Today has NOT been my day.

First, I had to wake up – something I did NOT want to do.
Next, my camera wouldn’t work when I tried to take pictures of my breakfast – the expensive camera I don’t really know how to use.
Then, I left my lunch at home – didn’t realize it until I made it to work.

There’s nothing I can do about the getting up part. The camera? Who knows? I don’t know when I’ll have time to deal with it. It’s likely user error. Lunch? Again, who knows? I was so wrapped up trying to remember everything ELSE, I just completely forgot.

I ate just two scrambled eggs this morning, and brought a banana for the ride to work … so … not quite the most filling breakfast. Had no time to leave work to get something for lunch, so a trip to the vending machine was necessary around 3PM when I started feeling light-headed and ready to kill everyone around me.

I haven’t checked out a vending machine in ages – a couple of years, at least. I wasn’t overly surprised to find nothing but junk, but I was a little surprised that I found just ONE thing I could eat – peanuts – and just ONE tiny pack, at that.

I ate them and then had to eat something else an hour later because I was about to die, so I bought some crackers with cheddar cheese.

My complaints: the peanuts were too oily and the crackers were so salty I could barely tolerate them. Also? The crackers had about million ingredients – one of them being peanuts. Not in the “might contain” category … part of the actual ingredient list. Strange.

I’m going to have to put a post-it note on my front door reminding me to take my lunch. Don’t want to make this mistake again.

One thing I want to know – how does a person buy OREOS from a vending machine and then forget them? I stuck my hand in to grab my crackers and pulled out a pack of cookies, too. I can pretty much guarantee I would never forget my lunch if it contained cookies.

(I put them back.)

I ate my forgotten lunch for dinner – a salad, an apple, a few pistachios and maybe half a leftover pork chop.

I’m planning to have yogurt and fruit later, but my calories are still low for the day. Protein is low, carbs are high. Not a good food day. I was starving all day, came home and lost my appetite – or the (approx) 3 oz of pork chop did the trick? Doubt it.

Ok, I’m sick. Anybody surprised? I guess I have to check shrimp & grits off the list of acceptable meals.

I started feeling sick lateish last night (when I ate my leftover food) and had to take some pepto pills. Then I woke up suddenly at 4AM feeling sick again … and woke up my (sweet and patient and accommodating) husband, who brought me some MORE pepto pills while I laid there and whined and hoped I wouldn’t puke.

My body just REVOLTS when I eat anything out of the ordinary. I’ve tried, but I can’t isolate the issue. The first time I was this sick I had eaten Mexican food (so … chips and rice and greasy stuff and salsa, etc.). The second time I had eaten coconut shrimp that Jon made. This time? All that stuff yesterday.

The only constant is the frying of the food – each time I’ve eaten SOMETHING fried. I can’t even isolate an oil, though. 2 of the meals are questionable (likely vegetable oil for each), one = coconut oil.

Who knows? All I know is I eat “normal” stuff and feel fabulous – I eat anything else and I wind up sick.

I woke up feeling ok this morning, so I ate scrambled eggs and fruit (peach, strawberries and banana combo). It’s 3PM and I haven’t had lunch, so I’m doubting it’s going to happen – maybe pizza, if Jon brings one home and I feel like risking it. I’m feeling well enough that I’m still on board for the dinner Jon and I are planning to go to (alone) tonight, too – our favorite Indian place. We haven’t been in a really long time … since we gave up rice and all that … so I’m pretty excited.

This birthday situation is really working out for me.

I’m contemplating buying some sort of workout equipment (likely a bike even though the stair stepper thing is my favorite because (a) the stair thing kills my foot and (b) it’s insanely expensive). Jon is completely opposed to it, but I think it’s a really good idea.

His argument:
(1) it would be a poor investment because it likely wouldn’t be used often
(2) our house is small – it would take up too much space
(3) we have a neighborhood with sidewalks – perfect for running/walking
(4) a real bike is better
(5) could get just as much exercise doing jumping jacks, squats, jump rope, etc.
(6) we have access to a (really nice) gym for (sort-of) free

My argument:
(1) it would be a good investment because I would use it every day
(2) our house isn’t THAT small – we rarely use the dining room table, anyway
(3) I can’t run yet (foot issue) and I’m not walking in the neighborhood in the dark – the only time I seem to have to do cardio
(4) I haven’t ridden a real bike in 10 years
(5) I do jumping jacks, squats, etc. with the trainer
(6) I am not ALWAYS going to be paying tuition that gives me access to the “free” gym
(7) Said gym is inconvenient given my current schedule/routine
(8) Said gym is not always open when I want to workout (before noon on Sunday, for example)
(9) it would be convenient

I think it’s a really good idea. Jon, unfortunately just does NOT. I need a better argument.

