Fit Together

I think I’m totally screwing myself up re: sleep. I woke up at 4:30 this morning and very easily could’ve started my day then. Instead, I stayed in bed and made myself go back to sleep (even though Jon got up at 4:45) and slept until 6, when I woke up again. Made myself go BACK to sleep and then finally woke up at 7 feeling groggy and cranky. My body was ready to wake up 4:30, for sure, since I fell asleep so early last night – and probably would’ve been fine with 6. There’s nothing wrong with this – especially since Jon and I are on the same sleep schedule (with me needing slightly more – almost always 8 hours) – but damn. I would like to be able to stay up past 9:30 once in a while. Isn’t going to happen if I’m waking up at 4-freakin’-30 every morning.

I ate some leftover corned beef for breakfast this morning with yogurt/fruit. I’m pretty disappointed with the walnuts I added to the yogurt. Just bought them on Saturday at the food co-op near us, but it’s apparent they are just … old. I bought a new bag elsewhere today because I just can’t take old and stale. I love walnuts too much to deal with that.

I had a salad for lunch, and decided to take the lazy route with the sausage I added to it (spinach and garlic chicken sausage this time). Apparently microwaving isn’t the way to go with these. Turned out to look … uhh … not quite so appetizing – AT ALL. I ate it anyway. Tasted fine – maybe a little chewier than normal.

I ate a snack before pilates tonight.

And then another.

And then we had to stop at the store on the way home from pilates to pick up milk (to make yogurt) … so I ate a few squares of this on the way home.

Jon cooked dinner (finally!) when we got home: lightly steamed squash, zucchini and spinach with salmon.

I’m at 1,889 calories, 115g fat, 127g carbs and 105g protein. The carbs are too high – primarily because of the cherries and the orange – but I’m ok with it. Could be worse.

I’m craving popcorn – strange, I know. I’m not sure what happened to my ice cream cravings, but they seem to be gone (for now). Right now? Just popcorn.

Most all of my cravings seem to be gone, actually. Today’s the first day I’ve had a true craving of any kind – and it’s not even that strong – more a faint desire to just eat. My hunger is different in some strange way, too. No more frantic meals because I’m STARVING, no more grumpiness when it’s been a while since I’ve eaten … it’s just all gone and appears to not be coming back (although I’m still not 100% sure it won’t, of course – could be a fluke). Very strange, anyway. I’m really liking the way I feel lately. Jumping off the carb/grain train has been a good thing for me. I feel balanced and calm about eating for the first time – ever.

I had an early morning appointment with the trainer, so I ate something quick on the way. I can’t eat much before working out, so this was just about perfect.

I went to the gym to do some cardio afterward and ended up putting breakfast off until 11AM.

I have no idea what I’m going to do when blueberries and raspberries are out of season again. I’m already worried. Seriously.

I ended up eating lunch around 3:30PM since I had breakfast so late. I didn’t want to eat much since I knew Jon would be cooking dinner when he got home, so I ate a smaller salad. I added a few of these little jalapeno cheddar chicken sausages despite using the sweetish rosemary lemon dressing because I just love them. Kinda weird, but it worked.

Had a small snack while Jon cooked dinner.

The dinner he cooked was SO good. Little spicy, but not overly so. I missed having rice a little, but the world didn’t end without it. It was a quick meal to cook – maybe 20 or 25 minutes?

The basil came from our garden – apparently I didn’t completely kill it when I smashed it last week!

I’m at 1,903 calories, 132g fat, 90g carbs and 106g protein and I’m done. Ready for bed, too. I used to think life was a tragedy when I was forced to go to bed before the sun was down when I was a kid. Yeah … not so much anymore.

I’m starting to think the podiatrist I went to is crazy. He says plantar fasciitis won’t result in knee or hip pain (d/t overcompensation), but I swear I’m ready to be done with the whole leg. How much effin’ rest am I supposed to be giving the damn thing? Apparently I can NEVER WALK AGAIN.

Ok, moving on.

Breakfast was quite excellent, if quite similar to most. Jon jazzed it up a little by adding avocado and adding some cheese to the eggs. He also added 1/2 a peach and some walnuts to the standard fruit/yogurt combo.

I love, love, love corned beef (and corned beef hash, reubens, etc.) … and I love the way it smells when it’s cooking, so I was pretty excited about lunch. I didn’t take a picture of the entire pot – cabbage, potatoes and all – but I did get one at the very beginning of the process.

