I’m experiencing pretty astounding levels of stress lately. Astounding might not even be the right word – maybe INSANE would best describe it. I come home some nights and barely make it through dinner without falling asleep. I’m just exhausted a lot of the time – physically and emotionally. I’m thinking I’ll eventually become accustomed to dealing with/seeing human tragedy and sadness, but right now it’s weighing me down. I’m trying to find the part of me that can let things go and not dwell – until then, I go to bed at night thinking about the things I see/hear/read and wake up wondering how in the world some people survive life.

Anyway, the big miracle amidst the stress is the weight loss I seem to have each week. I’m not always losing huge amounts (-2.2 this past week), but the overall trend is downward. I consider any loss or maintenance to be a success.

Exercise has been tricky. I’m trying, but I just don’t have time some days. Pilates has been interrupted because I have an obligation during one of the classes each week. I’ve also had to drop training down to one day per week, which I really didn’t want to do. I’m shooting for three days of exercise each week, with one of those days being Saturday or Sunday: one day of training, one pilates class and one weekend day of cardio. It’s not optimal, but it’s realistic.

The food portion of the equation is going really well. Jon and I realized we need more control, so we’ve been planning and buying groceries and resisting the urge to eat out even when we just really want to. I’ve been packing my lunch and just generally eating appropriately and it’s working out. This past week has really solidified the notion that restaurants are the problem. I know we’ll definitely continue eating out – just not as much and with much more discretion.

I’ve been doing a few specific things to stay sane and on track:

– I try to accomplish 1 goal on our 2009 goal list each weekend. Last weekend I cleaned out and organized our bathroom cabinets and drawers and also purged the filing cabinet. This weekend I’m working on the kitchen. Next weekend the plan is to start working on the yard. (Yeah, the goal list quite resembles a chore list, but hey, I like to break it down.)

- I stopped trying to keep up with my google reader/facebook/twitter/flickr/etc throughout the week. I love all things online, in general, but I’ve had to let it go. I catch up here and there when I can, but it generally has to wait until Saturday morning.

- I plan ahead. It’s really nice to not have to do the “what do you want for dinner, I don’t care, what do you want, I don’t care, what do you want, I don’t care” dance each night. I also plan what I’m going to wear each day (if it’s a day when work appropriate attire is required – otherwise, whatever) and prepare all of my stuff the night before, etc. A little preparation brings me an amazing amount of sanity.

- I need the house to be under control when my schedule/life is otherwise out of control, so I clean daily. I often have half an hour to an hour free at some point each day, so I use that time to do something. I vacuum every day, do the dishes every day, laundry every day, etc. I would really go absolutely nuts if I didn’t take the small snippets of time to clean and instead let things pile up.

- I have almost zero free time Monday – Friday, so I spend either Saturday or Sunday morning (sometimes both) doing absolutely nothing. I really need time for nothing, so I feel no guilt.

- I write everything down and keep a running list of things I need to do.

I am anal retentive and obsessive, but I function amazingly well under stress – I just bitch a lot. Guess that’s better than eating everything in sight.

(Although now that I think about it, I got a text yesterday from Jon that said: “Are you happy or grumpy?” I’m thinking he might have a different view of the situation.)

I just read through the past few entries and realized that I’ve done nothing but complain for weeks. The past month or so has been pretty hectic, but it hasn’t been THAT bad. I’m ridiculous sometimes.

I’m thinking my recent issues are mostly an attitude thing, so I’m trying my best to remember that a negative attitude doesn’t help/change things in any way. Seems to be helping this week. Also helping: Jon is in town, the dog is better, my schedule is ok, the house is clean, exam is done.

