I have no idea where time goes these days. I feel like I’m living in a work – exercise – eat – sleep – laundry – blah cycle.

I’m happy, just BUSY. Self-care is taking a little bit of a hit right now, but only in that I wish I had more time for fun adventures (i.e., traveling). Right now, I’m settling for a more laid-back (though critical, for me) version – daily exercise, 8-9 hours of sleep each night, decent food and time at home disconnected from the world.

It’s fine and all is well, but I also just spent quite a bit of time researching and planning a weekend trip to Puerto Rico. It probably won’t happen anytime soon – but I like to have an escape in my back pocket.
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The running program has been going for 3 weeks now and I still completely love it.

I swear to god I have no idea what has happened to me.

I got up at 7am this morning and went to the group and jogged 2.25 miles IN THE RAIN like it was nothing – and then did the core circuit workout part without dying, too.

I originally started out in the lower level program designed for people who are training for their first 5k (or who can’t easily already run 3 miles), but it turned out to be too easy. I’ve bumped up to a slightly watered down version of the novice speed training program and I’m much more challenged.

Jon’s doing the intermediate level of the speed program and is enjoying it, too.

I think the group aspect is really paying off for me. Everyone is very nice and motivated and upbeat and all that. It’s nice to work out with other people – yet completely do my own thing with no pressure or competition. The program is very well run and organized, too. Excellent coaches.

I have no idea what possessed me to spontaneously sign up to do something I have historically despised, but I am SO GLAD I had a moment of pure craziness back in December.

(Stole this from twitter – the small group that showed up at the optional core class last week.)

Jon and I have signed up to run another 5k next weekend. He’s much faster than me and averages about 28-29 minutes right now, so he’s going to do his own thing and I’m going to do mine and we’ll see what happens.
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I’ve been bouncing between 159-162 since I last posted (weighed 162 this morning). My body is seriously comfortable at this weight and I’m totally ok with that right now.

I’m running 4 days a week, doing Body Flow once or twice each week and doing the core circuit thing with the running group one night a week (plus a shorter version after each Saturday morning run).

I’ve dropped a pants size (or could if I were willing to actually buy new pants), so there you go.
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Other than that work – exercise – eat – sleep – laundry – blah cycle, not much has been happening.

Jon’s been brewing beer. I think he has another batch coming up tomorrow.

Henry was finally released from his cone yesterday. We’re still on a time consuming eye drops schedule, but he has recovered very well.

AND! Jon’s child #4 (his youngest) graduated from HS last night.

She wound up with just about a completely full ride (various athletic and academic scholarships) to a small private school she chose.

We met her for breakfast this morning after our running group, so we were sweaty + wet from the rain + tired (though Jon had planned ahead and brought a dry shirt). She went to a senior night thing at a local sports complex after graduation last night, so she’d slept about 3 hours. We all rallied, though.

(cinnamon raisin french toast)

I’m really very happy for her. She’s a great kid.

Well, we went to Henry’s ophthalmology appointment at UT’s Veterinary Hospital on Wednesday morning and wound up leaving him for surgery. We knew we wanted to do the surgery should they suggest it – I guess we just weren’t prepared for it to happen so quickly. They whisked him away before I had much of a chance to realize I’d be leaving him for the next 2 nights.

He was a great candidate for the surgery since his cataracts were both extremely immature and since he’s in good health, in general – so it went well. He came home on Friday afternoon looking a little pitiful, but his vision has been completely restored. It was immediately noticeable to us that he can see very well again.

I recognize that we’re very fortunate to have the means to do this.

I just couldn’t imagine willfully allowing him to be blind for the rest of his life.

They told us – several times – that this would be a time-consuming undertaking. I don’t think I fully understood until I typed up a medicine chart when we got home to keep everything straight.

Looks like he’ll be going to work with Jon each day since neither of us are home – or close enough – to do several of the daytime doses.

We left him for a little while yesterday (Saturday) morning to run and came home to some squinting, so we called and wound up back at the hospital.