And before eating.

And of another necessary ingredient/addition.

Yum. I can’t eat a hamburger or steak without puking, but I swear I LOVE corned beef.

Jon decided to make some homemade sauerkraut with the half of the cabbage that didn’t get cooked with the corned beef.

He tried to tell me that half of that cabbage and several of those carrots (shredded) would fit into this jar (that used to house wickles), but uh … how?

Here’s the process:

Here’s the mess:

And the final product, which he learned about here:

Very simple.

I won’t be eating this even though I (used to) love sauerkraut, primarily because I just read the how-to and found this little gem: Mold or scum might appear on the surface every day; just skim that stuff off.

Nope. Some things are better left unknown, for sure.

We went to the gym sometime mid-afternoon where I did about 40 minutes of cardio on the machines while Jon did sprints and lifted. I was pretty disappointed that it was almost completely dead – no people watching – but I survived. Another lesson learned today, though: rap lyrics are also better left unknown. Dang boredom had me actually paying attention to the music I was listening to (on my ipod).

We had nothing planned for dinner since lunch was so heavy, so I thought I might be able to get away with eating just a snack – so I tried.

Then I ate dinner an hour or so later – cold – straight from the refrigerator. I love cold chicken (Jon grilled this yesterday with the jerk rub) and cold cabbage.

I realized at lunch that our meal was quite brown/white vs. green – and realized it when I ate my snack – and again at dinner. I think I have been very accustomed to eating colorful meals … and I like it.

My calories and carbs are high today, but not outrageously so: 2,361 calories, 148g fat, 151g carbs, 119g protein. It was expected.

We were up at 6 this morning – no surprise. I’m pretty sure we sat around for a couple of hours doing nothing, which was just exactly how I wanted to spend the morning.

Jon finally got around to making breakfast for us around 8 or 9: yogurt/fruit and jalapeno cheddar chicken sausage w/peppers, onions and sugar snap peas.

We ventured out to do our multi-store grocery shopping for the week (or two) sometime mid-morning. We stopped at Panera for lunch somewhere along the way and I had the chicken cobb salad again. It was good, of course, but I’m starting to have some issues with eating out – something we did multiple times a week in the past. We paid $20 for 2 salads just after leaving the farmers market, where we paid $20 for a bag full of stuff. Seemed sort of ridiculous to pay so much for one meal. It’s getting harder and harder to justify spending the money when I’m perfectly happy eating at home/making my own salads.

My face was still burning after walking around 2 farmers markets (can’t wear sunscreen because I’m apparently allergic to it – VERY sensitive skin) so we picked up some hats after lunch. I’m all about vitamin D, but I have red hair and green eyes … any sun is bad sun for me. Seriously. I’ve been needing to do this for a long time.

Good thing, too, because we ended up going to the pride parade after all of our shopping, which necessitated more time in the sun. We bailed after the parade and didn’t go to anything else because … eh. It was hot.

I picked this stuff up today even though I probably shouldn’t have and almost didn’t – it has about 9g of carbs per small serving (1/4 c). It’s SO worth it, though. I had to measure out a serving because otherwise? A serving would’ve been the whole bag.

Started taking vitamins again this afternoon, too.

Dinner = pork chops, steamed green beans and 1/2 a sweet potato w/butter and salt/pepper.

Jon marinated the pork chops with some stuff that was very good:

I had a 7oz pork chop, but I ended up eating maybe 4 or 5? Not too hungry.

I am extremely grumpy tonight because I hurt my foot (again?) today. It had JUST started to feel ok most of the time, but I apparently did something strange to it today while walking so much. I am hobbling around again and feeling like I’m ready to consider PT. Or chopping it off. Maybe. I’m just fucking tired of it.

We had planned to go to the gym today, but I didn’t feel up to it. Jon took the dog for a walk that I couldn’t go on, too. I painted my toenails instead.

We’re watching Borat. Definitely that kind of night.

I’ll be at 1,883 calories, 127g fat, 97g carbs and 111g protein when I get around to eating the chocolate that’s waiting for me.

Long freakin’ day. Good – just tiring.

I was rushing this morning, of course, so Jon threw my breakfast in a tupperware container as we were heading out the door. No time to even deal with a coffee cup since I needed to eat my eggs while I drove. Doesn’t matter how early I get up … eating is always last priority for some reason.

