I was so tired earlier that I was willing to leave my house (to pick up dinner) in pajama pants, a t-shirt 2 sizes too big, some of Jon’s old sandals that required me to simply slip my feet in, sunglasses to hide my mascara-less eyes, and with wet hair in a pony tail. I didn’t even have the energy to remove all of the nail polish from my toes.

At least I had a bra on. (Yes, there was actual debate.)

1.5 hours w/trainer (1 hour weights, half hour jogging intervals)
Approx 2 hours yard stuff (mowing, sweeping – note to self – buy blower next yr, pulling weeds, etc.)
Breakfast: 1/2 cup Oatmeal Squares, 1/2 cup Milk
Lunch: (Smoothie King) Smoothie, Handful of Mixed Nuts, 3 Slices of (sandwich type) Chicken
Dinner: (Buddy’s) BBQ Ribs, Potato Salad, Green Beans, Hushpuppies, Sweet Tea

I have got to start eating better meals before and after I work out. I was just completely drained tonight until I ate dinner. I haven’t had much of an appetite, and I really didn’t feel like eating the ribs after I got them, but I feel so much better. It’s amazing how quickly I perked up. I had about 3.5 hours of pretty intense exercise today and expected my body to do 1.5 hours of it on nothing but 1/2 cup of cereal and milk that I had eaten 3 hours prior. Then I had just a smoothie, few slices of chicken and nuts to keep me going for the other 2 hours out in the sun. Bad move. I needed more protein.

I’ve definitely noticed that I tend to eat very small and often sporadic meals when J is out of town. I don’t really like to cook, so I am reluctant to do more than cook a piece of fish or throw a salad together. I’m going to have to work on this, though. I’m starting to notice that my tiredness is directly related to my lack of proper meals.

Hour w/trainer
Breakfast: 1/2 cup Oatmeal Squares, 1/2 cup Milk (3)
Lunch: 3.75 oz bag Chex Mix, Apple Juice, 1/2 Protein Bar (16)
Dinner: WW Ravioli, Peach (6)
Snack: 2 Fig Newtons (2)
2nd Dinner: 1 Scrambled Egg, 1 slice Toast, 1/2 T Brummel & Brown (4)
31 Points
I really had a very horrible day, food-wise. I ate breakfast on the way to my training appointment. I had absolutely no time to eat lunch until about 2, and then found the cafeteria that I wanted to get some food from to be closed. I was starving since I’d had 1/2 cup of cereal prior to a very hard work out pretty early this morning and can’t believe I even had the energy to seek out some food. The junk that I wound up eating made me incredibly sluggish and tired, of course. Way too much processed food.

I’m feeling sore tonight. I didn’t notice it until about an hour ago, but my whole body is slightly aching.

Bad, bad choices today.
Breakfast: 1/2 cup Oatmeal Squares, 1/2 cup Milk, Blueberries
Snack: Tall Mocha Frapp (w/no WC)
Lunch: McD’s Chicken Sandwich, Fries, Water
Dinner: Goldfish Crackers

I have no excuse for the McD’s lunch. I haven’t been depriving myself, but I haven’t had fries since at least January. I just haven’t really wanted them. I initially went to a different fast food place to get a kid’s meal, but my phone rang right as I was about to order and I had to pull out of line. I couldn’t turn around, which meant I had to either leave the parking lot or go inside. So … I left and stopped at the next place I came to. It was very late and I had almost no time to make something at home. My hands were shaking!

I’m quite talented at rationalization, huh?

I felt sick after eating the meal. My mouth felt coated with grease. I guess I was hoping to at least enjoy the approximately 10,000 calories.

I’m too tired to eat dinner tonight. I know I need something more than crackers, but I just don’t feel like dealing with it.

I’m down 2.8! I knew a loss of some sort was coming since I obsessively weigh myself, but I didn’t expect -2.8 given all of the crap I’ve been eating. I’m happy.

I’m having a completely overwhelming day. I have so much to remember to do that I’m paranoid I’m going to forget to add something to my list, it will be forgotten and the world will come to an end. I am only marginally regretting the everyday food update challenge I set up for myself.

Hour w/trainer
Breakfast: 1/2 cup Oatmeal Squares, 1/2 cup Milk, Blueberries, Coffee (eaten on the way to trainer)
Lunch: LC Sesame Chicken, 1 oz Mixed Nuts, 2 Fig Newtons, Water (eaten in about 2 minutes as I rushed out the door)
Dinner: WW Quesadilla, Salad, 1 T Italian Dressing, Water (eaten as soon as I walked in the door because I was about to starve to death)
Snack that I ate after dinner because I’m stressed: Goldfish Crackers, 2 WW Candy, approx 8 oz Coke

Up for tomorrow: wake up and read chapter for class, class, workshop & recruitment fair, cram in reading 3 chapters and quiz prep prior to night class, try to finish paper for night class (not due but wanted to turn in early), night class that lasts 3 painful hours

Yee-freakin’-haw. Tomorrow is weigh-in day for the weight loss challenge I created, too. I’m not optimistic.