He’s developing a small corneal ulcer, but we caught it quickly and they changed the meds a little and all seems to be well today (Sunday). He’s definitely back to being his perky little self. He seems to be managing with the cone just fine, too. Good thing, I guess, since it’s at least a 3 week situation.

The staff at UT is PHENOMENAL. They are so kind and professional and all that jazz. I’m glad we chose to take him there.
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I’ve talked Jon into doing RunKNOX with me this time around. We’re doing this one:

Run.0 is a 12-week training program (April 30-July 23) for individuals looking to gain a hands-on all-inclusive introduction to the sport of running. Throughout this program, we will focus on the basics of running, including form and efficiency. We will not run a lot of mileage, but we will do some pace and form-enhancing quality work such as hills, drills, strides, fartleks & core strengthening. This program will provide you coach and peer support as it seeks to change your view of running and help you become an engrained member of the RunKNOX community.

Program Details
12-week program: April 30, 2013 – July 23, 2013

When:
• Tuesday at 6:00pm
• Saturday at 7:30am
• Thursday at 6:00pm (optional core class)
Where: Tennessee Sports Medicine Group/Cherokee Mills Fitness Center

There are 2 other options – all meeting at the same time/together:

SumSPEED is a 12-week training program (April 30-July 23) for individuals who feel “the need … for speed!” This program will focus on athletes who are looking to become a more dynamic runner and find gears they didn’t know they had.

SumBASE is a 12-week training group (Apr. 30-July 23) for individuals ready to take a long-term approach to running a strong fall Half/Full Marathon next Fall/Winter.

I don’t feel ready for either of those yet. Soon, I hope!
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I ran a few miles yesterday morning and struggled quite a bit with a stomach revolt. I had to walk around mile 2 and again around mid-mile 3 but I got it all done just before it started raining.

I ate chili the night before and wound up feeling kinda crappy all night – and definitely felt it during the run – so I’m really going to have to work on eliminating beans from my diet. I think I determined that they’re a problem back in January when I reintroduced them during (or after?) the paleo(ish) diet. Not really a hardship, so I need to just DO IT. I hate feeling fine as I run – except for my damn stomach.
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I haven’t weighed myself to determine if I’ve stayed at 159. I guess we’ll see on April 30 when I finish up this “challenge.” I’m going to say that I’m likely back up to 162 or 163 given history. Also? I’ve eaten ice cream every day for just about the past week (for all kinds of reasons from kids asking to take a trip to Bruster’s to it just being in the freezer) + we had pizza last night + we had a huge Mexican lunch one day + we ate dinner out somewhere a few times during the past week. I’ve been over my calorie allotment by many hundred calories for several days in a row because it’s just been one of those weeks. Not a spectacular end to the month, but it’s ok.
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My ongoing whine: it’s just so easy to maintain around 162. I read other blogs and see how rigid some people are when they’re trying to maintain a big loss like mine and I’m just … not. I don’t think I am, anyway. I’ve fully embraced the 80/20 thing … and it works.

Still trying to work up the nerve to just be done. Can’t quite commit to this being the end of the weight loss line just yet – but I have a solid argument in place. April’s (mostly) intuitive eating maintaining might be what pushes me over the edge.

The April challenge to clean up my diet a little? Apparently going well.

I somehow lost 3.5 pounds pretty quickly with very little effort. I’ve been counting calories via myfitnesspal (mostly after the fact), but I haven’t really intentionally done much.

SO – January’s paleo challenge (heavy food restriction) = expected loss of holiday weight + some head drama + lots of planning/thought/effort. Eating what I want within limits (which I guess would mostly qualify as intuitive eating) = no head drama + fat loss + zero effort.

I know this stuff. I know what my body needs to be healthy. Someday I’ll fully rely on myself and quit trying to drag in outside influences. It’s fun to experiment, but this that I’m doing now? Realistic for the long-haul.