In other news, we’ve decided to start an 8 week junk/beer fast – tomorrow, obviously. We’re pretty good about 80-90% of the time, but weekends kind of go to hell. We discussed it and committed to each other and all that – from now until Thanksgiving. Bare minimum, I’m going to track calories. Life is crazy right now and has the potential to get crazier, which makes it easier to lose focus – something neither of us wants.

I think my focus would be a lot clearer if I had a BIKE in my HOUSE.

We’ve had a house full of people since last night. Lots of fun.

Jon’s mom came into town and brought a cake … which we ate at 10PM.

I love it that Jon’s birthday = cake for me, too.

We’ve had a fun day. Jon made eggs and bacon for everyone this morning. His mom took us all to lunch, which I think is going to have to be it for the day. I ate well. Too much.

I had a little bit of bread.

And a little bit of all the appetizers we shared – almond crusted shrimp w/sesame noodles and a fried green tomato w/stone ground cheese grits and gravy.

The best part? Shrimp & Grits. One of my favorite meals OF ALL TIME. Jon’s is best, but this place (a local chain) does a good job.

We all had dessert (even though we still have cake). Jon and I split something – chocolate lasagna – chocolate cake with mascarpone cheese between the layers … with caramel and some sort of white chocolate sauce on top. The menu says it has honey and butterscotch liqueur, so I guess that was part of it, too. That thing was effing delicious.

I haven’t had a meal that rich and heavy – and NOT shared with Jon – in a long time. As always, I felt drunk after eating everything. I brought some home for the first time EVER – maybe my stomach has shrunk? Or maybe my brain is semi-fixed and I’ve come to realize that I don’t have to eat everything at one time?

It’s been raining all day and we’ve had TONS of TV shows to catch up on since Jon was out of town all last week – perfect day for it all. It’s been fun.

The list this season: The Office, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock (soon!), Two and a Half Men, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Glee, Dollhouse, Family Guy, American Dad, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Hung, Saturday Night Live (soon!), Jon Stewart and Colbert (always), Hoarders (have to watch that one alone), The Biggest Loser (also have to watch that one alone), Jon watches Dexter and Weeds (whenever they’re on), (I’m waiting for) The United States of Tara and Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Kathy Griffin, and we’re planning to try The Cleveland Show.

I wonder what all of that says about me? Doesn’t seem like we spend much time watching it all … maybe an hour a night? Regardless, I’m SO happy it’s all back.

Maybe I’ll exercise again sometime this year.

I made it below 1 freakin’ 92. FINALLY.

I don’t know why my body does this – stays the same repeatedly and then drops several pounds suddenly. I swear the past few weeks have been pissing me off.

Shitty (quick so the scale wouldn’t register the camera) picture, but I have proof!

I started to talk about my groceries in the comments, but then realized I was rambling on and on … so here it is:

I very rarely grocery shop – Jon almost always takes care of it. As a matter of fact, he tried to talk to me recently about what to buy and I actually said, “I really want nothing to do with this.” So. Not my thing. I love to GO to the grocery store and look and buy fun things and I always go with him … I love food. I just don’t do meal planning. Likely because I don’t cook.

That said, there are several things that we always have on hand and that we buy every single week:

large containers of yogurt for me, homemade for Jon
eggs
butter
strawberries
blueberries
any other seasonal fruit (right now we have peaches, apples, bananas, and oranges on hand in addition to the strawberries and blueberries)
walnuts or almonds or pistachios or (most likely) all three
large containers of salad stuff and spinach
tomatoes
carrots
a cucumber
cheese of some kind (right now we have babybels, feta and parm)
coffee
peppers (all kinds)
onions (red and yellow)
applesauce

Other than that, Jon plans out our meals for the week – or a couple days or whatever – and he buys whatever he needs. We really don’t buy much other than meat and specific vegetables (kale, squash, etc) for each night.

We eat the same stuff pretty consistently. I definitely eat the same stuff every time Jon’s out of town – mostly scrambled eggs multiple times a day. Or nothing. I really hate cooking.

I really don’t ever stop to think about it, but we eat just about nothing that’s been processed except cheese and yogurt and oil. And except meals we don’t make at home, of course.

I’m pretty happy with our eating habits.

Breakfast (only picture I took today):

83 pounds down, so I guess I’m doing something ok.

I have two things to whine about and one thing to bitch about.