Lunch today was similar to others – salad w/mixed greens, tomatoes, carrots, a few T of hummus on top, a peach, and a cheese stick. I ended up eating only the cheese stick and ate the lunch when I got home from work. I just didn’t feel hungry around lunchtime – then ran out of time.

Jon cooked dinner shortly after he got home from work – salmon, broccoli and 1/2 a sweet potato w/butter and salt/pepper. I wasn’t overly hungry, of course, since I’d just eaten my salad and peach, but I ate. I can always eat.

After dinner, we went to see “Kiss Me, Kate” at a local university/school of music. We were enjoying it quite a bit, but we left at intermission – 9:30 PM. Bedtime! I swear we’re creeping pretty quickly towards bedtimes that are almost ridiculous, but dang. Jon’s out running by 6AM each day and I’m up not too long after – we’re tired!

I’m loving the new bag. Remembered to take a picture yesterday. Everything fits:

I’m at 1,246 calories, 67g fat, 95g carbs, 72g protein. I’m too tired to even care that I should eat more. SO glad tomorrow is Saturday.

This is how I spent last night (including skipping pilates). Ridiculous, but SO necessary.

I’m down almost exactly 2 lbs. Didn’t do anything differently this week vs. last week, so I have no idea what happened last week. Oh, well. I’m happy to see progress.

So … I have this husband, Jon – as you know, who is really into the primal eating stuff. REALLY into it. Like – goes to a Mexican restaurant and doesn’t eat chips – into it. Encourages me to pick the noodles out of soup while I’m sick/been puking – into it. Imagine my surprise when I got home from work today and opened up facebook and found this:

Not only is he at MCDONALD’S – a place I have literally begged him to go to before (admittedly in the past when Big Macs where a staple of my diet), but he’s eating a HOT DOG BUN – with what appears to be some kind of gross lobster/mayo concoction. Yeah.

He will NEVER live this down.

(But isn’t he so cute?)

My morning started with me forgetting to disable the alarm before opening the door to let the dog out, which caused a lot of loud commotion and subsequent freaking out from the dog, of course.

Then?

THEN?

(Which is so sad because I love those polka dot bowls and have had them forever.)

All before 7AM. There’s a reason my mind goes straight to drowning when I almost fall. Clumsy is probably an understatement.

Breakfast was the usual fruit/yogurt combo – this time with a jalapeno cheddar chicken sausage since I was rushing and didn’t have time to deal with eggs.

I packed the standard lunch – salad, apple sauce, cheese stick – and this time I added some cherries, but ended up bringing those back home.

I didn’t get home from work until after 6 today, so I was NOT in the mood to deal with cooking … but I was starving. I ended up plopping a package of frozen ground turkey into a pan and cooked it with garlic, a little bit of cayenne pepper and some red pepper flakes – and then threw that on top of a salad that had greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, red onion, about an ounce of shredded pepperjack cheese, some plain yogurt, and half an avocado. Not beautiful, but SO good all mixed up.

The snack I’m eating right now:

I’m currently at 1,729 calories, 109g fat, 81g carbs, 118g protein – and I’m done. I’m stuffed.

I didn’t make it to the gym this morning and I was planning to go tonight, but I’m not feeling it. I’m achy and sore from yesterday and I just lost all motivation after I ate dinner. It’s been a long day.

Breakfast this morning was typical (1/4 cup yogurt, raspberries, blueberries and a few strawberries – 2 scrambled eggs), but I also threw in a small peach that was close to being too shriveled to eat.

I worked outside for several hours after breakfast with a whiny dog who begged to go in, then freaked when I didn’t accompany him, then whined to go in some more, repeat. He’s such a sweet boy – just a tad demanding and unwilling to be hot and/or alone. Can’t really blame him.

I think I ended up doing more harm than good in our pathetically overgrown little garden given that I accidentally chopped off the only bell pepper growing and then smashed the basil, too. I was trying to weed, but I really have no business throwing a hoe around. I’m about as uncoordinated as one could possibly be.

I quit and came inside for a snack after I stepped in a hole and almost fell over backwards – which resulted in visions of myself falling into the pond, hitting my head on a stone and subsequently drowning. Yeah, I’m crazy. Or cautious/realistic. Depends on who you ask.

Lunch (later) was leftover chicken thrown on top of mixed salad greens. That’s it. Plain, but very good.

I was a little hungry later, so I ate some pistachios. I measured to get an idea about what 1/2 cup looks like. LOVE them – it’s a damn good thing they require work beyond tossing them into my mouth.