I’m really starting to feel like the health/body awareness is the big pay-off here – not the 110+ pound weight loss. I listen to people talk about diets and ways to lose weight and what the “healthiest” way to eat might be and I wish I could transport them to this place I am now. I still go back and forth and struggle with some things (and likely always will), but I have so much peace now that I know what food/exercise works for me. I have an actual opinion OF MY OWN – based on the science of KNOWING MY BODY.

The days of listening to “experts” who haven’t walked in my shoes are just over.

Anyway – as I’ve probably repeatedly said – I’ve tested and experimented enough to know that I feel great and am at my best when I eat unprocessed/real food, full fat dairy, fruit of all kinds, white potatoes, lean meat, minimal sugar (preferably in ice cream or chocolate covered fruit/nut form) and lots of green stuff.

The pictures are horrible, but I took some the day I hit 159.5 (for only the second time in the 150′s that I can ever remember).

I have a crappy picture of my face, too. I’m at the stage where I’m quietly planning to chop all of my hair off because it gets on my nerves – but still know better.

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I haven’t been eating anything overly interesting, so I don’t have many pictures.

Typical lunch:

Typical snack:

Typical dinner (salmon + curry stuff on rice courtesy of Jon):

Life is incredibly busy lately. I’m still going to Body Flow regularly and I’m (very much) looking forward to the running thing starting up again next week and life is just … moving on.

(I took this last night when I got home from Body Flow and was complaining about my inability to do a pose and Jon was all “like this?” I don’t think he’s ever been to a Body Flow or yoga class in his life.)

We’re enjoying the new house and the new yard and are slowly making changes and getting things the way we want them.

We have no idea what’s been planted over the past 92 years and will what will emerge. Lots of surprises are popping up.

Henry turned SEVEN last week.

He can’t see a dang thing, but the appointment to talk about the surgery is later this week.

He has always been super interested in playing with toys, but he can’t see them now – so it’s a little heartbreaking when we throw something and he just runs around (sometimes INTO furniture) completely oblivious – but he seems to be his happy self.

I did it!

Official time is 34:32. (#5819)

I have been SO ANXIOUS about this and was completely freaked out yesterday when we drove the course and I realized how hilly it would be – so I’m glad the uncertainty is over.

I really didn’t think I’d be able to make it under 35 minutes because of the hills, but decided that my goal would be to just keep jogging. No walking. I really didn’t want to walk AT ALL – so I made that my priority.

I made both goals, though!

This was a pretty big deal for me. I think I’ve mentioned before that I started trying to lose weight because it bothered me that I couldn’t easily walk around the hilly UT campus. Today’s race? Took me through the exact spots I struggled with way back then.

I still can’t believe I once couldn’t walk around campus without extreme discomfort. I also can’t believe I couldn’t jog even 3/4 of the way around the UT track the first week of January (not even a quarter of a mile), but jogged 3.22 straight miles today.

I really think I could have let fear talk me out of doing it had Jon not been there to force me to make it to the start.

This was just unfathomable to me prior to January – and realistically – it was unfathomable to me until I finished today. Seriously.

I really feel so fortunate to have found the group I joined. About 10 of us went to brunch afterward (all of them half marathoners but me and Jon) and it was so encouraging to talk about new goals and plans.

Who would have ever thought that I’d be excited about RUNNING?

So, January 1: 41:56, Today: 34:32. I’m happy with that.
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I weighed myself this morning – and took some progress pictures since I haven’t done that in a while, but was dressed for it.

163, as is typical.

I was feeling bad about the fact that 10-15 pounds are still hanging on – and almost deleted the pictures – but I’m fucking crazy.

The body stuff just doesn’t ever seem to (emotionally) get much easier.

So the 5K? Issues.

I’m freakishly anxious about it for some reason. I went to the group last night and talked to one of the first-time marathon people who is having the same sort of anxiety – on a much larger scale, I guess – so I’m not alone, but it seems ridiculous. I CHOSE THIS. Nobody’s life is on the line here. It’s just running. Running! Moving my body forward.