Whine #1 – I’m experiencing pure hell right now. Well … I alternate between thinking my life is fabulous and thinking it’s gone straight to hell on any given day – check back tomorrow and I might feel differently. The problem? I have so many different things pulling me in so many different directions – it’s ridiculously overwhelming. I have so many things to do, in fact, that I have ZERO business taking the time to complain about it.

Whine #2 – I’ve been weighing myself every day and I weigh the SAME THING each and every day. 192.0. Every day. I started this crap because Jon suggested that I average my weight instead of getting pissed once a week. Now? I’m pissed EVERY DAY.

I’ve already forgotten what I was going to bitch about – Did I mention my life is going to straight to hell because I have too many things to do/think about?

Anyway.

This new eating behavior I’ve practiced and reinforced and implemented over the past year or so is apparently serious business. I had a couple days this week with nothing decent to eat or pack (lack of time to grocery shop) and I thought I was going to have a breakdown. I am 100% unwilling to cave – unless it’s planned and appropriate (defined by me) like the weekend stuff – so I didn’t. I know I’m a crazy creature of habit, but I honestly felt surprised at how extremely antsy I was over a lack of fruit and eggs. I’ve spent so much time learning to be prepared food-wise that I was a little freaked when I wasn’t.

Kinda weird.

I went to the grocery store and fixed it, so today was ok. Breakfast was yogurt/fruit/walnuts – had no time for anything else. Took it with me in the car.

I packed my lunch at some crazy early time – have I mentioned that I HATE that it’s dark all the damn time now? If not, I HATE IT. I packed a salad that = spinach, feta, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots. I didn’t use a dressing/oil of any kind since the feta is so strong.

And I cut up an apple.

And I took the sausage/pepper leftovers from last night.

I came home from work, rushed around – unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, did some laundry, swept the kitchen and cooked dinner at the same time – all so I could rush to a writing workshop. A writing workshop where I’m sure I’d get SCREAMED AT for my …. all the …. time … and my USE of capitalization and weirdness and otherwise blatant disregard for proper grammar. (I am usually a freak about writing rules – except here, obviously. Have to have somewhere to rebel, I guess?)

I rushed to get there, got there, walked about 2 minutes from my car and promptly decided to f it and went back home. The problem? It was POURING. My jeans were soaked up to my knees, everything in my backpack was getting soaked – and I had an umbrella. It just wasn’t worth it. I was tired, tired of feeling rushed, not motivated and just generally feeling like I couldn’t take one more second of bullshit. Spending two hours sitting around in wet clothes and shoes discussing some writing guidelines? Not happening.

Anyway. Dinner was easy – a salad w/turkey (cooked with cayenne, red pepper flakes, peppers and red onion), some pepperjack cheese, 1/2 an avocado and tomatoes.

I’m hungry again (3 hours later), but I’m not eating a damn thing. I’ve had enough today. I am DETERMINED to end this plateau BS. I worked out with the trainer yesterday and will again Friday – will have pilates tomorrow night. It’s the food. And the lack of cardio. Something has to change/happen – SOON.

All my eating yesterday was fun, but I woke up absolutely starving this morning. So hungry I was feeling sick. That almost never happens these days … only when I eat a bunch of junk that does nothing for me but make me happy. Not discounting that – I just recognize that it does nothing good for my body.

Jon made a quick breakfast – some sausage and a couple fried eggs.

Lunch was picked up from a BBQ place – Fats BBQ – near us. We ordered a pound of chopped chicken, a pound of chopped pork, green beans and potato salad (for all of us).

Jon is of the opinion that we shouldn’t be eating potatoes or green beans – I’m still not 100% sure about that, but I marginally understand the reasoning. It’s going to be December or after before I have time to really read or think about it much … so … I don’t know. I’m doing good if I’m not eating ice cream every day at this point in my (STRESSED) life. Not sure I’m ready to tackle green freakin’ beans.

Jon cooked dinner, which was FABULOUS. He decided to make beef bourguignon after we saw Julie & Julia last weekend, but it’s time consuming … so it didn’t happen until today.

It deserves a better picture, but this is all I’ve got. Such a dreary weekend – almost zero natural light.

I was going to take more pictures of the process, etc., but I was busy. It was definitely worth the effort.

(Well, for me, anyway, since I put forth no effort.)

VERY good.

Another article re: the “Smart Choices” program, this time at Forbes.