30 min @ gym (better than nothing, I guess)
Breakfast: 1/2 cup Oatmeal Squares, 1/2 cup Milk, Blueberries (3)
Lunch: LC Mac & Cheese, Grapes (7)
Dinner: 4 oz Pork Chop, Broccoli (steamed & plain), Asparagus (steamed & plain) (10)
Various Snacks: 1 oz Mixed Nuts, 2 Fig Newtons, Peach Yogurt, Goldfish Crackers (11)
Total Points = 31
Tired. I had a hard time motivating myself to go to the gym. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t have gone if J hadn’t really wanted to. I HATE going at night. I am definitely a morning work out person. I had to force myself to spend at least 10 minutes on the stairmaster, but tried a new (to me) elliptical machine of some sort. The hand things (so technical, I know) changed sporadically from push to pull. There was also a fan built into the machine, which grossed me out for a split second, but eventually turned out to be a pretty great bonus. (I didn’t want the air circulating in that room to be blown directly in my face. I also wash my hands after using each piece of equipment unless I’m using weights or am in a hurry. I have germ issues.) I started at a fairly low level but had to bump it up quite a bit to get my heart rate up. I think that I prefer the stairmaster. I still need to work on having better meals versus eating snacks here and there that don’t really do anything for me nutritionally.

No exercise today.
Breakfast: 3 Scrambled Eggs, 1 Slice of Whole Wheat Toast, 1 tsp Brummel & Brown, Coffee
Lunch: Whole Wheat Pasta, Sauce (Tomato, Beef, Onion, Green Peppers), Water
Dinner: 2 Slices Pizza (Sausage, Peppers, Onions, Cheese), Coke
Various Snacks: Babybel Cheese, 5 Sesame Crackers, 3 WW Candy, Handful of Mixed Nuts
Starting the day with lots of protein was a good idea. It kept me full for a very long time. Lunch was not optimal. I started out with 2 oz of pasta, but added another 2 oz. Dinner was even worse. We were feeling lazy and didn’t want to cook so Jon picked up a take & bake pizza. I ate two huge pieces along with about 8 oz of Coke. I haven’t left home or been outside at all today. I’m feeling tired and fat. Weekends are so hard for me (food-wise). I lose all motivation and just can’t seem to want to stay focused. I don’t think that I did too badly, but I most definitely could’ve eaten better. I’m finding that I need to start working on having 5-6 smaller meals again versus having 3 larger meals and snacks that I grab here and there. The snacks get me into trouble. I need to pour out the coke, too. We have a 2 liter hanging around that I seem compelled to drink for some reason. I don’t even really like it! Sometimes I think I must be insane.

Approx 1.5 Hours @ Gym (weights, cardio)
Breakfast: 1/2 cup Oatmeal Squares, 1/2 cup Milk, Blueberries (3)
Lunch: Salad (w/Spring Mix, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Tomatoes, Radish, Carrots, Mushrooms, Cucumber, Chicken (6 slices of sandwich type chicken), Oil & Vinegar), 5 Sesame Crackers, Grapes, Water (7)
Dinner: 6 oz Salmon (grilled), Asparagus (steamed & plain), Yellow & Zucchini Squash (steamed & plain), Water (7)
Various Snacks: 2 Fig Newtons, Mocha Frapp w/no WC, Handful of Mixed Nuts, 1/2 cup of Coke (16)
I spent most of today starving. I was hungry when I got to the gym, hungry when I left, hungry an hour after eating the salad, hungry after the frappuccino (no surprise), and even hungry after eating 8 points worth of nuts. I didn’t feel full until after dinner. I’m hungry again. Don’t know what’s going on. I don’t think it’s boredom. My stomach has actually been growling. I feel a physical pull to eat, not just an emotional one. I’m going to have to think about revamping my food choices. I obviously need more protein and less carbs/sugar. Lots of junk today. Really need to work on that.

I went grocery shopping today around noon, after a class and working out and after having only had a small amount of oatmeal and a banana many hours earlier. Unfortunately, I was tired and starving. Not a good combo. Potentially a stupid combo. The smells that assaulted me as I walked in the door almost made me lose it. I actually stopped and looked at the baked goods like a good little manipulated consumer until I was snapped back into reality by my ringing phone.

I try really hard to avoid the center aisles of grocery stores. Mostly because I rarely need anything from them but also because I hate feeling the temptation I inevitably feel to buy a bunch of stuff that I don’t need or even really want. I know my limitations when I’m starving. There pretty much are no limitations. Cookies, chips, coke? Suuuure. I needed only one item from one of those aisles today. I actually stood and debated for a minute or so whether I wanted to venture into that territory. I did. One item needed turned into six. Not bad considering how many I picked up and thought about adding.