I’m all-or-nothing about this, though. I want to finish without walking and I have a general time goal – but I feel so unprepared. I’ve run 3 miles ONCE in my entire life on a flat track. I don’t know the route – never even walked it. I’ve participated in just 2 races – both to walk.

I legitimately don’t know that I can do this.

I’ve been told to trust the process, but I’m just not good at that. Like, AT ALL. I’m good at planning and preparing and practicing until I KNOW I can do something. I have practically nothing on the training schedule this week since we run on Sunday – but I feel like I should be running 3 miles EVERY DAY.

Just to be sure.

I think that I can make my rough time goal even if I walk some. I will feel like I have failed, for sure – like this one won’t count – but my last run (on Saturday) was 36 minutes of 3:1 (with the 1 being walks) and I hit 3.12mi at 33:52 – so I’m ok with that.

Who knew this would hit all my buttons?

I love it, but dang. Have to work on the pressure I create for myself.
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I have really slacked with the food lately. We’ve been so busy that Jon hasn’t been cooking much – and I don’t cook at all when he’s gone. I’ve eaten leftover ham for dinner the past two nights in a row, but I’m hoping to start making more of an effort. It’s hard to care too much when I rush from work to exercise to home and then have approximately 2 free hours – but I need to care.

I’m attempting an April challenge similar to January’s. I didn’t feel like continuing it into February and I wasn’t feeling it last month, either – but I’m up for it now.

It’s really not problematic at all except for dinner. I’ve eaten the same breakfast + (packed) lunch for a long, long time. Meals outside of that, though, have been a free-for-all for the past few weeks. Time to reign it in and clean it all up a little bit. I just haven’t felt well and I REALLY feel unwell on days when I eat (what I consider to be) junk – so it’s time.

I haven’t weighed myself lately (since the last time I posted a weight, I think) – and I don’t plan to do that daily as I did before. Just want to feel better and know that I’m properly fueling my body vs. fueling my emotions/stress.

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So remember how I said we’re putting off the cataract surgery until another one develops? Happened last Wednesday.

I noticed immediately via Henry’s strange behavior. He had the squinting pain, too, over the weekend. He seems to be somewhat better now (pain-wise) – but he’s still moping around.

We have my mom’s dog, Buddy, here this week. No playing whatsoever, no interest – which is highly unusual.

We have an appointment with the local university’s veterinary hospital in a few weeks.

I have no idea what happened to last week. It seems like I blinked and here we are at another Monday.

I felt unwell and run-down (tired + constant headache) most of the week, so I skipped a couple of runs. The training program core class ended, too, so I didn’t have that. I also missed Body Flow on Monday night because I was stuck at a dermatology appointment on the other side of town (annual check-up). I very much like routine + very much like (and need) regular exercise, so I felt out of sorts all week.

I did 3 miles pretty late Thursday night – but it was awful. I was grumpy and tired and had zero motivation – and didn’t even have time to get to it until my normal bedtime – but I knew I’d feel better if I forced it.

It was dark + so cold my fingers froze. These days? Cold? This:

This has been happening to my fingers and toes all winter. I had no idea what was going on until someone I was working with one day complained about the temperature of our environment and mentioned having Raynaud’s. I took a mental note and went home and googled it – and diagnosed myself.

If you have primary or secondary Raynaud’s, cold temperatures or stress can trigger “Raynaud’s attacks.” During an attack, little or no blood flows to affected body parts.

As a result, the skin may turn white and then blue for a short time. As blood flow returns, the affected areas may turn red and throb, tingle, burn, or feel numb.

In both types of Raynaud’s, even mild or brief changes in temperature can cause Raynaud’s attacks. For example, taking something out of the freezer or being exposed to temperatures below 60 degrees Fahrenheit can cause your fingers to turn blue.

My fingers have never turned blue, but they will be white by the time I get from my office to my car on really cold days. Considering the level of my hypochondria, I’m surprisingly calm about this. It’s just annoying.

