people to take food with them from each dinner party … so Jon’s been trying to re-purpose it all. Tonight he made a soup or stew or something with the leftover turkey, a box of fresh spinach, a couple sweet potatoes, an onion, lentils and some chicken broth. It didn’t look all that appetizing, but it was fabulous, of course.

I also managed to finish off about half a pecan pie – and never want to see another one as long as I live.

I have NEVER been so ready to have my normal life back.

The effing gym isn’t open until January 5, so I’m going to have to do something outside (god forbid, right?) because I am achy and creaky and feeling like my body is revolting from the lack of activity. It’s ridiculous.

Also? I am REALLY cranky when I don’t regularly exercise – coming pretty damn close to hatetheworld crankiness right now. Also ridiculous, but (mostly) (somewhat) NOT MY FAULT.

I need a treadmill. Or a gym that doesn’t close for weeks at a time. Or some motivation to run outside and risk death by huge dog. Or something.

Well, party number 1 was successful – but I think this might be a yoga pants day.

I got a little bit of exercise yesterday prior to the party, but not enough to make a dent in the damage I’m doing, I’m sure. Had to go to my mom’s to walk the dog (the house we’re in isn’t pet friendly) and jogged with him since A) he’d been in a crate for several hours and needed exercise and B) Jon has this game he plays with him where they try to outrun each other. That caused the dog to think I’d be interested in that, too, and prompted him to leap through the air (on his leash) trying to run fast. Felt bad, so I did. In boots.

I waited for my foot to start throbbing, but it never did. I expected to be hobbling this morning, but I’m fine now, too. I’m going to take this as a sign that running should be my not-goal for 2010.

Yesterday’s breakfast was typical – except I added some dry toast because my stomach was rumbling.

I REALLY think, though, that I’m making a mistake eating all of these carbs. I feel it. The low/no carb thing may not be that great for me weight loss wise, but it’s best for my body, for sure.

We didn’t eat lunch. Second day in a row we’ve skipped it – second day in a row I’ve regretted it because I’ve eaten too much when I’ve finally eaten.

All of the pictures I took before/during the party turned out pretty horribly since it was dark and the lighting was bad.

We made a spinach gruyere puff pastry appetizer, except we used swiss instead of gruyere since it was easier to find. It was pretty simple and everyone seemed to like it.

The meat was pork – marinated or covered or whatever in something Jon concocted.

Jon sipped egg nog throughout the day – I have texture issues with it (too thick) and also hate all liquor, so I stuck with water.

Otherwise, we had green bean casserole, squash casserole, yeast rolls, greens, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy and coconut cake.

I gave some of the tins we created.

There was a cute baby. And brothers I haven’t seen in ages. And cousins. And a grandmother. And pictures of me that appeared because I gave the camera to my mom.

Very, very good day. On to round 2.

Yesterday was one of those days that I want to remember. I didn’t do anything spectacularly exciting. I didn’t exercise at all. I ate sporadically … and not overly well.

It wasn’t exactly a day to be proud of health-wise, but it was really, really good.

I woke up (at a hotel since we’d made it to Memphis the night before) to a very familiar scene – Jon reading/working/doing something on his computer.

I got ready and prayed my jeans would fit since I felt like I weighed 500 pounds after eating gingerbread cookies the entire 6 hour drive the day before – and was honestly a little surprised that they zipped. I am having a somewhat hard time distinguishing between psychological weight gain and ACTUAL weight gain – still have this fear that one or two cookies too many will cause some enormous weight gain. I felt actual surprise that I didn’t have to wear my (stretchy) yoga pants. Crazy, I know.

(I’m leaning against the wall. I thought about doing some squats as I did it since I was just killing time – that totally surprised me, too. Didn’t expect random healthier thoughts to ever show up. Usually food/eating is what pops into my mind when I need to kill some time.)

Jon ate fudge for pre-breakfast and tried to push it on me, but I passed it up since I was still feeling pretty happy my pants miraculously zipped.

We met my mom – who is keeping the dog for us while we’re here, but who we can’t actually drive to see because she lives/works on a military base and I forgot my car registration, which YES I know belongs in my car, so we can’t get a base pass, so we have to meet her outside the gate all week to be driven in to the walk the dog, which is a pain in the ass. ANYWAY, we ate breakfast with her at a chain place – some sort of eggs benedict thing with ham on an english muffin, fruit and potatoes.

The rest of the morning/afternoon is a blur of checking in to the house we’ve rented for our parties, massive grocery shopping, cooking/prepping, and hanging out.

My dad called just as Jon was putting dinner in the oven, so we invited them to come hang out with us and have dinner – baked chicken, baked potatoes, steamed spinach, blackeyed peas, and a little bit of the cornbread leftover from the dressing we’d prepared earlier.

(dad and step-mother)

(mom and Jon)

The house we’ve rented is freakin’ adorable. It’s military/gov’t owned somehow, so it’s super cheap. We’ve done this a few times before – rent someone’s house vs. staying in a hotel – typically via HomeAway or VRBO. I definitely recommend it.