I skipped pilates tonight and went to a sculpt (total body sculpt, maybe?) class with a friend (at her gym), which I’m going to be feeling tomorrow, for sure. Afterward, we ate at quiznos where I had the cobb salad, which was SO dang good since I was starving – lettuce, blue cheese, egg, bacon, onions, and water – no flat bread.

Came home and had a few squares of the chocolate w/espresso beans – just because I felt like it and can’t seem to fully shake my sugar addiction.

Now? I’m tired. My foot is hurting. I predict I’ll be asleep soon, which is ok since I’m thinking about going to the gym before work tomorrow.

OH! I bought the cutest lunch bag the other day. I think this is going to work well since it’s an insulated lunch bag on the inside that’s large enough for my lunches AND water, but has pockets on the outside for my keys/phone/id. I can ditch the purse I’ve been carrying to work – FINALLY – and can deal with just one bag. Hopefully.

So … about to publish and shut down, but just randomly saw a commercial for a show called More to Love – like The Bachelor, but for fat people – or “the rest of us” says the producer. Haven’t heard of it before, so I googled and found a somewhat helpful article. It mentions contestants will do activities similar to those seen on The Bachelor, but that jacuzzi or massage dates will take on a different perspective. Huh. I’m wondering what that different perspective will be? Last time I checked, jacuzzi’s and massages worked pretty much the same for fat people as they do for thin ones. Am I misunderstanding something? Oh – and there will be makeover aspects. Does that happen on The Bachelor? I’ve never seen it, but my impression from the article is that it doesn’t happen. So … they want to send the message “that you can be the size you are and still be lovable” … but they’ve created a whole new show SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS POPULATION instead of just including them on The Bachelor. And the title? Give me a fucking break.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m reacting unfairly given that I saw less than 15 seconds of the commercial, have read one article from March and have put 45 seconds of thought into this. It just pisses me off to see someone try to sell a show as something it isn’t – embracing people as they are would mean no separate fucking show, idiots. And who the hell are they, anyway, to send the message/grant permission to me (or anyone else) that it’s ok to be/feel lovable? The implication that fat = unlovable is just disgusting to me. How the hell did we (the general we) become some GD shallow?

I woke up this morning feeling MUCH better and was actually hungry. Who knows what happened yesterday or why? I was a little nervous to eat a large breakfast prior to meeting with the trainer, so I ate just a banana on the way. Good thing, too, because I felt sick a few times during harder exertion … but that’s it. Been fine since.

I had breakfast when I got home – 2 scrambled eggs, about 1/4 cup yogurt, blueberries, strawberries & raspberries.

The f/u with the podiatrist occurred right at lunch time, but I wasn’t overly hungry prior to leaving, so I ate a quick snack on the way hoping I wouldn’t have to wait for hours.

I didn’t have to wait much at all – and the appointment lasted all of 15 minutes. He gave me a Rx for an oral nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory, a referral for physical therapy and taped my foot. I’m not sure that I’m going to f/u with the physical therapy OR the meds, but we’ll see. I’m going to keep stretching/icing/resting/taping and see how it feels in a month. I am NOT inclined to spend money on physical therapy for something I might be able to overcome with a little time/effort at home.

l ran a few errands on the way home before eventually eating lunch around 3 – a salad with greens, tomatoes, carrots, broccoli, cucumber, red onion, about an ounce of shredded pepperjack cheese, a little bit of olive oil and some red wine vinegar … and a jalapeno cheddar sausage.

(insert boring afternoon)

I was on my own for dinner and had some thawed chicken and other misc stuff that needed to be used … so I threw it all together, let it cook, and ate it. In the pan = olive oil, chicken breast tenders, red onion, various peppers, sugar snap peas, fresh basil and chopped up cherry tomatoes (that I remembered and added at the last minute). I truly rarely cook, so I had no idea if this creation would be edible or be a disaster. Turned out pretty well. Definitely my kind of cooking – very fast, one pan, little mess, avoided food waste, good.

I ate about 6 ounces of chicken and have plenty left for breakfast or lunch tomorrow.

The dessert (that I’m saving for later) is a few squares of chocolate (with espresso beans) and cherries.

I’m at 1,968 calories, 108g fat, 146g carbs, 114g protein. Carbs still too high – yogurt, banana, peach, peas and cherries all over 10g … DAMNIT!