ANYWAY. I’ve put off buying decent gloves + something to cover my ears + any actual running stuff, in general, because I keep telling myself that a new season is coming … and that I might not stick to this … but I think I’m wrong on both counts. (Especially since today? SNOW.)
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I weighed myself yesterday for the first time since the last time I mentioned it here. 162. Same as always.

Nothing much has changed food-wise. I’m still counting via myfitnesspal, but I don’t count to restrict. I wind up around 2000 calories most days that Jon’s home. I’m sure it’s pretty obvious how that happens, but here’s a reminder:

Breakfast yesterday morning: sweet potato + bacon + onion + butter + cinnamon + garlic hash with eggs.

We try to keep the restaurants to a weekend only thing, so we did that, too (I ate half of this):

I still waffle back and forth about restricting calories to lose some fat – but I’m just not sure I’m ready to commit yet.

I’d like to have my body fat calculated to see where I stand, but life and eating and exercise are just so easy right now.

As with everything that’s transpired over the past 5 years, this whole thing is an evolving process. I’m sort of ready to be DONE, but I’m not sure how to be done. I don’t know that I CAN be done when I realistically have 10-15 pounds of fat I could lose.

But why not?

I’m getting tired of thinking about it.
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My first 5k – to run – is in 2 weeks. I still haven’t run the full distance, but I can do 3 miles, so surely I can survive it.

Honestly – it scares me. I really can’t believe that I’ll be able to do it.

I’m doing another running training program. Starts in May. So excited!

Anybody who knows me well – and/or who has been reading here for a while – will totally recognize how unbelievable it is that I ran 3 straight miles:

I know I have complained here each and every time I tried and failed at C25K. I’ve said (many times) that I hate running. I probably completely swore it off at some point. The spontaneous decision to sign up for the training program (to give myself some pressure and accountability) has apparently paid off well because I truly feel very differently now that I’m improving and accomplishing something.

I am not dramatically exaggerating (much) when I say that I was terrified to try the 3 consecutive miles on Saturday. I’ve done them separately, but I’d never even run 2 in a row when I tried this.

I had to miss the morning group run Saturday morning because we had an early vet appointment, so I talked myself out of doing it until almost noon. I kept telling myself I’d do it later – until I realized I was dwelling on it and ruining my day – so I walked to the track and did it.

Part of my problem was that Friday’s effort (4 min run/1 min walk) sucked – despite having done it before. We went to a park/greenway we’d never been to and I hated it. It was hilly – to me. Jon didn’t seem to be affected by the small hills at all, but I might as well have been trying to run up a mountain each time. It was just HARD – and I had walk breaks. I really couldn’t imagine doing 3 straight miles.

Realistically, I think it was easier – mentally – to do the 3 straight miles. The walk breaks mess me up because I focus so much on time.

Also, I really like flat tracks.

(3 MILES!)
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Jon spent some time prepping for the week (with his Big Green Egg) on Saturday.

He had some other plans to make a few other things ahead of time, but we wound up feeling pretty lazy on Sunday. We went downtown and had a fairly carb heavy lunch, so we took a small walk to wear off some of the haze.

Somehow – during the walk – we decided to spend the rest of the day in that same haze.

I took an hour long nap while we watched tv, skipped dinner and am now amazed that the second half of yesterday seems to have happened in a complete fog. That’s the first beer purchased since before Jan 1, so I imagine Jon feels the same.
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We had a follow-up with the vet regarding the cataract.

Henry can’t see out of one eye, of course, but the vet recommended that we wait until he develops a cataract in the other eye before doing the surgery. They don’t generally pursue surgery (if there’s no pain) until quality of life is affected (i.e., complete blindness).

He seems to be fine, so we’ll wait and see. I just can’t believe my sweet boy has a condition caused by the AGING PROCESS.

I should have clarified when I said I’m thinking about doing another paleo(ish) challenge throughout March. Nothing has radically changed – I just became a little looser in my choices and went back to a much more casual mindset.