Good day. I’m very lucky.

Right now? I’m supposed to be cooking. Instead, I’m finding any way possible to procrastinate.

So, I’m not a very good weight loser. I think I’m supposed to at least pretend that I don’t eat a bunch of junk … but I think it’s pretty well documented that I DO eat a bunch of junk on a limited basis. I think I’m not supposed to push junk on other people … but … not so good at that, either.

We (I) decided that I (we) would take cookies/candy to my family this year – and yesterday was the day to do it.

Jon tried to tell me that it would be an all day event, but I didn’t believe him until 9 last night when I realized we had started the whole shebang at 8AM and I was still going. Seriously. ALL DAY.

We made chocolate/walnut fudge, peppermint bark, gingerbread cookies, apricot and nut cookies w/amaretto icing and cookie dough truffles.

I think this would be a good time to say that I don’t get paid to advertise anything, in general – I’ve never received anything for free, either. I do this solely for fun – take pictures of whatever’s on my mind – nothing else – I’m sure that’s pretty obvious.

We made 10 dozen cookie dough truffles because … we’re crazy? Any guesses how long it takes to make 120 balls of cookie dough and then later dip them all in chocolate?

A LONG fucking time.

I am a huge fan of gingerbread – thick, soft and spicy only – which is exactly how ours turned out. I didn’t get around to icing them until fairly late into the night … which is when I discovered that the initial icing I chose would not dry enough to package these cookies.

Went to get more sugar and switched.

SO GOOD. I wait for gingerbread all year.

It was sometime after that I realized I couldn’t just throw this stuff into the tins and be done with it.

It was pretty late and there was no way in hell I was going BACK to the store, so I improvised and cut the zippers off of some ziplocs and found something to tie it all with.

The apricot and nut cookies turned out ok. Jon likes them a lot – I prefer everything else.

I have no pictures of the fudge because it was late by the time I got around to cutting it and packaging it and I was over it. We doubled that recipe, too, so I think it’s safe to say we’ll be eating fudge for several months.

We had a really good time doing this despite the fact that our kitchen is the size of most people’s bathrooms. And despite the fact that I am a FREAK about things being clean and organized and orderly. I think I swept the kitchen about 5 times yesterday.

We’re on our way to Memphis today. SO excited to see everyone and force them to eat my junk.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my progress today … or lack thereof.

I started 2008 at 272.
I started 2009 at 216.
Realistically, I’ll be starting 2010 pretty close to 190.

So I lost 56 pounds the first year … and just 26 the second.

I WANT TO SET SOME GOALS when I think about it too much. But I can’t. It just doesn’t work.

I’m not prepared for it to take a whole complete additional YEAR to make it to my 170 goal, but I think I’ll be ok if it does. I am SO ready to be done, but yet not – this is not the final stopping place.

I’m not dwelling on it too much right now, though – just a little since a new year is rapidly approaching – because I am ridiculously excited about the holidays!

Jon and I are hosting two dinner parties this year – several hundred miles from our current home. We’d typically just go to dinners or parties given by my mom and dad/grandmother while in town, but my mom doesn’t have a house there anymore since (partially) relocating to Key West – and our schedule is strange since we have to be home on Christmas and will miss my dad/grandmother’s thing – so we’ve rented a place and have invited everyone to come to us. (Long/confusing enough sentence?)

We’ve got lists of stuff to cook, stuff to pack, stuff to make at home ahead of time, stuff we can’t forget, etc. – and I CAN’T effing WAIT.

Jon’s doing most of the cooking, of course, but we created menus that are similar/easy enough that we should be able to pull off two dinners in two days with minimal stress. Honestly – I feel no stress – I’m just excited to see everyone and am feeling very fortunate we’re able to do this. I’m thinking we can always order pizza if a cooking catastrophe happens, right?

My last session with the trainer and my last pilates class for the year are both happening today since we have so much upcoming traveling craziness. I’m really not feeling like I’m going to dwell on exercise or the lack of exercise or on the food I’m inevitably going to eat or on the few extra pounds I’m inevitably going to gain while we’re away. I’m thinking I’m going to take it day by day, meal by meal and just BE. A couple of larger than normal holiday dinners aren’t going to make a true difference and I know that. They might contribute to it taking another YEAR to lose 20 pounds, but I won’t wind up back at 272 and I know that, too.

Jon is home and I discovered today that I weigh less than him for the first time EVER.

We’ve had this competition of sorts going since we started this almost two years (!) ago – one that I’ve ALWAYS lost because I’ve never been able to make it lower than him.

I know it won’t last past tomorrow given my propensity to gain if I even look at food … and given his ability to go for a run and lose 10 pounds in a day, but I did it once – finally!

We’ve been very lazy today. Jon’s tired, of course, and I’m perfectly happy to sit around doing nothing with him. We were up at 5:30AM (crazy, I know), so we went out to breakfast very early – cracker barrel. I ate eggs and bacon and biscuits.

We picked up stuff for homemade nachos for lunch at some point mid-day – chips, pepperjack cheese, olives, jalapeños, homemade guacamole, fage yogurt, tomatoes and lettuce.