Here’s what I ended up with:
Dairy
Individual containers of yogurt (light & fit – strawberry and a couple peach)
Fat Free Milk
Large container of plain yogurt
Fresh Meat
Approx 1 lb Pork Chops
Seafood
Approx 1 lb Salmon
Frozen Food
2 Lean Cuisines
1 WW
Grocery
Goldfish Crackers (to eat in the car on the way home)
Coffee (technically doesn’t count as junk to me)
All Bran Fiber Cereal (the one needed item)
Oatmeal Squares Cereal
Strawberry Fig Newtons
Sesame Crackers (no excuse. just love them.)
Produce
Asparagus
Bananas
Black Grapes
Blueberries
3 Broccoli Crowns
Cucumber
Green Bell Pepper
Grape Tomatoes
Sweet Potato
Navel Oranges
Large Container of Spring Mix
Peaches
Yellow Squash
Zucchini Squash

This is actually pretty typical. Just about all of the stuff that I purchased today is stuff that I purchase every time I get groceries (especially the produce). There are a few things that I know I need to work on. The Lean Cuisine and WW frozen meals are “emergency meals” for me. I always pick up a few to have on hand for days like today when I come home starving and have other things that I need to do during the 3 or 4 minutes it takes for the food to cook. I’m going to have a hard time breaking that and consider it a good compromise given that my previous “emergency meals” came straight from fast food places. The crackers (goldfish & sesame) aren’t typical purchases. They were Ineedtoeatsomethingrightnowomg purchases. They’re better than chips or a candy bar, but I could’ve eaten a banana in the car on the way home just as easily and I’m aware of that. The fig newtons? No excuse. I’m having a hard time breaking the sugar habit.

Hour w/trainer (@ gym – weight training)
Breakfast: Oatmeal, Banana, Water (3)
Snack: Goldfish Crackers (6)
Lunch: LC Sesame Chicken, Grapes, Water (8)
Snack: Babybel Cheese, 5 Sesame Crackers (4)
Dinner: (Thai) Garlic & Pepper Chicken w/Cabbage, Jasmine Rice, Water
Yet Another Snack: Vanilla Ice Cream in Chocolate Coated Waffle Cone
I was up to 21 prior to dinner, so I’m sure I went well over my allotted points. I tried to pick the healthiest option at dinner and think that I made a pretty good choice. The ice cream was not the brightest idea, but I wanted it. It was a fun night (went to a drive-in) so I’m not going to beat myself up about it. Could’ve been a lot worse.

I finally got around to updating our August budget this afternoon. Turns out we spent an appalling amount of money at restaurants over the course of the month. Some of it can be attributed to the amount of time we spent out of town, but there’s really no excuse for spending FOUR times more on restaurants than groceries.

I’ve been very lazy about journaling my food. I haven’t counted points or calories in several weeks. I’ve tried to rationalize it and I even attempted to convince myself that it’s a good idea to wean myself off of counting everything so that I can learn to eat appropriately without guidelines. I’ve just lost some motivation, though.

The good news is I haven’t gained any weight. The surprising news is I’ve actually lost weight. I haven’t lost motivation to exercise (sometimes because I have standing appointments with a trainer that I can’t bail on) and it looks like some of the habits that I’ve been working on creating have been effective. My portions have become smaller, my choices have become healthier, etc. I have no doubt that I will be able to maintain my weight loss. Looks like I’m going to struggle to keep losing, though.

I almost think that motivation isn’t the only problem. I think that maybe I’m a little scared of stepping into unknown territory. I will be in a weight range that I haven’t been anywhere near in a really long time if I am successful with the 24 pound challenge I created for myself. It seems crazy to think that I could be resistant to changing something that I want more than anything to change. It’s just a big change … hopefully with bigger changes coming.

I have a ton of stuff going on at the moment, but not so much that I can’t write down what I eat. I just refuse to fail because of created excuses. I’m going to attempt to post my daily food/exercise/thoughts here for a month to get myself back on track.

Today:
Hour w/trainer
Breakfast: Banana & Coffee, Gatorade
Lunch: (Firehouse Subs) Medium Steak & Cheese on Wheat & Water
Snack: 3 WW Candy & Hardboiled Egg
Dinner: (Indian) Rice, Garlic Naan, Vegetable Samosa, Palek Paneer (spinach & cheese)
I should have eaten a better breakfast, but I had a very early appointment to work out and have a tendency to feel sick if I eat too much prior and usually don’t want to eat at all afterwards. I use one scoop of Gatorade powder in a 32oz water bottle versus the 2 (or 3?) recommended, so I don’t get many calories from that. Lunch surprised me – I had no desire to get the chips or brownie that could’ve accompanied my sandwich. I just wanted the sandwich and water. I probably could’ve picked a better sandwich, but I’m happy with my choice. Dinner? Ate way too much. It was very, very good, though, and reminded me why I choose to limit my portions versus limit what I eat. I love food way too much to impose harsh restrictions.
Overall – Not what I’d consider a good day. Way too few vegetables.