I’d guess that I mostly do the 80/20 thing and most of what I eat is unprocessed, etc. without much thought – out of preference and natural inclination. I am just not super strict about things like daily doses of chocolate covered raisins. I was thinking that I might start watching my carbs a little more throughout March and might cut the indulgent restaurant meals to zero and might take the chocolate covered raisins back to a weekend only thing.

Then – I weighed myself and found that I weigh exactly the same. Then – I thought about how I feel JUST FINE and about how my clothes seem to be looser since I’ve started running more. Then – I ate a bagel for dinner last night and enjoyed the hell out of it. So. I don’t think it’s going to happen this month. My deal with myself? No food weirdness unless it’s fun. I had fun with it in January. Seems like work now.

I’m keeping on with myfitnesspal because I like it. Super easy.
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OMG the running! I love it!

I mean, I hate it when I’m doing it – but I missed it all week (since it was a down week). I woke up incredibly grumpy one day and wound up irritated that I was supposed to have another rest day. If I have learned ANYTHING over the past 5 years, it’s that exercise is key to sanity – for me.

I had one thing on the schedule for the week (other than a couple of days of cross training): 36 mins of 3/1.

I am seeing definite progress. This was a little slower than my last effort, but barely.

I’m REALLY looking forward to better weather. It was cold + windy + snowed + was miserable. I had to wear sunglasses despite the lack of sun to keep the snow out of my eyes.

I felt great the rest of the day, though.
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Jon’s in Santiago, Chile this week. (SO JEALOUS.) He’s in the midst of trying to lose some of the weight gained after the cancer situation – and he’s having success – but I swear I have no idea how he does it while traveling all of the damn time.

I’ve mentioned that he eats sardines just about every day, right? That’s not just at home. He usually packs multiple tins of them + several avocados (when traveling in the US) and he’s been known to take Green SuperFood (pond water) packets. He sometimes packs jump ropes and things like that, too. This time, he took a Thera-Band.

Our insurance company sent this to us a couple of years ago. I had no idea what it was at the time. He swears they’re best suited as a solution to the head-falling-forward problem when trying to sleep on a plane.

(I have no doubt he’ll actually use that thing to tie his head back.)

I told him to take pics of his food to send to me, so we’ll see. I’m extremely curious about what he’ll eat all week.

His lunch today looks decent:

He often has a plan of some sort from his trainer for stuff he can do in his room and he runs and utilizes the stairs for cardio exercise, etc… but I know it just sucks for him to be away and busy and tired – in general – especially in an unfamiliar country (with a language barrier).

I left work at a decent time last night – and had NO plans since it’s a down week on the running schedule – so I had time to catch up on some blog reading.

Found these macaroons, had the stuff on hand, decided I needed them, so went for it (well, WE went for it – it was a joint effort when Jon got home since my motivation/interest generally greatly declines shortly after writing a recipe down).

He cut the recipe in half, but then added an extra T of coconut butter … and he just sort of estimated everything without measuring, including the salt (which is the only ingredient not listed below, but is imperative).

Really simple.

Took about 10 minutes, tops – especially since my role in the whole thing was to roll them into balls. I just did some quick squishing.

These things have the balance I like: sweet enough to satisfy my craving for ALL THE SUGAR + dense and rich enough to make me stop at one (ok, two).

I can’t believe this.

I was supposed to have done this 50 minutes of 4/1 fartleks last Wednesday, but I couldn’t do it that night – so I pushed it to Sunday (a scheduled rest day).

Out of curiosity, I just checked my 5k time. Much better than I anticipated.

The times I’ve recorded (5k, which I’m counting as 3.12):

Jan 1: 41:56 (very first effort)
Jan 26: 38:31
Feb 3: 37:15
Feb 14: 40:46 (tired + hungry + mentally exhausted + forced myself to just finish)
Feb 24: 33:45

So – it’s getting better!

I think I might actually be able to do this.