We didn’t eat dinner because the breakfast and nachos were heavy and we were going to a party where I knew there would be food (if needed). I was feeling bloated and fat and just uncomfortable all afternoon/night due to the junk and didn’t plan to eat anything at the party, but I did. Mostly the sweet stuff – some homemade tiramisu, one meatball, a couple chips with a dip and most of a cupcake.

Our (very easy) contribution to the party:

Jon brought some food – well, actually all liquid, now that I think about it – stuff home from Brazil:

(Yes, DISGUSTING. I had to spit it back in the glass. He seems to really like it. Freak.)

Jon travels a lot – around 50% of the time – life doesn’t end. This trip was LONG, though. I’m good with a few days, can handle a full week – anything longer? I get antsy. I realized today as I heard him whistling Christmas songs in the shower that I miss so much when he’s gone. I’m incredibly happy he’s home.

I think I’m finally coming out of this crazy illness that I’ve had going on.

I’ve been feeling pretty run down and tired and unable to get out of bed, for the most part. I AM getting out of bed sometimes, just not really wanting to because my stomach is typically killing me.

My chin is healing. It turned green and yellow and caused a few people to laugh about how it’s a good thing Jon’s in Brazil (which I vehemently disagree with. I WANT HIM HOME NOW). It wasn’t too big a deal, though – and it’s mostly (visibly) healed/gone now.

I had a session with the trainer on Tuesday, but I came home and went right back to bed – yeah, I have never canceled. Today? I worked until 11 and then bailed and came home and went to back to sleep.

I HATE being sick. I’m a whiny baby, for sure.

My goal for tomorrow = work all day, trainer, pilates later tomorrow night and food other than ginger snaps and ginger ale.

I weighed yesterday (Friday) and recorded an “official weight.” 188.5. Counting WW points has been extremely helpful, obviously.

I’ve broken past 190 before – briefly – I’m REALLY hoping to not go back up this time.

I wasn’t TOO excited about it yesterday – and am actually surprised that I even remembered that I wanted to do a Friday weight again – because I had a really bad night on Thursday/bad morning yesterday.

I went to bed feeling great. I woke up sometime around 2 with a stomachache, though, and passed out at some point on the way to the bathroom? kitchen? I’m not really sure why I was out of bed. I woke up on the (hardwood, no rug!) floor, but didn’t really realize that I’d passed out until the next morning because I was VERY groggy and out-of-it.

My chin took the brunt of it.

I felt horrible yesterday. Seriously jacked up my jaw, of course. Have a few cuts on my hand … and some random bruises on my shoulder, a knee and one of my hands.

I have no idea why I passed out. I went to the doctor yesterday – nothing’s broken – just hurts. I can chew today, so whatever – it’ll be fine.

My head is still killing me, though.

I was pretty freaked out since I was home alone and had all sorts of visions of passing out in the bathroom and drowning in the toilet or something … so I called my mom and cried and she got in her car and drove out here. She was planning to come spend the weekend with me, anyway – just didn’t plan for me to be a sick whiny baby the whole time.

The dog’s very happy she’s here, too.

I exercised a total of three hours on Thursday – about an hour of (lowish level) cardio at the gym that morning, about an hour of pilates that night, and an hour of weight stuff with the trainer. All different things – and all broken up. I know 3 hours is probably too much for one day, but it just worked out that way since I had a random day off – and I felt great that day/night before bed. I don’t think this contributed to the passing out since that happened many hours later, but I wonder?

I think my blood pressure was likely low – it’s generally low at any given time – so I’m thinking I must’ve jumped out of bed too quickly.

Who knows? I’m going to be careful working out for the next few days, though.

We’re hanging out this weekend – maybe a little shopping – but that’s it. Primarily because I still feel kinda crappy, somewhat because it’s just a good weekend to sit around watching movies.

I think my roses have had it.

I’m here to say three things.

(1) I left school today and drove to Target with plans to pick up an electric blanket – because it’s suddenly FREEZING here and I can’t take it. Instead, I spent quite a bit of time walking up and down the candy/chocolate aisle looking at my options and trying to decide if I wanted one butterfinger – or a whole bag of small ones. Or if I wanted the caramel filled Lindt’s – or the peanut butter. Or all.

Surprisingly, I told myself the entire time that I was hungry and tired, not in the life-threatening situation that required chocolate that I’d convinced myself I was in … and I left with none of it.

Although it’s obviously diminishing, I sometimes wonder if this sort of this will go away – this obsessive need to use food to make myself feel better? happy? nothing? I have control and I’m aware. It’s just irritating.

(2) I’ve apparently LOST weight since I weighed before Thanksgiving. Not much – currently 190 vs. 192ish – but I did no (weight) damage with the heavier meals.

(3) I. AM. SO. JEALOUS. And SO STUPID for CHOOSING to stay home.

His facebook caption: Drinking a coconut water after a 40 minute run in Ribeirao Preto. Nature’s gatorade. Just punch a hole in the coconut and pop in a straw. Yum!

I miss him.