Smart Choices, which is now administered by the American Society for Nutrition and NSF International (a nonprofit public health organization), has approved approximately 800 products, including Kid Cuisine’s Magical Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza, Healthy Choice’s Philly Cheese Steak Panini and Slim Fast’s Rich Chocolate Royale Shake. (The pizza meal contains 23% of one’s recommended daily saturated fat intake, not to mention dozens of ingredients.)

Interesting.

I’m cranky and tired tonight.

I just realized – looking at my pictures – that I’ve had almost nothing green today. Strange.

I started a post this morning about how I’m so GD sick of counting/weighing/keeping food journals … and about how I should not have weighed yesterday … and about how I’ve been bouncing around in the low 190′s for well over a month now … and about how it’s DRIVING ME CRAZY.

Then … the rest of the day happened. There is a reason I’m just maintaining right now. That reason = days like today (even only one or two a month) + virtually zero cardio. I’m bringing it on myself.

It pisses me off because I KNOW I eat really well over 80% of the time … but whatever. I’m going to have to work harder to find the right balance to get myself off this plateau.

Today = not such a great example of what to do to work towards that.

Breakfast was good. Jon made bacon and eggs – the bacon being perfectly crisp and almost burnt.

We took kids to the fair today, so lunch happened there.

Jon and I stopped at a booth set up by a local restaurant – Philippine Connection – and split some chicken fried rice, but had our own egg rolls (we ordered something else, but this is what we were given … so we took it).

I was hungry a couple hours later, so we split a gyro. I was very tempted to eat a corn dog until I found out the small ones were $6. There’s just no way in hell I will ever pay $6 for a fried (questionable) hot dog. The gyro was a much better choice.

THEN … we stopped for ice cream after leaving the fair – killing time on the way to the HoLa Festival.

I wasn’t planning to eat another dang thing … but … uhhh … not sure what I was thinking. I wish I hadn’t eaten anything at all earlier and had just eaten something from every booth at the festival.

I ended up sharing some tamales with Jon.

THEN … I saw the most beautiful cake I’ve ever seen. I was drawn in by the messiness of the layers that contrasted completely with these white fluffy puffs that were all over the top. I brought a piece home with me since I’d just had ice cream not even 2 hours earlier … but it lasted 10 minutes once we got home. Oh. My. GOD.

The picture does it zero justice. Like I said – I brought it home with me, carried it through the rain, smashed it, etc. They had the italian meringue looking like perfect (huge) hershey’s kisses on top – didn’t last once I got it.

The man told me it’s one of the most common desserts in Argentina. Here’s a link to a recipe I found via a random google search: Rogel de Dulce de Leche

I might be willing to learn how to make it despite how dangerous that could be.

I am NOT eating anything else today.

It was all worth it. We had a fun day. I don’t feel stuffed, but I definitely feel as if I’ve had enough sugar. Splitting everything helps us stay on track somewhat, so I don’t overly worry.

I’m not a huge fan of fairs – the standing around we did while the kids rode rides was interesting in a people-watching way, I suppose. The HoLa festival, though, was lots of fun. We’ll definitely be doing that again next year. And I won’t eat before I go. And I’ll have a camera better than my damn blackberry.

I did something very stupid last night.

I got home from work – tired – house a mess – dishes needing to be done – decreed that we’d be going to the nearby Mexican place for dinner.

I do this once a week (at least) and I swear I regret it every time. I actually said – as a chip holding that unknown spicy green stuff was entering my mouth – “I’m SO going to regret this tomorrow.”

I woke up this morning at 4:40AM because our house alarm went off. It went off, the dog flew off the bed in a rage, and I almost FELL OFF the bed with him in response. It was about that time I discovered I was sick. Very sick. Should-be-capitalized sick. I took a pepto-bismol pill and moaned and groaned and had to stay in one position to prevent puking, but I went back to sleep and slept until 7:30AM.

I apparently just can’t eat greasy stuff at all. The last time I was this sick – just last week – it was prompted by fried shrimp (I think). Jon fried with coconut oil, but it was oily nonetheless.

Also? The food just about put me in a coma last night. I sat at the table and actually had a hard time following what Jon was saying because I felt drunk. From the food! I just can’t do it. My body is highly resistant now – to the point that I’m miserable afterward.

Lesson learned.

(Hopefully. I do love the Mexican food.)

I had no breakfast since I was feeling so horrible. I had classes to go to and I didn’t want to push my luck. I DO NOT throw up in public.

I didn’t pack my lunch because I was feeling whiny and sick, but I started to feel hungry around lunchtime – so I picked up a salad at quiznos. I ate about 3/4 of it before my stomach started hurting again.