We’ve been sticking to the no-restaurants plan and it’s been ok. We had a slight moment of weakness when we both got home yesterday around 5:30pm, didn’t want to eat anything we had here, didn’t want to cook (me = lazy, Jon = sick), and needed to go to pilates. We weighed the benefit of picking up a take & bake pizza against buying groceries and cooking and found that the take & bake would be a lot cheaper and quicker than a traditional meal … and technically would only marginally break the no-restaurants rule. No surprise, right? In the end, Jon broiled some chicken breasts and steamed/microwaved a bag of frozen rice & veggies that I found in the freezer. All in all, the meal took about 20 minutes. Healthier than pizza and turned out to be quicker, too.

I have been craving biscuits with some kind of fierce passion lately. I don’t know what the deal is. I just want bread, pancakes, biscuits, etc. at all times of the day. I’m not sure where this weird carb fascination is coming from. I love bread, for sure, but not so much that I fantasize about it all day long as I’ve been doing lately. I bought some flour at the grocery store today and have told myself that I will have a biscuit when I make a biscuit. I’m thinking the craving will go away LONG before I follow through with this one.

We skipped pilates last night because Jon is sick, but I met with the trainer on Monday. It seems that my shoulder injury is just about healed. I can do push-ups, planks, etc. with minimal pain, so I’m excited to start working (again) on building upper body strength. We’ve been doing some jogging, too, which I’m not a huge fan of, but it gives me the cardio rush I need, so I keep it up.

I’m busy … but life is not quite as shitty as I’ve proclaimed. Things are good. We’re healthy and happy and all that. I just lose perspective here and there.

I’m stuck in the office with the dog since the directv guy is here installing Jon’s new receiver. I think I’ve read the entire internet, so I guess I need to say something here. About time, huh?

The past couple of weeks have been pretty shitty. I have been caught in a vicious cycle of feeling sick, feeling sluggish, feeling extremely stressed and feeling sorry for myself. A couple of days of self-pity are ok. 2 weeks? Out of control. I’ve been pretty swamped with school stuff, internship/work stuff and life stuff – to the point that I’m often just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with good, beneficial things, for sure, but overwhelmed nonetheless.

I had a fairly spectacular meltdown the other night while trying to figure out ways to fit more exercise into my schedule. My schedule is fairly erratic right now and I’ve had trouble fitting it in, which completely freaked me out. I swore I’d never be the person who makes exercise a last priority, but I did it. Just one week, but it’s a slippery slope. Thank God for the trainer and my commitment to that – I would’ve done nothing last week without her. I know everything will settle and I’ll wind up with a routine – just having some bumps in the road as I get the semester and internship schedule started and nailed down.

While I ate WAY too much last weekend (4 meals in restaurants), I have packed my lunch each day since then and have eaten really well at home all week. The small changes I incorporated over the past year have evolved into a completely new way of doing things, so I really have no issues at home. I eat tons of fruit, vegetables, nuts, etc. I drink nothing but water and coffee – ever. I eat whole foods, nothing overly processed or packaged (except lean cuisines here and there), etc. It’s just the damn restaurants. I’m obviously doing better at portion control and choices (or so I tell myself since I lost a half pound this past week after the restaurant extravaganza of last weekend and decrease in exercise), but I know I need to do something more drastic.

I just hate to cook and I’m lazy and I know I will never learn to cook the things I choose to go out to eat. I eat tilapia or salmon, a steamed vegetable of some sort and half a sweet potato almost every single night while Jon is out of town because that’s about all I know how to do, it takes 5 minutes and it requires 2 pots/pans. I eat a frozen lean cuisine if I’m too lazy for that, which obviously requires even less time and only a fork. My packed lunch is the same every single day: salad, string cheese, banana. Seriously. I detest cooking just that much. Good thing I have a husband who cooks and don’t mind eating the same thing over and over when he doesn’t.

This weekend is likely going to be a high calorie weekend. How do I know? It’s 11am and all I’ve had to eat today is a PB cup, a chocolate covered strawberry and piece of ice cream cake. I’m ok with that. It’s one day.

Some of my most favorite things. I have the sweetest husband ever.