Jon made chili for dinner tonight. You might wonder why someone who just spent the day feeling sick would choose to eat chili with jalapeños on top – I’m wondering the same thing.

Surprisingly – no issues. So far.

Either way it turns out, it was damn good. He used yellow and orange peppers, an onion, tomatoes, black, kidney and pinto beans, garlic, black olives, a lb of turkey and some spices … it was very chunky. We added some pepperjack and cheddar … and sour cream … and jalapeños to the top.

This is what almost knocked me out of bed this morning. 16 pounds. Notice the ears back – the way he’s leaning away from me? As if I’M the crazy one?

Oh. My. GOD. I am so tired.

I woke up around 5AM, actually forced myself out of bed around 5:30AM and was in my car by 5:45AM. I had my session with the trainer, came home, showered/dressed and then headed straight to school. Spent the day occupied by school, had a meeting after the classes, came home just long enough to change and then headed straight back out. Finally home for good at 7:45PM.

It would’ve been SO easy for me to blow off pilates tonight. Jon was at a kid function, I was tired and I came home to discover A) both of our mat’s were in Jon’s car and B) I had no cash. I NEEDED that class, though, so I decided to suffer without a mat (though didn’t have to since my sweet trainer/pilates instructor gave me her mat) … and I paid for the class with change. Yes, change. I needed it that badly.

I know the people in the class think I’m a total bitch, but I just love that I can go and ignore everyone and can stop thinking and can just process the day … and wear my body out to match my mind.

Breakfast this morning was typical, but slightly different – yogurt/blueberries/banana and egg salad. I intended to eat the egg as it was (plain), but I felt tired of plain eggs.

Lunch was a salad – spinach, red onion, feta cheese, cucumber, chicken, walnuts.

And a peach.

And pistachios.

I was too tired to deal with dinner. I was craving carbs (very specifically, I wanted cereal with very cold milk) … so I knew stopping somewhere would be a bad idea … so … I ate just an orange and some olives.

I feel like right now would be a good time to have ice cream. I can’t think of anything more perfect. Not the day for that, but damn. It should be.

I will sleep well tonight.

Well, I’m not dead – but I didn’t do any cardio, either. I had come home from work, taken my clothes off and was standing in my bedroom putting on my pajama pants and t-shirt (typical after work/school attire, fyi – all about comfort over here – I keep a bra on if I’m feeling fancy) before it dawned on me that I’d made a commitment to go to the gym. There was absolutely no way in hell I was going to stop the pajama pants and get back in my car and go to the gym … so I didn’t.

I had a decent day – I am just SO far out of the cardio loop that I’m having trouble finding my way back. I love it. ONCE I’VE DONE IT. Getting there? Bit of a problem.

All of my meals are happening (or at least being prepared) in the dark lately, so I’m going to have to figure out how to take better pictures. The dark pictures drive me crazy … haven’t taken the time to learn anything, though.

Breakfast was yogurt/fruit with some unsweetened coconut flakes on top and a 2 fried eggs.

Lunch was a salad that consisted of spinach, walnuts, red onion, feta cheese, some chicken and about a T of oil drizzled on top. I have weaned myself from dressings to the point that a T of plain oil is almost too much. I hardly believe I used to drown salads with ranch or blue cheese dressings – can’t even imagine that now. I cut up an apple and added some almond butter, too.

Had a snack when I got home. Less than an ounce of some cheese that was on sale at the grocery store yesterday – and out as a sample. We are suckers.

I made dinner tonight since Jon slept in this morning and went to crossfit after work vs. before work. Smoked sausage and sauerkraut. Really can’t get much easier than that.

It’s a shame it’s so ugly.

I’m a sucker for cute food/drink things, too … saw this tea thing and had to buy it, of course. Tried it out last night and again today – LOVE it. I drink tea almost daily during the winter (in addition to my daily coffee) and am a little bit of a freak about it. I like it plain and strong – just like coffee. No sugar, nothing added. I counted last night – 7 boxes of different versions of green tea waiting on me in the cabinet … plus some ginger tea and some generic “breakfast” teas, etc. I rarely drink it during the summer – but I’ve been known to believe that green tea is just as miraculous as pepto-bismol.

Anyway. This cup is microwaveable (up to 3 minutes says the package), has a lid and has a little drop down thing that holds the loose (or bagged) tea. This is PERFECT for me – a person who spills just about everything I touch and burns myself each and every day.

The little drop down thing flips up and hides under the lid.

I swear this is the best sippy cup for adults I’ve ever seen. I’m liking it so far.

Tomorrow? Trainer, school, pilates. Should be a good day.